Two weeks ago was my first wedding anniversary on my own, last week was my first birthday on my own and for my children the first fathers day without their dad. Then tomorrow the first anniversary of his passing. Its been a strange couple of weeks, where previously celebrated events would happen at this time of year, now they only feel like sad ones. I know it is my first year without you and that this time last year I was watching you suffer which was terrible. What have I learned to take into the second year - that time does heal a little, that loving family and friends are good to have around me and that I still miss, that's just something I have to learn to live with.