I think often a new grief does trigger an old one and sometimes we even get confused about who we are grieving for at any given time -also i think often women in a familly do have a special bond through generations which ties in a way no other can.There is grief that when you look at your daughter you see, not only what they are not here to see, but also what she will never have - it isnt that your daughter isnt enough for you, but she doesnt replace them -no one can, and also they are not here to share with you or guide you through their experience. Having a baby is terrifying, having one without the people who you know could have been such a strength even more so
You can make them part of her life though -the bond doesnt end when some-one dies it takes another direction but remains strong. As she grows she will know them, not only through what you say, and through sharing photos and memorys of them, but in how you live your life and they will live on through you.
That doesnt help now it doesnt take away the pain of now,but when my mum died it left me the oldest, the one who had to take charge i supose the matriarch is the right word , and as well as grief of losing her that idea terrified me -how could i ever live up to my mum -or my gran - how could i ever be what they had been, - but i found the things people look for in me now isnt just from me,it is what my gran and my mum have given me over my lifetime and that is how they,in a sense live on and will continue too through my daughters.
