Author Topic: My husband.  (Read 2005 times)

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Offline Sandraschott

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My husband.
« on: May 04, 2019, 02:05:10 PM »
Hi I'm Sandra. I lost my husband and soulmate Phil olast July.
We were married for nearly 48 years and together for nearly 50.
He was 65 and strong and healthy until 7 months before.
He started showing symptoms and was diagnosed with mds which is a form of blood cancer.
I find it more difficult as time goes on.
We did everything together and I miss him so much.

Sandra

Offline Sandra61

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Re: My husband.
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2019, 02:30:38 PM »
Hello Sandra,

My name is Sandra too! I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I can understand after being together for so many years, how much of a shock this must have been for you. I hope you have family around to help support you, but we are here too, for as long as you need us.

It is a huge shock to lose anyone close to you and accepting what has happened and finding a way forward is a lonely and difficult process for us all. All you can do is try to take care of yourself and find things to do that will help you. I put together an album of my favourite photos of the person I lost. It was my mum, so it is different, but I think much of what we experience is similar. You are not alone.

Keep talking to us and be gentle with yourself. It is a long and hard journey to find your way through this. Sending you a welcome hug..xx :hug: :hearts:

Offline Sandraschott

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Re: My husband.
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2019, 02:42:14 PM »
Hi Sandra Thankyou.  I have his photos everywhere.  I am trying to do things . My family and I recently visited Scotland which was his favourite place. We scattered some of his ashes up there.
I have also scattered him in some of our favourite places.
I have planned other trips to places we loved to go  and I've made him a lovely garden which everyone adds to.

I'm sure he would love it. I know he is with me but it's difficult.
I miss his presence. He was so affectionate and his cuddles meant everything.
I think as time goes by and the shock wears off,  the finality of it hits home and you realise this is it, hes not coming back

Sandra   
 

Offline Sandra61

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Re: My husband.
« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2019, 03:58:35 PM »
It's still early days for you, Sandra. I know I still find it hard eighteen months on from losing my mum and 34 years on from losing my dad, come to that. Slowly you learn to live with it and finding some way to express that and pay tribute to that person really does help. Your garden idea sounds lovely.

It sounds to me like you are doing all you can to help yourself and I think that is what you have to do - whatever helps. One thing I did find that helped more than anything else was to take up an interest that my mum also enjoyed. I joined a class and that took me out of the house a couple of times a week and gave me something to look forward to. I found some lovely new friends there who have been very supportive and I wouldn't be without it now. It makes me think about something else for a few hours a week too and that brings a bit of relief. Perhaps that is something you could try.

Talking is also good, so keep talking to us too. Have a good weekend. Sending you a hug.  :hug: :hearts:

Offline Sandraschott

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Re: My husband.
« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2019, 05:34:16 PM »
Hi Sandra I am trying to do what I think he would want me to do.
I'm ok with people most of the time, it's just when  I close the door back home and I'm on my own.

I do still get angry that he went. He was such a lovely man and a brilliant grandad. He worked hard all his life and we had everything set up for i a well deserved retirement.

Then I realise I have a lot to be thankful for.
We had a lovely happy marriage and were best friends .
Many people dont get anywhere near as long as we had together.
I am thankful for that.

I know I well never recover from this but I am trying to move forward one step at a time. Although sometimes it's one step forward two steps back.

Sandra  :hug:

Offline Laineyem

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Re: My husband.
« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2019, 10:14:37 AM »
HinSandra, I lost Steve just over two years ago after a long battle with a brain tumour.  We had 33 years together so I understand where you are coming from.  In some ways this year has been so much harder than the first year.  Didn’t expect that but there it is.  No real advice just wanted you to know you aren’t alone and just take the time you need. X