Author Topic: Hello  (Read 1083 times)

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Offline Sarahj

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Hello
« on: January 21, 2020, 09:47:38 PM »
Hi everyone ....  My name is Sarah and i am 45 and live in Belfast... i am surrounded by a very supportive family but i have never felt so alone in all my life.

My dearest mum died 20th August 2019 and from then my life has just stopped as before my mum died my life revolved around her, my mum had lived with cancer for 10 years and over the years her mobility worsened and her confidence to go out alone worsened.

Now i am lost, alone, heartbroken... i miss her so bad... i am currently waiting on hospice counselling.

Thank you for accepting me into this support group..

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Hello
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2020, 01:49:43 AM »
So sorry to hear of your loss of your mum, Sarah. I lost my own mum a little over two years ago and I still miss her every day. I remember the feeling you describe and I think we all go through similar feelings of feeling lost and alone. There is no one like your mum and however long you have had to 'prepare yourself' for the worst, it is still a shock when it happens. It's a rocky road to recovery with many a slippery slope along the way, but what I found to cling on to was the thought that my mum loves me and would still want the best for me, even if she isn't here to make it happen anymore, so I have to learn to do that on her behalf now and that has slowly led me forward into a new life and helped me make the best of things. It will take time, but our lovely members here will all understand what you are going through and will help however we can. You are not alone.

If you can manage to remember to eat and drink enough and take care of yourself a little, that will probably be quite enough to cope with for now. I did find it helped me to have flowers to look at and their scent to smell when I was where you are now. It reminded me that there is still beauty and goodness in the world and something worth fighting to live for again. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Recovery and finding a way forward is a slow and difficult process, but it can be done. Just take it a day at a time. Wishing you well and sending you a huge understanding hug.  :hug: :hearts:

Offline Karena

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Re: Hello
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2020, 10:40:52 AM »
Hi Sarah I came here after losing my husband but i also lost my mum before that. what Sandra says is pretty much it - a rocky road with some unexpected trip hazards and when you lose parents no matter what age you are the foundations you were built on seem to crumble from under your feet leaving you suspended tring not to fall into a void.
My mum had cancer and she moved in with us towards the end - she loved watching the birds so we put feeders up where she could see them from the window. After she died my husband made a corner of the garden into a kind of memorial - not in a morbid way - the feeders a little water feature a bench and her favourite plants and i would go out there with my coffee first thing and chat with her - just in a different way than before -because when it comes to asking their advice you know in your heart what it would be and you know what would have made them smile when you told them about your day - it takes find to adjust to the bond between you changing direction but it is never really brocken, and as Sandra says nature reminds us that there is beauty and also that life continues in different forms - a tree leaf falls but it creates life for other creatures so its energy is never really lost just as the energy from our loved ones isnt - since then i had to move house but i took that stuff with me and recreated that space and added my husbands favourite plants - and the waterfeature became a pong because we had a pond as well and he used to love sitting there with his camera at the ready to get wildlife pics - and so what they both have left me with is a love of nature and that has also been my route to healing - even a few minutes a day - a bird song or a flower opening is a reminder of what we have left that is good.
Not everyone has a garden of course - but a planter or a window box - or a walk in the park can make a difference - (i have guerilla planted native daffodills for my husband in various places )a bright spot in an otherwise bad day is something to hold onto and a reminder that those moments are possible and will grow longer and become more frequent -but also that we wont stop missing them - that grief remains part of us but stops being the total of us.