Author Topic: I miss my mum  (Read 111 times)

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Offline jennywren93

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I miss my mum
« on: June 07, 2019, 06:12:23 PM »
Hello everyone,
My name is Jenny, I'm 26yrs old and I'm here because I lost my mum to cancer in November last year. She was diagnosed with stomach cancer in March 2017 and told that it's a very aggressive form of cancer but that the plan was to remove the stomach which would elongate her life but unfortunately during surgery they realised it had metastasized onto her pancreas therefore removal was impossible. We were never told how long she had and never wanted to know, we decided we didn't want that looming over us every day. She finally lost her battle after 18 months when she was only 58yrs old. It all happened quite quickly really, one minute we were out watching Bohemian Rhapsody in the cinema and playing in the arcade, and then a few days later she was in hospital with severe abdominal pain and told that she wouldn't be leaving, it was a fast deterioration...she was unable to eat or drink much so she lost weight very quickly, she died 2 weeks after admission.
It's been 7 months, and even now some days I can't believe she's gone, it seems incomprehensible and unfair to me how someone like my beautiful mum who was so full of life and had so much more to do could go out like that. We were so close, she was my best friend and my biggest fan and I'm struggling with the fact that she'll never meet my kids, I'll never have one of those amazing hugs that only your mum could give you and that no one will ever love me as much as she did. When she would say "I love you" I would say "love you more" and then we'd argue about who loved who more and finally she'd say "You'll understand what I mean when you have kids".
I'm very lucky to have had a mum like her and I do have very supportive people around me. I have good days and bad days and just try to take each one as it comes.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2019, 06:21:29 PM by jennywren93 »

Offline Emz2014

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Re: I miss my mum
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2019, 05:17:42 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: I miss my mum
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2019, 10:00:02 AM »
 :hug: Hi. Losing your mum is absolutely devastating -i lost mine in 2004 and still miss her, she also died of cancer.I know its a cliiche when people say it gets better over time, i think we learn to live with grief better over time,but we never really say goodbye because they are with us in our hearts for-ever, and all the times they gave us advice, all the times they said things that got on our nerves even when we were teenagers we find ourselves saying - i saw a young girl walking towards me on a really cold night with midriif out and had to stop myself saying "get a vest on" - and that came from my gran, so in some ways even though we are our own person we are also partly them. I came here when my husband died, only the oldest three grandchildren were born, only two remeber him at all, but all of them know about him, who he was what he would have said,done, what he did in his life and so he does still play a role too them. 
One thing i would think about doing is collecting an album or a memory box together so that even though they wont meet her, when you do have children they will get to know her through your memorys.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: I miss my mum
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2019, 10:59:58 AM »
I'm so sorry, Jen. Losing your mum at any age is hard, but it is even harder when you were both still so young. Life is cruel and all you can do is be grateful for the time you did have together and try to accept that you cannot change what has happened, much as you would like to.

I think part of the problem of losing someone when they still should have had years left is that we are grieving not just for them, but for a future you have not known and have lost all the same. You feel this shouldn't have happened, that neither they nor you deserved it and that is painful in itself. For me, it was the other way round. My mum had a very serious heart problem when she was pregnant with me and in those days, that meant a very new and risky operation to try to save her. Neither of us was expected to survive, but we both did and so now, although even at the ripe old age of 96, I still did not feel ready to lose her, I know we both have had years that were a gift because neither of us were expected to live all those years ago. So, I know we did our best to make our days fun and as happy as possible, even when times were hard. We have never been rich! But now, I still feel an obligation to make my life as good and as much fun as it can be, because I might very easily never have lived at all! I suppose what I am trying to say, Jen, is that life, not just grief, is a rollercoaster and a risky ride and we have to just go with the ups and downs and accept the journey we are taken on and make the most of it whenever we can. We are not always in charge of the route or the choices, so have to live with them and have an obligation to make the best of things and make the time we have as good as it can be.

You lost your mum and that is one of the hardest things to bear, but she is still in your heart and your memories and it sounds as if she worked hard to make those memories with you, so treasure them and be happy when you think of the time you spent together. She will never really be gone from you, because you will never forget her. But it is up to you now to make her proud and live as good and happy a life as you can without her. We are all forced to accept that everything has changed once our mum dies, and adjusting to this new existence is very difficult, but once acceptance comes, you just have to get on with it and make it as good as it can be, so that when you do see her again, you have plenty to tell her about!

I know how much pain you are in and you probably feel some anger too, Jen, but one day at a time. It will get better. You had her love and that is your treasure still. She would want the best for you, so you have to create that best for yourself now and she is the basis and foundation for that new future. We can't change the past, but the future is up to us. Your life is her gift to you, so make the most of it, for both of you.

Sending you strength and an understanding hug, Jen..xx  :hearts: :hug:

Offline green dragon

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Re: I miss my mum
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2019, 10:49:51 PM »
how someone like my beautiful mum who was so full of life and had so much more to do could go out like that. We were so close, she was my best friend and my biggest fan

I know exactly what you mean, my Mum was like that as well! When this happens you realise nobody else will ever love, care and cheer for you with the same intensity. It's very shocking. But, as you said, you were lucky and she was there and you two shared these 26 years and you will always remember that and it will give you strenght during difficult times and smiles when something funny reminds you of her.