Lost my wife

[Allan]

Hello all. I lost my darling wife on Sunday. She was 59, we had been together just 7 years. The only blessing I have is that I told her I loved her. It was an emergency operation and I kissed her and held her hand whilst she slipped away. I have support at present with my daughter and her partner and the neighbours are great. I have had nastiness from her estranged son and wife, and I know that hasn't gone away. I know its soon, but I just want to talk to people and understand what to do, share experiences and have support when people return to normal life and the house falls silent.

[Karena]

  welcome too the forum - but its always sad when some-one new has to find us.I found writing here helped and i also found a community of people who understand how this journey can be so destructive. We will be here when the house falls empty and as long after that as you need us to be.   

[Allan]

Thank you. There are still people here my daughter is tremendous support but I know she will have to go soon

[longedge]

My sincere condolences to you Allan. Everyone here knows how hard it is although some of us a little further along in 'the journey'. For me it's four and a half years now and I wish you strength in the difficult days I'm sure you'll have ahead of you.

[Karena]

  i had to move house from a tiny hamlet i loved - i could see the hills that surrounded it from my office window and knew i wouldnt be back - but it isnt even the hose because even in a new house i went from rushing home from work on friday with the whole weekend to look forward too, to dragging my feet - then i would go to the local spar shop and aimlessly scan the shelves for food i didnt want to bother eating - and window shop things i didnt want to buy all the way up the street - anything to avoid the moment i opened the door to an empty house - i had my dog then as well and in time knowing he was behind the door tail wagging and waiting helped - when he too died i found myself telling the fish to be a good boy as i left for work in the morning - just to have some-one to say something too -  it really seems sometimes we verge on madness - With the friday nights i started making it treat night - nothing major a long bubble bath some chocolate and a film - i think for me learning to live alone and not be lonely was something that evolved - and as the year moved on the garden helped that as well it needed some serious physical work but also just being around nature makes you feel less alone - so if you don't have a garden, once  we are allowed to go out then finding somewhere you can be around nature will help.It wont stop you from missing her - that will always be there you will always grieve for her - but over time we find ways to live with grief and with being alone. My way isnt every ones way,  for others here filling their lives - going out - joining something has been the answer - you will find your own path  - it will take time you may take wrong turns at times and find yourself back where you started but then you will find another way until you land on one that works for you.

[Allan]

Yes we must all find our own way. I'm glad you are coping. I've joined the site to understand the different ways people cope. I know the grief is mine. She would hate it if I just gave up

[Karena]