Recent Posts

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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: FEEL GUILTY
« Last post by Jill on September 19, 2019, 06:08:27 PM »
Hello Hassan,  Well, I am just surmising and may be wrong but.  I'm thinking, your father didn't tell you he had cancer, maybe because he really didn't want you to know because he didn't want things to change.  He wanted you to talk to him as you normally would and be upbeat and happy.  When people have cancer the people around them start acting differently, not natural at all and are scared to say anything and keep giving the person well meaning advice, which they don't usually really want!!  So my guess is he purposely hid it from you as he wanted you to act normally.  I sort of understand this and I hope you get what I am saying.  Hope this helps.  Jill
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: FEEL GUILTY
« Last post by HassanShuman on September 19, 2019, 05:30:35 PM »
Good God Jill - the guilt is killing me, but also making me angry with my brother

So, we only discovered my father's cancer on 22 July (he died on 2 September).  We since discovered that the dr's told him back in Feb 2018 that he had stage 3 cancer and I keep beating myself up for not spotting anything despite visiting him every 3rd weekend (I live in London and he lives in Brighton).

My wife reckons that I am a bad son and never had that bond with him or I would have seen it in his eyes.  I don't know how as I am too dumb to spot these things.  He had paper spread across his entire living and dining areas, but the only ones I saw were letters saying he missed a consultant appointment, but nothing whatsoever about his cancer.

My second guilt is that I wish I pushed hard enough to put him in private care from 22 July rather than listen to my brother and let him die at home (he died at his house in spain and my brother wanted to just save money).  I know this would not have elongated his life, but would have at least made his last few weeks more comfortable.  All because my brother wanted to save money

sorry if this is making you feel worse, not my intention
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yesterday, I heard a song that just flooded my eyes with tears for not reason - just a phrase from the song (translated - oh reader of the bible, pray to my parents,  they are in heaven) and I just wanted to sob there and then, but had to hold it in, but the tears were just falling down my cheeks.

it's not like it was my father's favorite song or singer, it was just some of the lyrics.

I just hope no one noticed as I am sure everyone is just busy on their phones

the frustration is that I still lots of crying to let out, but I can no longer release it and don't know how. 

I must be weird ;(

God help me at the funeral on Monday
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Parents died
« Last post by HassanShuman on September 19, 2019, 05:12:55 PM »
So sorry Als80.  I know that feeling well as I lost both my parents to Cancer too, though not this close to one another.

I lost my mum to ovarian cancer in 2013 after a 3 year fight.  It took me 5 years to get to terms with it as I blamed the world and God for he death as she lead a healthy life, did no harm, etc. 

I lost my father to prostate cancer three weeks ago and I am torn between guilt, sadness and anger, but, also feel confused as I now feel an orphan, which is odd as I am 53!

Anyway, you are not alone here Als80.  I am sure we can support one another on this painful journey to recovery

hugs kiddo
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Karen new here and not very good with techno stuff
« Last post by Emz2014 on September 18, 2019, 10:08:22 PM »
If you get stuck on the forum atall any of the admins can help.  Thankfully theres little that can go wrong
It is so helpful to be able to talk to others who understand - we all support each other by being here, there are no experts here just people on the journey at varying stages who understand  :hug:
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Last post by Emz2014 on September 18, 2019, 10:05:12 PM »
Bereavement is a lonely journey.   It certainly helps to be able to talk to others who understand the journey  :hug:
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my father to prostate cancer
« Last post by Emz2014 on September 18, 2019, 10:01:14 PM »
Welcome to the forum  :hug:
We would certainly not think you would be 'over it by now', those who have lost loved ones know that it is a journey, and one which lasts beyond the funeral.  :hearts:
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hi I am new here
« Last post by HassanShuman on September 18, 2019, 05:17:33 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss.  I know the feeling too well
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Last post by HassanShuman on September 18, 2019, 05:15:57 PM »
you guys are right.  no once can replace a mother, and this is coming from a father of two.

I lost my father to cancer on 2 September and also feel isolated as my brothers just wanted to move on from the 3rd of September

oddly enough, I now miss my mother even more
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Hi Karen

I am new here too.  I lost my father to prostate cancer three weeks ago
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