Author Topic: Hello  (Read 2375 times)

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Offline MizzyG

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Hello
« on: August 30, 2019, 10:53:34 AM »
Hi I lost my partner of 30 years suddenly just over 14 weeks ago....I’m totally devastated and finding it hard to go on. My 22 year old Daughter was with her Dad and has been remarkable. I have returned back to work on a phased return but struggling as I met Dave there, also last spoke to him there and took the call from Esme. Feel so alone, frightened, sad, crying all the time finding it hard to function.

Offline Jill

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Re: Hello
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2019, 02:19:08 PM »
Hello Mizzy,  I am so sorry that you are hurting so much.  I lost my husband a month ago so unfortunately I know only too well how you feel.  I have found that unless you have lost someone very very close you can't understand how it feels.  It makes it so much more difficult that you have to keep going back to the place you met as well.  I hope you have some nice family and friends to support you.  I have found the people here have helped me get through these last weeks and I am sure they will help you too.  All the best to you Jill

Offline MizzyG

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Re: Hello
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2019, 05:51:35 PM »
Thanks Jill for your support it just feels so unreal still can’t stop crying I think it’s the finality of everything and not seeing him again. Sending you love and strength talk to your husband everyday as I find it helps, my Daughter has a diary and she records every day how she is feeling and speaks to her Dad x

Offline Jill

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Re: Hello
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2019, 08:51:10 PM »
Thanks Mizzy, that's kind of you.  I still cry every day and I think of my husband all the time really, part of me just can't believe I won't ever see him again, like you say it feels unreal.  It is very tough for your daughter as well.  I do think writing a diary is a very good idea though and talking to him.  Trouble is when I start talking to him, I start crying.  You just have to get through it though.  I really find talking to people here helps a lot, I just know they understand.  I have seen some neighbours and mates yesterday and today, which was nice.  Hope you are having a better day today.  All my understanding Jill.

Offline MizzyG

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Re: Hello
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2019, 09:06:31 PM »
Thanks Jill had quite a few tears today too we have a pup bought for my daughter as she found her dad so a distraction for her, he’s gone into the the garden and pulled up all my hubbys plants 😥 very upsetting. Take care and one day at a time keep in touch xx

Offline Jill

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Re: Hello
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2019, 09:31:07 PM »
Hi Mizzy,  Sorry to hear about the plants but imagine your husband wouldn't mind if he felt the puppy was a comfort to your daughter (and you as well hopefully).  I always think 'what would my husband think about this', still like his approval).  Yes we will keep in touch on here.  All the best Jill.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Hello
« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2019, 09:06:16 AM »
Hello Mizzy,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. Sending you a welcome hug.  :hug:

I am sure it must be very difficult for you to be working at a place that has a link to your partner. I found it hard enough having to go back to work at a place that didn't. I think going back to work is one of the hardest things you have to face after a bereavement. You are not the same person you were before this happened and it changes you and changes how you feel about your work and your life in every respect, so I am sure this is a complication that must be making it even harder for you.

I am glad your daughter is being so supportive and am pleased you have the new puppy to distract you both a little. Pets really do help. it's a pity about the plants though. I hope you were able to repair the damage.

I think we all go through similar experiences when we are grieving. I certainly recognise all that you describe in your post, as I experienced them too. I am almost two years into this journey now and it has got better. Nothing ever really fills the void left by the person you have lost, but you can move forward slowly. You have to. You find your way slowly, and you have to find out what sort of things help and use those little strategies to help yourself. I found having flowers around helped me and walking in the park is still helpful. I find it a calming place to sit to think about all that has happened and try to take it all in.

It takes time, Mizzy, but slowly you learn to live with it and build a new life for yourself in this new 'normal' that you did not want. Tears and loneliness and devastation are constant companions, so you have to find ways to combat them and make things better for yourself. I joined a class in a subject myself and my mother both enjoyed and found that helped. It gave me something to look forward to each week and got me out of the house. I made some very kind understanding friends there too and that helped as well. Perhaps once you are a little further into this journey, you might try something like that too.

I hope you find some comfort and good advice here. Thinking of you... :hearts: