Author Topic: My mum died  (Read 1170 times)

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Offline Biggles1

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My mum died
« on: January 30, 2020, 10:54:47 PM »
Hi
i'm adam and i live in west yorkshire. My mum died on tuesday after a 5 month illness with lymphoma. I'm sort of coping ok as i am very pragmatic and realistic about what has happened and i know grief is a process that will take time.  My father lost his wife of sixty years and it's my dad i worry about. It has devastated him. I know the grief is raw at present. And i know my family will give tons of support. It is unbearable to see his pain. I have lost my mum and to se my dad suffering as well is too much.   Time will help i suppose.  Thankyou for taking the time to read.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: My mum died
« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2020, 01:06:44 AM »
So sorry to hear about you mum and your worry for your poor dad. All you can do is try to look after each other. Try to make sure he eats and drinks enough and just be there for him. There's not much else you can do at this point. Sending you an understanding hug.  :hug:

Offline Karena

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Re: My mum died
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2020, 10:35:58 AM »
 :hug: like Sandra says it is a case of being there for him but dont lose yourself in caring for him and allow yourself to grieve as well.By sharing the grief and also talking about happier times with your mum will help its easy to get caught in a cycle of  just remembering the last part of some-ones life which is horrendous and forgetting their whole life which was the reason they were special and the reason we loved them. My stepson helped me clear a lot of my husbands old stuff out of the garage  -and at one point he pulled out a pair of embarassing speedos which had us both laughing - and for him also sparked memorys of a holiday when he was little -which because i wasnt around then he could share with me -and  knowing the man but not the occasion i got more then if it was just a story being told to some-one else who didnt know him. - it made a difference to both of us i think - so if your dad wants to talk about the early days with your mum or you come across something from those times dont be afraid to ask him about it and share not just the grief at losing her but the things she and her life were about. the kind of thing you might say was "typical of mum"   

Offline SarahB

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Re: My mum died
« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2020, 12:12:42 PM »
Hi Adam

Reaching out to you as I lost my Mum last month and have already lost my Dad so going through a lot of emotions myself. I understand that you want to help your Dad. I feel like I've become a surrogate mother to my own brother who is only 2 years younger than me. You're in my thoughts and please talk whenever you need to.

Sarah  :hearts: