BEREAVEMENTUK SUPPORT FORUM
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: GHOST on December 02, 2018, 11:04:20 PM
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Oh my god, i dont understand how some people think?!! Why would someone think that, let alone decide to say that! I think you've definitely worked out their opinion is worth diddly sqaut!! They do say what people do/say is a reflection of themselves not you, so do remember that - reflects their unhappiness/bitter approach to life (or maybe they never learnt social skills??)
I think you're making amazing steps - having been a recluse its a hard step to come out of your comfort zone but you're also doing it whilst hurt - that takes alot of courage and strength. And every step, no matter how small you might think it is, should be celebrated as they are all steps forward. Just like right at the beginning just getting out of bed and basic self care is a big step to be acknowledged. I'm very sure Ruth will be watching and be ever so proud. Keep an eye out for any signs of encouragement from her (a feather on your journey etc) :hearts:
Maybe the next step (when you're ready, and however it looks broken down into steps) could be to try some kind of group? Any local groups which take your interest? Get you to know the locals a little more and may spark a friendship. Or when you do the intarsias, is there any possibility to stay there a bit and volunteer? Or with your wildlife knowledge any volunteering options there, guiding people perhaps?
You have so much to offer as a friend, and we never know what may happen at some point in the future, a good friend, a companion or a partner. (Neither would ever take away from what you will always have with Ruth) whatever you choose in the future will be right for you. Xx
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firstly take no notice of these people their choice to give up on life does not need to be yours.
Second there are a myriad of reasons to look after yourself other than potential new partners as well as Rory - how will you go about photographing the wild life or being in your workshop -how would you cope living where you do if you cannot drive - there is a lot to lose of what you have already achieved in the last 10 months - you are not going to let these people - specifically the one who is mainly responsible for this, drag you down to their level.
You dont have to take up jogging - ( i hope not anyway because i cant jog) - walking more works just as well - have you though about cycling - or an excercise bike - the key is not to take in more calories than you put out - but also remember that weight is not always created by fat but by muscle and muscle is heavier than fat - so weight alone isnt the issue, size (on this occasion) is relevant -so unless youre bursting your shirt buttons off dont panic but think about cutting down on cakes etc - if they tempt you in the supermarket read the ingrediants - as a wildlife lover you will know about the palm oil issues - finding cakes/biscuits/chocolate without it, helps you leave the shop empty handed.It doesnt mean you cant have treats just that there are healthier treat options.
As for "it doesnt matter because you wont ever have a wife/girlfirend again" what kind of idiot says this - well actually we know what kind - but its only 10 months and even though sometimes it hard to imagine how awful being alone for the rest of your life is - stop imagining it,because no one knows what the future holds for any of us -what will be will be - maybe you will meet some-one else and as Emz says that doesnt mean you stop loving Ruth -but frankly, after Ruth and the relationship you had, someone who judges you on looks alone is not going to come close to matching up - we arnt sixteen any more (i am 21 now) and those kind of value judgements change -
Alternatively maybe you wont meet anyone, but that doesnt mean you cant have a life, or that friends wont be enough so in terms of health make caring for what you have got and do now,and that potential new motorbike your goal - if you you dont love yourself, then you cant ask anyone else too - that doesnt mean loving yourself in the vanity way but in a soul way take care of yourself - for yourself which also means taking care of others who contribute too your well being - again not in a selfish way, but Rory is the light in your life - and the others, who are not but you feel you owe it too for Ruth - you do what you can - but what you dont have to do is take on their negativity. :hug:
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Youre doing fine Brian you have taken some big steps in the last few months - much bigger than he has in his whole life. :hug:
cant find any vegetarian mincepies so have made my own filling -and it will reside in the jar for at least two weeks before it becomes mince pies - i also didnt have a recipe - so having mixed cooked apple with mixed fruit dates and glace cherries and some vegetarian suet it did occur to me i dont know how this stuff actually preseves itself - so i nipped out and got a mini bottle of brandy - as i have no idea how much to put in and no other use for brandy the lot went in :whistle:- imagine my shock when i discovered what looked to be a big bowl full turned out to be a large coffee jars worth - i dont think i will be able to see after eating these mince pies, let alone worry about LED lit male swimwear. :rofl:
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Wow, now there's a piccie for your Christmas card - flashing led mankini! :rofl:
Sounds like you'll be very merry karena!
