Author Topic: How will I cope with this?  (Read 11644 times)

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Offline Dibsy

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #15 on: June 22, 2019, 04:12:32 PM »
I am finding it really difficult to manage day to day after all that has happened. All the arrangements have now been completed and we had such a lovely service with many friends and family attending. The one big problem I have is that various family members of my partner are causing so many problems, people we have not seen for years and years stating what they want etc. All I want is some peace and quiet to settle down and try to get some sanity back after all that has happened. How do you deal with this? I've never known anything like it and it is pulling me down. My partner never had any time for his family which I always used to think was very sad but now I can understand why. The stress of this is really getting to me now and I dread the 'phone ringing. I just keep referring them to the Solicitors but this doesn't seem to deter them.

Offline Karena

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #16 on: June 24, 2019, 10:56:32 AM »
 :hug: at times like this you certainly get the full meaning of what "crawled out of the woodwork" means.
With some people.Its easy to see how with busy and full lives we loose touch with people and that time passes quicker than we know until suddenly it has been years and for some the reality of that doesnt hit until its too late to make that contact -
 for others - well there are just some people out there who are really mean spirited ghouls i,m afraid.

All you can do is keep reffering them back - tell them you are not in a position to deal with anything - nothing can be taken from the estate until probabte has been granted.

I moved house so my home phone number changed and actually i only have one at all now because i had to pay landline rental to get the internet  and sometimes companys demand one i never answer it because the people i do want to speak too know to ring my mobile,if they are not in my contacts list i dont answer that either, (its usually sales/begging calls if not they will ring back. If they are in my contacts list, then i can decide whether i want to answer it or not,it goes to answer machine and if they dont leave a message (and most people dont) then i dont get back too them either.So maybe that is one route you could consider expecially for the persistant ones you dont want to speak too, they will then have to phone your solicitor and he/she can decide whether it is something you should be contacted over (put your solicitors number on your contacts list too) i dont know whether home phones do that now if you dont want to go down that route maybe there is a home phone handset that will do the same.?

Maybe i sound a bit harsh and i am not mean spirited normally but of course you need some peace and some time to start to heal yourself,and you need to give yourself priority over them when it seems their priority isnt concern for you but something so much more negative. :hug:   

Offline Dibsy

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #17 on: June 24, 2019, 11:25:36 AM »
Thank you for your reply.  I had a really awful weekend but today have received some really nice cards thanking me for the service and saying how much they knew I meant to my partner. Just these cards seemed to put it into some sort of perspective so now I am putting negative issues to the back ground and trying to ignore them and dwelling on the positive ones where people have been so good to me at this difficult time. I have had caller display put on, I have also now made a list of the numbers I am accepting, and also have found call barring. I have such awful anxiety at the moment with moods going up and down, a lot caused by unwanted phone calls and I really don't like doing this with the phone but I just can't cope any other way.

Offline Karena

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #18 on: June 24, 2019, 02:56:38 PM »
 :hug: you shouldnt be having to put up with that kind of behaviour but i am glad that others have made up for it. :hug:

Offline GHOST

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #19 on: June 24, 2019, 03:37:39 PM »
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« Last Edit: November 15, 2022, 04:45:34 PM by GHOST »

Offline Dibsy

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #20 on: June 24, 2019, 08:56:36 PM »
Good Evening Laird,
I was very pleased to read your advice, it's difficult without a sounding board and far from being useless, you have given me such good advice which I very much appreciate especially not agreeing to anything or handing anything over as I did waver a bit. It is a struggle to go on but communicating with people like you in this forum you realise you are not alone, it helps so much you all understand what it is like. Eighteen months is a long time you having to put up with this. The online comments have also started but I'm not reading them any more, only upsets me. After the service, asking about a Will, not even asking what led up to his death or seen him for ten plus years. I'm trying to keep busy as sleep is a problem and have even been wall papering at midnight to stop thinking. I too keep thinking if I could have done more, but I think if you were to go back into the circumstances at the time, you probably would have made the same decisions. The shock is so horrendous and you are out of your normal environment and hind sight is a wonderful thing.  At least because I have sorted the phone out that has made a difference for me. I do hope you find some peace of mind soon and thank you again for your reply. (I do like the picture of the dog.)

