Trying to see a future.

[Patrickt]

My lovely wife died suddenly just before Christmas 2015.
A month after her 59th birthday.
No warning, no symptoms, just collapsed while I was in another room. I desperately tried to revive her with mouth to mouth and CPR but sadly to no avail. On that awful day l feel my life ended too. I have spent the past three months existing in lonely twilight world that has no interest to me at all.
We were married for 37 years and did everything together.

[Cairo]

How terrible for you. I doubt if you will be able to see a future yet. I think you just have to keep going and recognise it will be a long haul. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Emz2014]

  it is still such early days.  It will get easier to cope, but it takes time, and everyone's journey is unique.  You will find over time there will be more better days between the bad.  Keep talking with us xx

[marvil296]

so sorry for you.My husband collapsed at home too I felt terrible when I couldn't help him .It still doesn't feel real .Like you I find it hard to to loose ur soulmate. Life doesn't  have the same meaning. I hope you have support from friends and family Take care . My gran always said to me you will never be alone .because you hold your loved one in your heart and they are with you always every where you go.

[Sylvenna]

Hi, this is my first post, and I also lost my husband very suddenly before Christmas, we were together from the age of 15, and I am really struggling with this, as he was my world

[Norma]

Please post 2 more sylvenna so we can getbyou some support

[Dave Administrator]

Hi, this is my first post, and I also lost my husband very suddenly before Christmas, we were together from the age of 15, and I am really struggling with this, as he was my world

Hello Sylvenna.

What Norma means is it's just first 3 posts for approval to stop spammers not that we can't support you anyway before then.

Please accept my sincere condolences, it sound's like you were together forever. We are here to listen and support you for as long as it takes, as everyone here knows first hand how much your hurting.

Please keep posting it really does help to share I promise.

[Patrickt]

Thank you for your kind words and replies.
I have been staying with my brother and his wife since that awful day. Only travelling back (with someone) occasionally to collect the post and check the place is ok. I just can't face going in the house alone, my wifes clothes and things are everywhere and the memory of that dreadful day just fills my head and l have to leave straight away.
Will l ever be able to live there alone?

I returned to work for a few days last week on the advice of my doctor who said l needed to get some "normal" back into my life. It gave me something to get up for in the mornings, but by the late afternoon l started to get depressed, realising that this was the time l used to look forward to going home to spend the evening with my wife and that wasn't ever going to happen again.
Where do I go from here?

[Dave Administrator]

Patrick easy for me to say know but you have to fight this feeling of just giving up on everything and thinking you are not as strong as you really are, as it will spiral you down so quickly and you will get into a monster depression trust me you don't need.

By all means take baby steps to get through all this but never kid yourself you can't do it. I can say these tough words because of the amount of time I have had this site and seen this happen time and time again always leading to the same place and climbing out of that hole you could find yourself in is so very hard to get back out of.

This is why your GP has advised you to get some "normal" back into your life because of what I'm telling you may happen if you don't.

Set yourself a very small task at a time to achieve and nothing more till you have done that one, this way you will get there in the end and put peace back into your life once more.

[Cairo]

Dear Patrick. I am so sorry for your loss. It's my first day back at work today so I know how hard it can be. I had a minor meltdown but I am finding it helpful to have things to concentrate on.

I'm lucky in that I am a director of the business and so have said I will only do 4 hours a day for the first two weeks. Not so lucky in that my husband was also a director and so I have to deal with him not being here in the office as well as not being at home.

In my life I've had to cope with quite a few painful experiences. I've learned it's amazing what strength you can find when you have to, but you do have to take tiny steps and not worry if you slide back sometimes. Just try not to give up, no matter how much you feel like it. I am sure your wife would not want you to suffer more than necessary but would hope you could eventually build a life that you can bear and that has some happiness in it. It will take time.

Something that I have found helped me to find strength in the past is Guided Imagery and Affirmations. At the weekend I downloaded one on Grief and I'm listening to it every morning and evening. It helps to channel my feelings and to give me hope. You aren't allowed to post links here but the website I use is called HealthJourneys and the recordings are by Belleruth Naperstak so I think you would find it if you do a search. She is American but not with a grating voice. I download them as an mp3 so I can play them on my computer but you can also get a CD or a tape. You have to buy them but I have found them so helpful in the past I consider it an investment for my emotional health.

The Guided Imagery is a sort of meditation where you breathe deeply, relax, and imagine you are in a safe place. I sometimes go to sleep listening to it. The Affirmations are positive statements that acknowledge what you are feeling but also that you intend to look after your health and to gradually heal. For me they work better than the Guided Imagery.

There are British equivalents I think if you don't want an American accent.

[marvil296]

Hi sylvenna. I know its hard to type a post.I'm new myself and I found it hard .It will help.Like you I lost my lovely husband to.I We were together since I was 17.We are own the same path .Its so hard but I believe they take each step with you and they never leave you .Though you feel as if you are alone they are by your side holding your hand.

[Sylvenna]

I have two amazing sons, but I feel completely alone in this, as my husband John protected and looked after me in all walks of life. I am like a lost sheep, as all I can do is imagine his touch, his voice, his laugh, his everything, but you can't keep telling your sons these things, over and over.
I feel as though my heart has been ripped out x

[Joann]