I made mince pies a few years ago, gluten free ones, I must remember to do them again as they came out ok :-) I'm not feeling very festive, but yummy food is always welcome! Xx
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speaking of eden project, i read that there may be one coming oop north. to morecombe - perhaps you can sell your Ross pin ups there - do a before and after series -
Before - farmer Ross - when stripping shirts off was just for scything.
During - The coppermine years - when the producers realised he wouldnt have time to be scything so thought the next pin up moment should be a quick heroic dip in the sea After - The coppermine,s bust again - when Demelza comes up with the eden project (because lets face it she,s the brainy one) - and naturally being in the green house is another opportunity for legitimate shirt removal.
Only now you wont have to go all the way to Cornwall to film just a bit down the coast (and you can drop Rory off at mine and pick him up after you finished :cool::rofl:)
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Oh, this strikes a chord! I've never been the slimmest person. I only have to look at a bag of donuts and the pounds pile on! But like you, shortly after I took up dancing to help me get over my loss last year, one of the blokes there told me I should just eat vegetables and fruit and nothing else! I didn't go back for a week as result, I felt so humiliated! Then I thought, why should I stay away because of him? So I went back. Now, despite the weight, I have passed several dance tests with honours and am very pleased with my achievements! One of the ladies I have become friends with there nicknamed him 'lettuce leaf' after I told her about what happened. Now I just avoid him! And despite the weight, I still dance better than he does as well!
I know I should lose weight and I do try, but have a sit-down job, which doesn't help. I have changed shape a little due to the dancing and am sure some of the weight now is due to an increase in muscle development too, but I still look like'Ten-Ton- Tessie' in photos, so I will have to start working on this harder too, As you say, you worry more about your health when you are on your own. I am trying to avoid cakes in the run up to Christmas, so that 'i can enjoy some Christmas cake over the festive season, not that I am feeling particularly festive. It will only be the second on my own, but mum always loved my Christmas cake too, so I want to make one, partly in memory of her. I made her my Christmas cake for her birthday a couple of weeks before she fell ill with her last illness and am so glad I did as she didn't make it to Christmas.
Anyway, I suppose I'm trying to point out that people do say hurtful thoughtless things, but as a lady just on the wrong side of my mid-fifties, I consider myself to be just at the start of a new phase in my life, sadly without my lovely mum now, but still doing things she would have enjoyed and for the first time in my life without the responsibility of looking after anyone else but me, which, although I also find my weight concerning in terms of my health, especially as I am on my own, I also feel I have a lot to look forward to and enjoy and I intend to do just that for as long as I can. Life isn't over for you when you're only in your fifties or sixties or more, come to that! We have a lovely chap who is still regularly coming to dancing at 98! So you should never give up! And pay no heed to those who make mean, thoughtless comments!
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I doubt any of us are models - but theyre not realistic anyway - i,m certainly not and being short doesnt help -i got some -proper hand made apple cider vinegar at the weekend from a xmas market stall - youre suposed to drink a teaspoon mixed with water in the mornings - and it acts as an appetite supressent as well as a myriad of other health benefits - so i will see -mostly with me its in the evenings -more boredom than hunger in reality - but as you say the sit down job doesnt help and without a dog i find going out for a walk tends to not happen especially in winter -i,m better in summer when i can get in the garden.
I think we are at a time of life when we finally discover who we are, our goals change maybe less ambitious - certainly in terms of careers -but we learn to live with the person we have become -and even like them and we learn to ignore those whose opinion doesnt matter.
