Overbearing personalities at work during time of grief

[SarahB]

I'm not sure if this is a normal symptom of grief, but along with the exhaustion, I'm finding I'm becoming increasingly angry and impatient and although I do appreciate the company of my friends sometimes, the past week has been difficult as I juggle my job, my pets and trying to stay on top of everything else.

As I explained to Karena and Sandra, I have a front facing job so I am required to be the meeter and greeter and smiler - which is hard on days when you haven't been bereaved, but now it's becoming impossible and my tolerance is very much lowered.  I am quick to tell people if they are too much or in my face and am speaking out more than I used to be able to, for the benefit of myself and my mind, not necessarily in a rude way.

However, I am having real issues with one guy at work who started with us recently. Without going into too much detail, he's a security guard who works near me and oh my God - he NEVER shuts up. If you have met the Queen, he's had dinner with her, if you've had chicken pox, he knows someone who invented it, if you can see a full moon, he's an astronaut. Everyone in our team is commenting on it, and I raised it recently with my manager but nothing has been done.

He seems to have taken a bit of a shine to me because I'm friendly and polite and do not wish to hurt or annoy anyone. But I am NOT in the headspace to be listening to someone who TALKS AT ME and does not know when to take a step backwards.  Most of the time, I just want to do my job and go home - and I have a golden (GOLDEN) 2 hours when my colleague leaves where it is quiet and without interruption.

If this guy sees a hook to talk to me he will take it. More often than not, he is not doing what he is supposed to be doing but he's standing hovering over my desk as I sit down. I'm quite small and he's over 6 foot so that in itself is intimidating. I made the mistake of telling him when he asked me today how I was and I said 'not so good' and now he's saying he's going to come over on his HOUR'S break to sit and talk to me. I very calmly said to him 'No it's ok thanks - I'm not a talker and I need my time to myself'. He ignored this and said 'Och I know but it's good to chat I'll be over later'. I've actually had to ask a couple of my male colleagues if they can distract and/or tell him that I am busy and need to be left alone today. I am worried he will appear anyway and if he does I am liable to crack up.

I finding him very overbearing, he interrupts constantly and gives you all the advice he thinks you need despite not asking for it. He even tried to tell me what I should do with my Mum's house and I told him to stop. He's just the type of guy that seems to know it all.

Does anyone have any advice for how you can ask someone within a work environment to leave you alone and not offend them? I have tried several times and also highlighted with his own boss that he isn't doing what he's meant to be doing (he's in security and he's standing with his back to the door in a very busy high profile building) - but as yet nothing has changed.

It's getting to the point with him that I am ready to ring in sick if I know he's going to be on shift. My head literally can't take anymore of listening to  him and I don't know how to handle it without causing a problem or offence.

I don't know if anyone here has experienced that intense feeling of needing people to SHUT UP while going through grief??

Appreciate any thoughts or advice,

Sarah

[Karena]

OK firstly speaking as devils advocate - you're new to the job, you maybe are not getting the managerial direction you should be getting, and you are supposed to  standing with your back too some-one looking outwards - but maybe you are an outgoing garrulous type of person and cant shut up - i think people like that are rarer  than we imagine -  or maybe you are the opposite and actually feel very socially awkward so you are thinking you need to talk and you need to have some anecdotes to impress with - but actually your life isnt that impressive so you kind of exaggerate a bit (especially a blokes bloke  thing in bloke conversations )  but you do it without realizing you are doing too much of that and not actually being that impressive because you are not being you just doing what you think others do and what makes you a "cool person" 
If the person you are talking too seems in your perception not to be doing anything much at the time as well - and you are trying to fill the gap with conversation as thats what people also expect Or maybe you know her story and your,e just a nice person who wants to "cheer her up" but don't realize. because you have never experienced grief,  that she sometimes needs space.

From your point of view we all experience phases of feeling impatient with other people - they talk about things, which too us are trivial and irrelevant because of what we are experiencing and feeling and expecting answers when we actually cant be bothered to think about those things and for those of us that are not very confident anyway and don't want to offend some-one its very difficult. At the same time practically speaking if there is a reason to have a security guard on the site and some-thing did happen you will  most certainly want him on your side.

Is there a middle line you can take - do you just meet and greet people coming in or do you have to do paperwork, filing  etc - and if not then does he know that - maybe you have to study for a while its quiet, or look very busy on a computer or doing something you need to do for work - then if he is on an break for an hour and comes over you say "can you give me 40 minutes or so to do this i need to concentrate why not come back at ten to 1"  we can have a chat when i am done - alternatively do you get a break,  if so can you time it so it co-incides with his and leave the building -there is always something you have to "nip into town for" -etc etc -
Actually leaving the building would also give you a break from the other people - some time out from the fake smile and being cheerful is not a bad idea, take-ing   a brisk walk round the block can make a big difference - that's something i did a lot -and when the weather is ok grab a sandwich and eat in the park etc etc.You come back and the annoyance feels less than it did.
 See if you can find a polite way to give yourself some space from him.