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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my soulmate nearly 3 weeks go.
« Last post by Sandra61 on April 06, 2020, 11:50:01 PM »
I think what you need is time and to know that others care and understand and to know that you are not alone. We who have found our way here do understand and do care and you are not alone. Sending you sympathy and a hug.  :hug:

There is no easy way to find your way through such a trauma and tragedy. All you can do it cherish the memories she left with you and the time you had with her. There are some things that might help. Some people find it helps to write a letter to the person they lost and write down all the things they would have liked to be able to say to them. Others put together a memory box and fill it with items that remind them of the person they have lost and yet others will plant a tree or a plant in their garden, if they have one, to create a place to go and sit in to remember the person they have lost. Those with children sometimes find it helpful to create a memory book or jar that they can turn to to remind them of better times they shared with their lost loved one when they are missing them. The idea is that you write down your memories of things you did with the person you have lost or character traits that you loved about them or that made you laugh or smile and, if using a jar, you can pull one out at random and relive that memory. A photo album of favourite photos can help too.

Cherish your memories and the time you had together and know that she will never leave you, because you will carry her in your heart and your memories for as long as you live. You will hear her voice in your head when you are unsure what to do about something and wonder what she might have advised. You will always love her and wherever she is now, I am sure she will always love both of you as well.

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time and patience and just get through one day at a time.  :hearts:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my grandma
« Last post by Sandra61 on April 06, 2020, 11:35:32 PM »
So sorry to hear about your grandma.  :hug: Sadly, there must be a lot of people out there who are going through the same kind of loss as you are now.

Cherish your memories and know she will never really be gone from you because you will carry her with you in your heart and in your memories. She helped shape who you are, so in a sense, lives on in you.

We are here for you. Talk to us whenever you wish. Sending you an understanding hug.  :hug:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my son
« Last post by Sandra61 on April 06, 2020, 11:31:39 PM »
I am so sorry to hear about your son. It must be so hard to have to cope with this, especially at such an unusually difficult time as we are all currently going through. Sending you a hug.  :hug: Try to look after yourself and be grateful for the time your son was with you for. He will never leave you, but will always be in your heart and your memories.

No one knows why people choose to do these things and it is hard to accept that anyone would want to. Please do not blame yourself. Those experiencing such severe depression can be very good at concealing it and we can only try to help if we know there is a need and even then, it is not always accepted.

Cherish your memories and try to be kind to yourself. We are here for as long as you need us.  :hearts:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my wife
« Last post by Sandra61 on April 06, 2020, 11:24:57 PM »
So very sorry to hear about your wife.  :hug: It must be very hard to have to deal with this yourself whilst also trying to help your daughter get through it as well.

Perhaps you can put an album of photos together with her and perhaps a memory box or jar too. The box idea is that you put in it any items that remind you of your wife or have some special memories attached to them. The memory jar is an idea for you allow you to dip into whenever one of you is missing her. You write down any memories of her that you have on bits of paper or characteristics you remember about her, so that when you are missing her, you can draw one out at random and relive that memory, which although it may make you cry, may also make you smile.

It helped me to have flowers in the room to remind me that there were still beautiful things in the world worth living for and to give me a little hope for the future.

Talk about your wife with your daughter as often and as openly as you can. That will help. It's no good bottling things up.

We will be here for as long as you need us. Sending strength and hope.  :hug:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my dad end of January - now on lockdown
« Last post by Sandra61 on April 06, 2020, 11:12:26 PM »
Dear Kate,

So sorry to hear about your dad  :hug: and that you must be feeling so alone and so worried about your mum. I think all any of us can do at the moment is try to communicate as often as we can using any means available, be it Skype, Whatsapp, a phone call or just an old-fashioned card or letter.

I lost my own dad when I was 24, so do have some idea what you may be going through. It is very hard to lose a parent at any age, let alone when still so young. The difficult thing for you must be being separated from your mum. My advice would be to talk as often as you  can and support one another as well as you can at a distance.

As Emz and Karena have said, grief is a hard long process under normal circumstances,which we are definitely not in now. So be as kind as you can to yourself. It might help to write a letter to your dad and tell him all the things you would have liked to say to him if you had had the chance. It helps to write it down and does bring some relief in my experience.

As Karena suggests, being out in nature helps too.I found walking in the park helped after I lost my mum and found my way here two years ago. It helped me just to know that other people understood how I was feeling too, so I hope you can take some comfort in that.

It must be very hard to process all this under the current lockdown restrictions, but we are here for you and will help as much as we can to help you get through this terrible time.

Sending strength and an understanding hug. :hug: :hearts:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my wife
« Last post by Incomplete on April 05, 2020, 07:48:43 PM »
I am slowly getting used to the fact that it's just me and my daughter now. Different places and things still trigger grief powerful enough to make breathing hurt and evenings are lonely as well as sleepless nights. I will always miss her but hope it gets slightly easier
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Lost my son
« Last post by Cantdothis44 on April 03, 2020, 10:35:29 PM »
My beautiful son ended his life and I am so lost.  :candle:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my grandma
« Last post by Emz2014 on April 03, 2020, 09:17:32 PM »
 :hearts: so sorry to hear your loss,  Sending you a welcome hug
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Lost my grandma
« Last post by banana on April 03, 2020, 05:23:39 PM »
 :candle: I lost my grandma to COVID on Tuesday  :candle:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my dad end of January - now on lockdown
« Last post by Karena on April 03, 2020, 11:56:07 AM »
Hi i can only really echo what Emz has said -these are such difficult times it is really hard for you and your mum.What people forget when they say blitz spirit is what we see of all that in retrospect never takes into account the individual grief of those people - and this isn't the blitz this is something much more silent - and yes for many during the blitz society and community was very different and there was a good chance your mum and other family lived in the same street - your neighbors were your surrogate aunties etc these are very different times.

Can your mum get whats app or similar - i know its nothing like the same as being there in person  but having that contact helps. My eldest was living in south Africa when my husband died and whats app made a big difference to both of us.

Your fears about losing other people are normal when you are grieving - naturally its much deeper just now with this virus -but without it its very easy to imagine any circumstance in which they go out and don't come back and become anxious if they don't phone at the same time every day or they don't answer the phone - anxiety like that  is also part of grief.

I don't know where you are in the world on lock down but in the UK we are allowed to exercise - as long as we don't travel somewhere to do it or meet up with others outside the household keep well apart etc - so if you can get out in the fresh air then do so - i know it doesn't sound much but i found it made a difference just to be in the natural world for a while - and as Emz says try and stay away from the media a bit more - if you can watch a film or read a book that takes you away from the real world for a while then go ahead and do that.

We will be here whenever you want to write and we will try and hold your hand through the worst of this. :hug:   
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