12 weeks since I lost my fiancee

[Sab31]

Its so incredible hard to except that this weekend would have been a truly happy day, one of the happiest days of my life as I would have married my soul mate. The most amazingly kind, handsome, charming, thoughtful, loving, fun, caring, loyal partner  I could have ever asked for. A man that through all our highs and lows always made it feel ok and thrived to do his absolute best for us all. We were so blessed to have him enter our lives, though it was not for long enough! we can only treasure every moment we had together now and will forever hold him in our hearts. He was taken from this world to soon and is missed and loved so very very much every single day. Feeling  incredible lost, alone and broken things seem to be harder every single day struggle to get up most days. 

[Julie Magson]

Oh my goodness Sab what a bittersweet day for you, I can't imagine what you must be going through today. I know that we are not who you really want but we are all here to listen ad hopefully help you get through each day. I too struggle to get up each day- in fact I didn't get up till 1 0'clock today and that makes me feel even worse.
What you are feeling is horrible but 'normal' whatever that is......   

[Brian71]

So sorry to hear about your loss Sab, sometimes life can seem so cruel, when it takes away the soulmate we love,  leaving this massive feeling of emptiness, the reality that they will never be with us ever again, and somehow we have to go on living without them.  Sometimes it feels impossible to do, and it's certainly not easy, everyone on this forum knows that only too well,  but we have to try because we don't have a choice.

Time does help, but you will likely be grieving for quite some time yet, indeed, do we ever really stop grieving because we miss that person in our life, 'Who was our life' and now they are gone.   It will get easier Sab, most of us here take it one day at a time, and there will be days much worse than others, but be assured that everyone here knows what you are feeling....There's nothing worse, and I wish there was some magic words of comfort I could share with you to help you, but sadly I don't,  other than reassuring you,  you are not alone and sometimes talking about how you feel with others does help, knowing they have gone through and are still experiencing those same feelings.

We all need a hug occasionally, so here's a big hug from me.   
You take care.

Best wishes....Brian

[Sab31]

Thank you all for you kind words. It is true, not getting up makes me feel so much worse but some days its just to painful to fight  through another day when
 we feel so deeply sad. I find days i have to get up for work I can, as I have no choice but other days when I need to do nothing I do exactly that.  I'm so greatful for this forum and everyone's supportive words.

[Brian71]

Staying in bed longer than normal is common after losing someone so close,  I'm 71 so retired, in fact I often wonder whether having a job might be a positive thing when one is grieving as it may take your mind of it for a short while,  just my own thoughts.

I've certainly found myself staying in bed longer, though it's happening less often now,  I noticed Hubby one of our members mentioned he didn't get up till 5pm recently,  I can well believe it as I suppose it gives you a little escape from reality for a while, so you don't have to face another full day on your own without your loved one.  The longest I stayed in bed was till 3pm one day,  I'm certainly getting up later than I used to do, almost a feeling that I have nothing to get up for.   All typical of someone in grief, as some days you feel you cannot face life,  but AIS it will get easier Sab.. it just takes time.

[Julie Magson]

Yes you're right - I have an early morning job but working in a school so I have had the endless 6 weeks holiday for the first time. When I'm back at work I will have to get up at 6.30 and I'm dreading it in a way- yes it makes me get up but that is one long day to fill! Today has been horrible for me but I think staying in bed didn't help at all. So we can understand the need for sleep to eclipse things.

[Brian71]

Sorry to hear today's not been good Julie,  yes I can imagine being off work while the children are on hols has made it a bit tougher.    Most days I'm up well before 10am,  Friday I was up at 7am,  I am very much a very late nighter person, or should I say early hours as it's often 2am or later when I go to bed,  I've never required many hours sleep, and if I go to bed earlier I spend all night wide awake, just thinking about things...brain doesn't seem to close down...lol

That's how I managed to stay with my wife at her bedside every night during those last 4 days of her life in hospital.

I went to bed the other night about 12.30am...early for me,  and at 4am I was still wide awake and ended up getting up and making myself a cup of tea, and never went back to bed....even the sleeping tablets don't work after a while because your body gets used to them and the effect of the tabs become less effective.

[Emz2014]

Sending a big hug  Sab31    such a hard day xxx

[Hubby]

Sorry to hear of your loss Sab.

Don't worry about staying in bed. I know it seems a wasted day when you finally manage to get up but whatever gets you through the day in the early stages is the way to go. I lost my partner 5 months ago and still have days when I prefer to hide under the duvet. Like you I get up for work because I have to but at weekends there seems no point.

Wishing you strength

 

[Norma]

Just been reading your posts about staying in bed, sometimes bed is our little bubble of escape when we want to be alone with our thoughts without interuptions, and im sure you have all had times like that, its okay to do that we do whatever we can to get us through the nightmare xxx

 

[Sab31]

It's true bed can be our bubble, I've had a bad two nights as my children stayed away with sister so I could go to work. I  work 13 hour shifts and now struggle to find childcare for children. It was so hard being alone in bed I have not been alone since my fiancée past as my children sleep with me. It was a very upsetting thing to have to do, I managed to sleep but waking alone was hard.i have to get used to sleeping alone it's just very hard. I am also struggle at work as I work in a hospital the hospital my partner was in and it's so hard to work, everything in my mind  seems to keep relating back to my partners passing. It's reassuring to know all I'm feeling in common reactions to such a big loss.
Hugs to all members supporting me with your kind words 

[Hubby]

It must be really hard working in the same hospital. I had a terrible time when I had to go to the A&E Margaret was taken to and still can't bring myself to go to the neuro centre she was transferred to and passed away in even though my daughter has appointments there.

Something that helps me when I am alone in bed is having a cushion with Margarets dressing gown sew into it I the bed. It may sound crazy but it makes me feel less lonely having something of hers that I can cuddle up to. It may not work for you but it's something to consider.

 

[Sab31]

Ow yes thank you That doesn't sounds silly to me I did exactly the same with my matts favourite fleece jacket last night it was comforting.
It's so incredible hard for me being a nurse in the hospital where it all happened but I have to keep going for my children all I do is keep trying to hold it together every day, it's so incredible hard.