Author Topic: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.  (Read 2605 times)

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Offline Angel22

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New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« on: August 24, 2019, 02:51:55 PM »
I am new to forums, but feel so isolated after losing my lovely mum in December 2018. I have family but they are all getting on with life, I am coping ok, but no one seems to understand the void I feel. I am taking life a day at a time. I joined because I feel so lonely.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2019, 01:20:33 AM »
Sending you a welcome hug.  :hug: I joined after losing my own mum in 2017 and recognise the void you describe that is left in your life following the loss of your mum. I still feel it too. Today would have been her birthday. I don't think anyone can replace your mum and although, in time, you get used to her being gone, your life is forever changed without her in it anymore.

It does seem easier for some to go back to their everyday lives and seem to 'get over' loss relatively quickly, but it is not necessarily the case. It may just appear that way. I think we all hide our feelings to some extent and so others appear to be fine, when they may not be. It could be that you appear to them to be fine, when you are not either. It could be worth talking to them to see if they feel as lonely and upset underneath the external appearance as you do. You can't always judge a book by the cover.

I think one day at a time is all any of us can do. I did find it helped to make an album of photos of her and others make memory boxes that they fill with items that remind them of the person they have lost. Some start a memory book or jar and write down accounts of experiences they shared with the person they have lost. Others mark special days in some way to remember them. Just do whatever helps. You have her with you in your memories and your heart and always will.  :hearts:

Offline Angel22

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Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2019, 04:24:22 AM »
Thank you for the welcoming hug, and for the suggestion of a memory box and album. I do have many happy memories of things we did. 

I wasn't sure whether to join, but reading the messages from other people who are going through the same as me has given me comfort. 

Angel22.




Offline HassanShuman

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Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2019, 05:15:57 PM »
you guys are right.  no once can replace a mother, and this is coming from a father of two.

I lost my father to cancer on 2 September and also feel isolated as my brothers just wanted to move on from the 3rd of September

oddly enough, I now miss my mother even more

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2019, 10:05:12 PM »
Bereavement is a lonely journey.   It certainly helps to be able to talk to others who understand the journey  :hug:
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Angel22

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Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2019, 09:42:38 PM »
Bereavement is a lonely journey, I'm struggling at the moment as I moved recently. Me and mum lived there for 13 years, it was the place where she died. My family are telling me it's a good thing, it just doesn't feel like that yet.

Angel22.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2019, 08:34:49 AM »
Are you still nearby?  Are there any places you went together you'd feel would bring some comfort visiting? Or does that feel too hard at the moment (sometimes we need time before we can - its different for each person).  :hug:
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Sandra61

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Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2019, 08:35:58 AM »
Hello,

I know how upsetting it can be to have to leave the place where the memories are. I was desperate not to have to move from where I lived with my mum. I think it can be a good thing though and can sometimes help you start the next phase of your life more cleanly, but it depends on the person, I think. It would have upset me, but others find it a help. Whichever camp you fall into, I think, in the end, the memories are in your heart and mind anyway, so you take them with you wherever you go and no doubt you have things of your mum's that you will keep and have taken with you, so you will still have things she touched and used, which somehow always feels important. Even though they are just things, they still hold a link to her.

As Emz says, it can help to revisit places you visited together. I have found this. It does bring back memories that may not otherwise surface in your mind and remind you of the fun you had together, so it would be worth doing that.

I hope your new home starts to feel more like a home soon and giving a nice picture of mum somewhere prominent in it will help you feel like you have brought her with you. I expect you found somewhere she would have liked. Perhaps you can personalise it a little. For instance, decorating in colours you both liked or putting the chair she used to sit in in a nice comfortable place and, if you have any outside space, planting some plants she liked in her memory. Putting some of her favourite ornaments around.

She will always be in your heart, so you can never really leave her behind. Good luck in your new place, Angel 22. Thinking of you.  :hearts:

Offline Angel22

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Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Reply #8 on: October 07, 2019, 04:43:09 PM »
Thank you both for the suggestions. They have helped so much.  I have a beautiful photo of my mum, and some of her ornaments that she had on a unit next to the tv. I also have a photo of my aunt next to mum as she sadly passed away five weeks before mum. So I am missing them both so much.

I'm very slowly getting use to my new home, it feels like its just temporary and someday I can go home and mum will be there. But I know she won't be there and I can't go back.

I do have a place that we went, I've been thinking about going there for a while. I think going there will help, I just have to wait for the rain to stop.

I'm glad I joined the site, it has been helpful talking to other people who understand.

Kind regards, Angel 22.   


Offline Buttercup

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Re: New here, feeling lost after losing my mum.
« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2019, 06:21:48 PM »
Sending hugs. Everybody here already answered has been so kind and helpful already, but wanted you to know you are not alone, and by sharing you will start to feel a little less lonely and sad xx :hug:
Trying to get thru, one day at a time 💔

 

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