Lost my Dad and living away from my family

[Lucyh91]

Hi all,
I'm not really sure where to start with this. I am in my late twenties and have been living and working abroad for the last three years as a teacher. I lost my 65 year old Dad to cancer in April this year. He was diagnosed a year before and I travelled home during every school holiday to see him, before finally taking leave from work once his treatment was withdrawn, I was home for his final three weeks and then for three more after, then had to leave again for work. I suppose I've said I'm fine to everyone who has asked and I've felt relatively fine, I've made myself so busy. Next week I will fly home to England for the summer and the realisation that for the first time my Dad won't be there when I arrive off the plane is making me dread getting on the plane, even though I can't wait to see my family. I'm also struggling to get the final images of my Dad out of my mind over the past week or so. If there's anyone who can relate to my experience or has any advice, it would be great to talk. I've considered counselling but with me being away for the summer it's not logistical at the moment.

[msmall79]

Hi,

I lost my mum nearly 15 years ago to cancer and have only just let myself accept that I need to deal with it, so the fact that you're looking for support now is a great start.

Is coming home going to be easy? No, but it's where the people are that can offer you the best support, love.

What I can tell you is that in time your memories of how your dad was when you said goodbye will fade and instead you'll remember the happy, smiling father that made you the young lady you are. It's ok to smile when you remember him, just as it's ok for you to cry.   

The best advise I can give (which took me nearly 15 years to accept) is to talk to those around you, tell them how you're feeling. You won't be the only one that feels the way you do, so draw strength together and support one another, in person over the summer and then by video chat or phonecall when you go back to work.


Matt

[Lucyh91]

Hi Matt
Thanks so much for your reply, it has been really helpful. I am sorry that you are still finding things tough but as you said to me, it's good that you are looking for support now and talking. I think this forum is a great place, everyone here seems very supportive, like minded and can relate to each other. Most of my friends still have both parents and even grandparents so it's been quite hard to find anyone to relate to.

I think the last couple of months since I've returned back to Hong Kong have been a bit of an escape, which I do think was needed after us all being under one roof in an intense situation, I guess returning home for the first time will just be  one of those hurdles that I have to get past, like first birthday, first Christmas and so on. Hoping it will get easier in time. We have some big things to do like taking the donation to his chosen charity, scattering ashes and so on while I'm back home so I guess they'll be good opportunities to talk with my family about how we are all doing.

Thank you again.
Lucy