Author Topic: How will I cope with this?  (Read 11646 times)

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Offline Karena

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #45 on: August 20, 2019, 12:45:11 PM »
I agree with Emz - just going to the shop is an achievement long before full on socialising, but also if you can get one friend to come to you for a coffee or lunch, then to go with you somewhere outside the house later even just for a walk, then its a starting point.

The other thing i used to do was make sure i had an exit - starting from work - behind the shed was my go to cry place, - in somewhere public i always knew where the loos were or where ther was a quiet corner i could retreat too - my elderly dog became the reason to not "stay for long", driving for "not having a drink" - (an absolute meltdown trigger for me)

I also think we  need to pick our battles - there was a conversation here years ago about not eating out in a restaurant alone - some-one did and i was full of admiration for her, but also the prospect of me doing it filled me with horror -To this day, i can fly across the world alone but cant contemplate doing that - because i realised i dont have too - it isnt a goal for me, i,m not a foody person and there is no-where these days you cant grab a sandwhich to take away, so i wasnt going to make it something i needed to fight to do, when there were other things i had to fight for and there are other things i will take on because its all about the destination. Deciding  what i want or need to do, and how to get there by going around or developing strageys to climb over the obstacles on the way, rather than trying to achieve something that is some-one elses goal.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: How will I cope with this?
« Reply #46 on: August 22, 2019, 09:37:57 AM »
Don't worry about not being able to go out much, Dibsy. It is still only a short time into this journey for you and it will take as long as it takes to begin to feel stronger or more confident.

I had a complete melt down one week about six months after my mum died and went into a total panic about everything. I couldn't stop crying and didn't know how I was going to go on. Everything seemed so 'up in the air' and more than I could cope with. I decided a plan would help me and sat down and wrote a list of things I needed to do for practical purposes and a list of things I ought to try to find solutions for and worked out alternatives for how I might deal with all those things and it is still standing me in good stead almost two years on after various twists and turns and unexpected eventualities. 

I think it is perfectly normal to find yourself wanting to be alone, but as the others have said, don't isolate yourself completely, even if you just ring someone for a chat once in a while for now. You need to keep a connection to life in some way, because you won't feel like this forever. Even if you can't see it at the moment, your life does still have purpose and you will be able to enjoy things again in the future, even if they may be tinged with sadness in some ways.

I think we are all so conscious of the absence of the person we have lost for a while that it blocks out everything else and is all we can focus on, but that does begin to pass as we accept that what has happened has happened and begin to rebuild our lives from the ruins. You will get through this, but it will take much longer than you might have expected and definitely longer than anyone else might expect. Unless you have been through it, you have no idea of the effect loss has on you and will never understand until you have been through it yourself.

One day at a time and tiny steps, Dibsy. Of course try to find anything that helps you along this journey, but don't try to meet challenges you don't yet feel ready to face. There is no time limit on when you should feel better or even if you should. Nor must you try to get back to 'normal'. This is a new normal now that will take time to get used to and to accept and you have to give yourself that time without putting pressure on yourself to find it. One day at a time, Dibsy. xx :hug: