Author Topic: 15 months on  (Read 2247 times)

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Offline Sjmac

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15 months on
« on: April 21, 2017, 11:32:40 PM »
I lost my partner 15 months ago. He was 40 and died suddenly of a heart attack in my arms. With every day that goes by I feel the grief getting worse and harder to deal with. There feels like no end to the pain and I can't come to terms with what's happened. His shower gel still sits beside mine in the shower, I can't bare to move it. Was just looking to see if anyone had any advice for moving on or how to make life generally more easy to deal with. Thanks in advance xx

Offline Karena

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Re: 15 months on
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2017, 06:10:08 PM »
Part of the problem is that we expect to feel better after the first year,but many of us have found the second just as bad,not helped by the fact that other people around us also expect us to " move on" and sometimes tell us so.So my first advice is don't pressure yourself ,its fine to leave the shower gel there until you feel you can move it however long it takes.
I set myself a list of places we had been and loved,things we said we would do or go too,and set about revisiting or doing those things for us.For me its not about cutting off or severing old connections but about taking him with me,not literally of course but even after six years I still talk too him in my head and still think of him as being beside me.I suppose in a way i decided to live life for us both.It wasn't easy I won't pretend it was,but I,m glad now that I overcame revisiting firsts,because those places are special in my heart still just as they were when he was here.

Offline Julia

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Re: 15 months on
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2017, 07:55:34 PM »
Sjmac, sending you hugs! I lost my partner two months ago, he was 5 days away from his 44th birthday, way too young to say goodbye. I am still very inexperienced in the healing process, so I am perhaps worthless at giving advise at this stage, but I think the most important thing is try to open your heart to everything around you, even if it hurts or even if it feels like you shouldn't be doing it. Like Karena said, it's absolutely fine not to move the shower gel until the time is right.

Since I lost my partner two months ago, I've done so much! Traveled by myself for the first time, started going for meals out by myself (I only used to do that while on business trips before, but never just for a casual meal out by myself), went to probably 15 museum exhibitions across the country, started exercising more regularly, and also quit exercising too, read a lot, took on more responsibilities at work, went to a psychologist.. and the list goes on. I cannot sit still with all that pain, so I thought that if I try hard enough, the pain will go away. The truth is I am completely exhausted, feeling massively insecure about my life, no confidence that I will ever be happy again and no joy in any activity that I force myself to do. So I know that forcing yourself to do something different isn't necessarily helpful. So perhaps you still need to go through those feelings you are currently going through, give yourself more time, don't force yourself to get better now, because you feel it should be better already. You will get there  :hug:

« Last Edit: April 23, 2017, 09:17:31 PM by Julia »