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Hello Kbel88

I know exactly the pain and disbelief of what has happened and my heart truly goes out to you.

Please if you haven't already joined our Facebook group where we have 1000s of members, they will give you unconditional support and guidance during these early days I promise.

Sadly this forum is not as active as it once was which is why I want you to join the FB group please.

You can copy and paste your heartbreaking message there which will get lots of response I'm sure.

Dave .

BUK site owner.
I donít want to believe my mum is gone, she passed away on Sunday just after midnight from sepsis at the age of 61, She has been unwell with liver disease and lots of other things caused by that for a while now but this has come as a complete shock. She has had many hospital stays, going to a & e and g.p visits but has always got better but this time she just couldnít fight it. Me and my 8 year old daughter have lived with my mum for the past 5 years as she broke her pelvis and was left disabled. I left my job so I could care for her, we are a team and she basically was like my daughters other parent, we shared bills, took it in turns to buy the food shop, she was always here every time I got home from the school run, she honestly is the funniest , kindest woman anyone could meet, she never complained even though she had every right to as was in pain a lot. Iím hurting so much and trying my hardest to be strong for my daughter but I canít take it, everything in our lives will change, I have so many people to contact, I will need to get a job, we have a motability car which will go back, I have to sort out our benefits, probably move as we are in a council house which was adapted for her needs (stair lift, wet room etc) I know I have to contact them all but I just canít face the world right now and only just managing to look after my daughter. we canít register her death until the 23rd so all I can think about is her funeral right now. I canít stop re playing in my head the Saturday she went into hospital what if Iíd woke up and called and ambulance earlier would she still be here now. I love her so much and I donít want my life to not have her in it xxx
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Grief
« Last post by Janebee on January 02, 2023, 04:14:55 PM »
My mums died in 16/11, she had a post-mortem and funeral was not until 13/12. Inquest this month. I cared for her 24/7 and she was my best friend. I feel lost and alone in this  new world.
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Loss
« Last post by Janebee on January 02, 2023, 04:08:39 PM »
Hello to all. Just joined today due to recent bereavement. :cray:
General Discussion / Re: Why do I feel the way I do
« Last post by Dave Administrator on December 29, 2022, 02:31:33 PM »

Sadly this board is no longer used as it was, and the only reason I leave it up is for the wealth of support that has been written here for others to see.

But I would like to answer you knowing exactly how you are feeling having experienced something a little similar.

Eight years would normally be considered to be a reasonable time for a broken heart to heal, but when guilt like you feel comes into the equation, no amount of time can always bring total peace of mind back to your day.

The only honest answer and support I can offer you right now Esther, is that for you to have loved your brother as much as it comes across to me that you did, means he was a truly wonderful person in himself, and no doubt loved you big time.

Don't keep beating yourself up over not speaking with him, that's just human nature we are all guilty of in not doing the most we ever can for them, and trust me even if you had spoken to him, NOTHING would have changed.

Yes you can't talk on the phone anymore, but what you can do is write to him telling him how much you miss and love him like you do. Will it be tough to do? oh yes through floods of tears no doubt about that one.

But I promise you Esther when the tears end and the room is silent again, from somewhere, I don't know where, you'll feel his peace and spirit
speaking within your mind, you just have to open up to hear the calming words and believe in them that your life does have meaning, and that may even be for what you can do to help others, or whatever?

Take care.


BUK Founder June 2000

General Discussion / Why do I feel the way I do
« Last post by esther e on December 29, 2022, 06:24:47 AM »
I feel my life has no meaning . Eight yrs that my brother's been gone and nothing has changed except the yrs going by, more time missing and longing for my brother I'll never have again. Just want to pick up the phone and call him, hear his voice again, tell him how much I love him. The last time my brother was alive, we had texted and not spoke,something that I feel regret for all these yrs, if I had spoken, I would've heard from his voice something was wrong and I could've reached out, but I failed him. That day my brother was not to come home ever again .My life has no meaning.
Sending a hug.  So sorry for your loss.
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Loss of my husband and cat
« Last post by Lainey58 on October 23, 2022, 12:25:19 PM »
My name is Elaine.  I lost my husband of 15 years on the 17th May (he was diagnosed weeks earlier with a blood clot on his lung and heart trouble)  we had been together 21 years and my cat  (Lymphoma  diagnosed in July) on 10th September, 2022.

One loss was difficult, 2 unbearable.

My other cat was diagnosed with heart trouble the weekend following my husbands passing.  My mother in law also had health problems that weekend and ended up in hospital and then a nursing home until July.

Lost my dad a couple of years ago and my other cat a little while before.

Joined my local leisure centre to help me through the winter months and meet other people.

I've been lucky I have such wonderful neighbours and friends.  I don't know how I would have coped this far without them.

General Discussion / 7 Years
« Last post by longedge on October 22, 2022, 04:41:27 PM »
Where have they gone! 7 years ago tomorrow and I sometimes think that the pain gets worse.

I'm listening to my Spotify playlist and one of my old favourites has just been on. I used to pay little attention to lyrics but I've found myself listening to them more and more and so often finding that they are very apt.....

Red, red wine goes to my head
Makes me forget that I still need her so
Red, red wine, it's up to you
All I can do I've done
Memories won't go, memories won't go
I'd have sworn that with time
Thoughts of you leave my head
I was wrong, now I find
Just one thing makes me forget
Red, red wine, stay close to me
Don't let me be alone
It's tearing apart my blue heart
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost without my beautiful wife
« Last post by Sandra61 on October 01, 2022, 10:06:36 AM »
Hello Matt,

So very sorry to hear of the loss of your wife, especially at such a young age. There is little that can make this any easier for you, but time does help even if you have to make an effort to let it. I found it helped me to have flowers in the house to remind me that there are still good things in the world and sitting in the park to think and try to understand and accept what had happened helped me feel calmer and made it easier to think about.

Sadly there is no easy way through the journey loss sets you on. All you can do is get through one day at a time, even one hour or minute at a time when it is so soon after your loss sometimes. Be kind to yourself and remember to eat and drink enough. I know I didn't feel like eating or drinking after a loss and would lose track of time in thought. Your memories of the time you had with your lovely lady will never leave you and remember she would want you to go on enjoying your own life and would want the best for you, so, if it helps, perhpas you can start thinking of that as something you can still do for her, in her memory and as a tribute to her and make that your purpose for getting up every day.

I don't think you ever go back to being who you were before a loss, but you do gradually come to accept it and learn to live with the new person it makes of you. Just a day at a time for now will be enough.

Sending you a hug and wishing you well.  :hug:
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