Offline GHOST

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #21 on: June 24, 2019, 10:54:10 PM »
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« Last Edit: November 15, 2022, 04:45:55 PM by GHOST »

Offline Dibsy

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #22 on: June 25, 2019, 04:59:30 PM »
What awful things you have had done to you, unless people are in your position they will never know or understand what you are going through. It's wicked and thoughtless to be sending you those things and very nasty. My chief unpleasant person is now badgering the solicitors so I don't think they will get very far there. He's the one who wanted to know immediately where the will was, didn't ask anything about my partner or what happened.  I haven't been out for some time apart from a little shop, but tried today to make an effort to meet with friends for coffee and they were really nice to me but it didn't feel right really sitting there and I was so glad to get home and hide again. I seem to feel safer at home. I couldn't talk about my partner to them as I knew I would get upset and didn't want to spoil it for them.  I just kept thinking my partner would normally be at home waiting for me. I'm a bit in the countryside and sit in the garden at night when it's very quiet and can hear the owls in some protected trees over the back and also have a friendly hedge hog who comes in for a walk on his rounds. A magpie keeps going up to him and trying to peck but doesn't get very far. It's so lovely to see nature like that. Thank you for your suggestion re the list, I don't really want to take his name off anything but suppose I must, he was such a lovely man and we thought we would have some more years together so I miss him dreadfully.  I had to smile today as I found his hidden sweetie tin, I thought I had broken him of that habit.

Offline GHOST

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #23 on: June 25, 2019, 06:22:19 PM »
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« Last Edit: November 15, 2022, 04:46:30 PM by GHOST »

Offline Emz2014

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #24 on: June 26, 2019, 08:44:21 AM »
Sending a hug  :hug: dont put yourself down, you always give good advice too - sometimes its the sharing of our experiences which helps others. And here we dont have to always be cheerful, its a safe place to reach out, to remember you are part of something and not alone.  Well done for continuing to step out of your comfort zone and interacting with other locals. All big steps when challenging anxiety, and should remember/reflect on all those achievements, no matter how small it may seem.(maybe keep a notepad, then over time you will realise how far you've come)  Unfortunately some people who have never experienced anxiety cant understand. Maybe one day they will have a panic attack and realise a little more and be shocked!

 :hug: sending a hug Dibsy, its amazing how many people crawl out of the woodwork and change after a loss.  I thought I had a close family but now feel very distant from my uncles/aunties.  Its important to notice the ones who are there for you - they're the ones that mean something.  Be gentle with yourself, you really need TLC right now so treat yourself as you would a dear friend xx

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline GHOST

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #25 on: June 26, 2019, 11:26:32 PM »
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« Last Edit: November 15, 2022, 04:47:25 PM by GHOST »

Offline Emz2014

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #26 on: June 27, 2019, 07:25:00 AM »
All those experiences/resources are still with you, they are just a little hidden at the moment, they will come back :-)  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #27 on: June 27, 2019, 10:44:42 AM »
The difference between the escapology incident  and driving a motorbike through a pub is that one was intentional and part of the excesses of youth, the other was not intentional and part of the less excesses and more vagueness of - shall we say less youthful times - but the thing to take from it is that both probably made some-one elses day so much brighter and both in their own way are legendary :whistle: You are right Ruth would be suprised and also proud of how you are dealing with things (as well as howling with laughter )

As for the MP,s comment it seems to me they increasingly come from a different planet to most of us, but for centurys they have suceeded in attaining power only by dividing people, and taking attention from their own actions by demonising others. There have been many "others" in my lifetime,and i have been an "other" several times, but i would rather be me, than live with being some-one who behaves like that.   

Offline GHOST

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #28 on: June 27, 2019, 12:06:05 PM »
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« Last Edit: November 15, 2022, 04:47:54 PM by GHOST »

Offline Dibsy

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #29 on: June 27, 2019, 07:54:46 PM »
My goodness you have got up to some pranks! You mentioned 6'5" and your motor bikes, my partner was 6'6" but the motor bikes went long ago by my prompting. I have found lately that I am mostly 'stable' at home without any hassle of going out to meet people, so that's what I will do for a while. I can't talk to anyone about my partner it is just too hard and am going up and down like a yo yo. I get very panicky in the mornings but by going out in the garden it helps to relieve it, I like being outside but within my castle. I have cut out those people causing problems and I remember that once I said to my Mother so and so had upset me over something and she said quite forcefully, well don't let them. She was a down to earth Edinburgh lady and she is quite right, why should I let other people upset me. She still amuses me even though I miss her very much and she died seven years ago. True to her Scottish roots, after she died, my sister and I were clearing out her bedroom and kept coming upon various boxes with money in them. She had been hoarding them, in fact some of the notes had to be changed at the Bank as they were so old. She was very shrewd and careful, no lights left on unnecessarily, heating only went on when it was practically freezing and she even took out the bulb of an outside light I had fitted for her.  I am taking his name off docs now and did copy any documents I took into the Sols - thanks for that suggestion - just in case. I have done practical things like sorting out his clothes but can't seem to want to find new homes for them just yet, I'm reluctant to let them go.