12 months...

[longedge]

On Sunday it's exactly 12 months. I keep telling everybody it's just another day but as it draws nearer I can't reassure myself. I promised myself I wouldn't be here now.....

I've had a card from a couple who are some of our closest friends, Just before Chris died their youngest son died very suddenly out of the blue. I can't make myself contact them - I'll lose control....

[Hubby]

I feel for you George. 12 months is a pretty huge milestone. I could say that the anticipation of events like that is often worse than the day itself but, not having got to 12 months, it's unknown territory for me.

I was saying to my counsellor this week that the way I sometimes feel I don't think I will be here for the 12 month anniversary of Margarets death. I guess I chose that day because of the significance we tend to attach to milestones like that but It should be just another day. Just another day without our loved ones and we have got through many of those.

Im sure your friends will understand if you lose control and will give you support. The card shows they know the anniversary is coming up and are thinking about you. They have just gone through their 12 months.

Wishing you strength

[Brian71]

I can only echo Hubbys comments George, 1yr is a big milestone,  it's 7mths for me on 4th November so one year is way off yet.  This xmas will be difficult, I'm sure that first xmas always will be a I suppose, and must have been a bad time for you last Xmas George as it was still so raw for you then.   I don't think any of us will ever get used to it,  I'm trying I really am but inside I know I'm just kidding myself.

Today is not so good...  I've been feeling really depressed all morning with lots of crying,  I don't think it's ever going to go away.   Anyway my friend you want someone to lift you, not depress you more, so will cut there.     You take care.

A man hug from me..

[longedge]

Thanks to both of you. It got really bad last night - I should've gone to bed earlier  . Most of the time now I'm OK and I even find myself whistling sometimes. Tomorrow will come and go no matter what. I think it was the postcard that caught me on the hop. The thought that even though our friends have gone through the misery of losing their son, they were still thinking about me. You'd think it would make me feel good but for some reasonm I can't explain it really threw my emotins into turmoil. Ah well.....

[Brian71]

As Hubby said,  the fact they were thinking of you George at this time was nice though,  even though the card didn't have the effect they intended.

Good to hear that things are slowly getting better George,  though as you well know,  sometimes at the most unexpected moments something can set us off.

[Hubby]

I think it's to be expected George. We have days we dread and that leads us to be more fragile in the run up to them. It doesn't take much to set us off when we're in that frame of mind.

I hope Sunday isn't as bad as you fear and you find time for some happy memories.

 

[Karena]

  hope today was manageable.

[longedge]

Thanks all.

The reality wasn't as bad as anticipated in fact it's been quite a good day. I had all my family round this afternoon and I got an Indian Takeaway for us. This evening my daughters insisted on watching strictly comic dancing  . I've just now finished tidying up and I'm having the last glass out of a bottle of wine that didn't get finished. Everybody actually managed to have a laugh or three at my expense mainly coz I've stopped wearing my hearing aids and I get everything wrong or pick up on a conversation topic and say something I think is appropriate only to have everyone look at me quizzically before someone says, "Yes that's what I said a moment ago!" I have to admit I lay it on a bit sometimes just because it's nice to see them all amused  .

So that's it - 1 year gone and things could be a lot worse.

[Hubby]

I'm so pleased to hear that your day went OK George.

[Norma]

Well done Longedge, think its true the build up to our first anniversary is so much worse than the actual day, xx
 

[Julie Magson]

Glad you got through it George 

[Brian71]

I'm also pleased to hear it wasn't quite so bad as you expected George.
Manhug..