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Hi guys, I know this thread was started by Brian on a serious issue, but it has made me chuckle tonight, so thank you!
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You have a head start on me Brian - trains are rubbish, you'd have advance warning! Lol :cheesy: :wink: xx
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Hi guys, I know this thread was started by Brian on a serious issue, but it has made me chuckle tonight, so thank you!
I think that is one of the great things about this forum -support can be in the form of humour because it is so important to have some lightness through the dark journey we are all on.
Its ok Emz the train journey can end in being picked up at a station en route and arriving in a different mode of trasnport - watch Brian run for the hills when two slightly bonkers ladies turn into his drive in a campervan - now that really would give the critics something to think about. Brian hiding in the woods surviving on berries and foraging for mushrooms while two women cavort on his lawn (when i say cavort i mean put an awning up fully clothed, but living in rural quarters myself i know how quickly it would become cavorting in the eyes of certain people )- and it works out well all round -we get a holiday and time with Rory -Brian gets to lose weight, until he finally comes out of hiding and trys to grab the blueberry muffin bait .
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I'll start baking a range of bait now :rofl:
:hearts: xx
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I,m thinking we will have to suspend it all in the trees but remain close too a light weight step ladder once the Brian trap is sprung, given that neither of us are very tall a slap round the ear might not be possible from ground level :rofl:
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The gingerbread biscuits bait is underway at the moment. Letting my dinner go down (and chilling the dough) then I'm ready to cut out shapes :grin: xx
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LOL How did ya know i like gingernuts? LOL
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Big flaw in this plan - how will i be able to resist eating the bait myself - you will have to lock it away Emz. :rofl:
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I'll double up my baking, plenty for all to eat then :cheesy: xx
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hmm i am starting to looke forward to this even more now. :coffeetoast:
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firstly take no notice of these people their choice to give up on life does not need to be yours.
Second there are a myriad of reasons to look after yourself other than potential new partners as well as Rory - how will you go about photographing the wild life or being in your workshop -how would you cope living where you do if you cannot drive - there is a lot to lose of what you have already achieved in the last 10 months - you are not going to let these people - specifically the one who is mainly responsible for this, drag you down to their level.
You dont have to take up jogging - ( i hope not anyway because i cant jog) - walking more works just as well - have you though about cycling - or an excercise bike - the key is not to take in more calories than you put out - but also remember that weight is not always created by fat but by muscle and muscle is heavier than fat - so weight alone isnt the issue, size (on this occasion) is relevant -so unless youre bursting your shirt buttons off dont panic but think about cutting down on cakes etc - if they tempt you in the supermarket read the ingrediants - as a wildlife lover you will know about the palm oil issues - finding cakes/biscuits/chocolate without it, helps you leave the shop empty handed.It doesnt mean you cant have treats just that there are healthier treat options.
As for "it doesnt matter because you wont ever have a wife/girlfirend again" what kind of idiot says this - well actually we know what kind - but its only 10 months and even though sometimes it hard to imagine how awful being alone for the rest of your life is - stop imagining it,because no one knows what the future holds for any of us -what will be will be - maybe you will meet some-one else and as Emz says that doesnt mean you stop loving Ruth -but frankly, after Ruth and the relationship you had, someone who judges you on looks alone is not going to come close to matching up - we arnt sixteen any more (i am 21 now) and those kind of value judgements change -
Alternatively maybe you wont meet anyone, but that doesnt mean you cant have a life, or that friends wont be enough so in terms of health make caring for what you have got and do now,and that potential new motorbike your goal - if you you dont love yourself, then you cant ask anyone else too - that doesnt mean loving yourself in the vanity way but in a soul way take care of yourself - for yourself which also means taking care of others who contribute too your well being - again not in a selfish way, but Rory is the light in your life - and the others, who are not but you feel you owe it too for Ruth - you do what you can - but what you dont have to do is take on their negativity. :hug:
wholeheartedly agreed and endorsed xx hugs brian xx