Bulding a new life

[angela33]

Is there anyone out there who has created a happy and fulfilled life after the loss of a husband or wife?  I'm getting really bogged down in sadness 9 months after loss of my husband and realise this is still very early days, but I feel I need some encouragement from those further down the road who can say yes, it's possible to live, love and enjoy life again without forever feeling the weight of the loss.  Am I asking too much? 

[Julie Magson]

Oh I do hope the answer is yes!

[Brian71]

On reading your posts Angela,  it sounds like you have many more friends than I, as TBH I don't have any, acquaintances yes,  but not what I call friends,   never needed any, my wife was my best friend, though I have kept in touch with a few long distance friends I've known for decades mainly over the phone as most live outside the UK now.

So that's one area I need to expand on, and because I like eating out and have 8 or 9 breaks away from home each year as indeed my wife and I have always done since I retired, I suppose it would be nice to develop some friendship,  and socialise more.  No-one can replace my wife so that's not going to happen,  but the odd meal or day out with a friend would be nice, exchange the odd banter over a nice meal,  it would be nice to have a friend occupying that passenger seat occasionally, maybe even holidays....who knows.

As I posted in another topic,  in say 2 years time, assuming I'm still here, would I still want to be moping around all day at home living in the past, and crying when I think about my wife, and thinking about what might have been,  I suppose the answer to that has to be no...I don't,  I hope by then I can talk and think about my dear wife without the river of tears,  but you will never forget your partner, and AIS that will NEVER happen,  you cannot just wipe out 49yrs of marriage at a stroke, like some hospital doctors and other people think you can.

[pennyking]

It's over 5 years for me.  I was 39 when I lost my hubby.  I have 2 boys who are my life at the moment.  I live best I can for them, have health issues but I do what I can.  I still have the occasional blip but always pick myself up again.  As for finding love, I never say never, as who knows what is round the corner.  Take care. x

[Karena]

This is the second time I have been widowed,so yes it is possible to find love again,The first time Mark died from cancer aged 30.It took time and years of friendship.Mark and Keith's wife Pauline were on the same ward,she died shortly after Mark.Our youngest daughters were at school together so it brought them close,and us too.Keith was the only person I could talk too,and we did talk about everything,but it was 7 years before we became more than friends.During that time I went back to college and eventually got a degree.Keith and I were together 10 years before he had a stroke,I became his carer,then he died.Going to college,getting a degree and the time I spent with Keith were happy and fulfilling times.
You,d think the second time I would know what to expect from grief but it was very different.Five years on and I still have days that are blips,just this morning I ended up in tears at work after a conversation about marriage and being reminded of all those little everyday things that I miss.But most of the time there is a level of content.I lost confidence I was never good at socialising,Keith was the outgoing one I forgot how to make small talk actually I had nothing to say,but I did keep going camping with friends,I did manage to go back to dolphin watching and I,m quite happy to travel on my own.I do online courses,and because they're free have been on a journey of discovery about what I can and can't do,what does and doesn't interest me,which in turn has pointed me in a future direction.I am currently writing a children's book for a food growing project which is going out to schools in Africa.
I am not looking for love,I have been very lucky to have been loved by two amazing husbands,I think that's more than my fair share,but I am learning to be alone.

[Hubby]

A friends mother lost her husband ten years ago. She is now with a new partner and has developed a new 'sieze the moment' attitude to life and seems to be enjoying herself though she does admit to still having tearful days.

For myself I cannot see me ever moving on from this. Like Brian my wife was my best friend and I don't think I could ever truly relax around someone like I could around her if I had ten lifetimes.

Of course that view might change as time goes by.

[CornishDave]

I think it is possible to love more than once in life Hubby even though you will not believe it at the moment. I think you never will forget your first love, but sometimes you can find another I guess it will just be different. Unlike the rest of you I have only lost my first girl friend and have been married to my second for 51 years. I still remember my first love as just that "My First Love", I did not whilst I was younger but I do now. After 52 years I still mourn the passing of my teenage sweetheart, so I can hardly imagine how hard it is for you.

[Julie Magson]

Wow Karena- I so admire what you're doing.

[longedge]

Hi Angela. I haven't posted for a while although I pop in to have a look now and again when I feel up to it (been very down for a while now). Your post grabbed my attention as I've wondered the same thing myself and I've come to the conclusion that our feelings probably change over time. I'm 9 and a bit months down the line now and I still feel as I did at first i.e. there can never be anyone else but I'm also aware that I'm changing and I think it's driven by a need for companionship. I hope that in time and if I'm spared I might get to know someone who I could share the rest of my life with. I think that if it did happen, then it would be someone in the same position as me and it would be with a mutual acceptance that we both have a special place in our hearts that cannot be shared.

[Brian71]

I think the previous post by George about sums up how I feel too,...no-ones going to replace the lifetime love we have for our lost ones,  but it doesn't mean we should not seek new friendships,   friends that feel the same empathy,  just being able to chat sometimes or to share a nice meal out somewhere instead of on your own would be nice for both parties I think.

I know there are members meetups we can attend,  and maybe that's a good starting place,   It has to be better than moping at home crying our eyes out almost every day.

You all take care, and I hope you all have a good day tomorrow...

[Hubby]

As usual I think George has it spot on.

[longedge]

As usual I think George has it spot on.

You're giving me a warm glow now Hubby -- still no man hug icon so  just for you.

It's the first time for weeks I've been able to post - thank you.

[Emz2014]

Hi Brian. There are more meet ups happening nowadays, we're planning another weekend one for next year (as central as we can so as many peeps as possible can join) and there are lots of mini ones (afternoons, days) happening across various locations. Keep an eye on the Meet Up thread.  Or start a suggestion on that thread of a location and see who can make it :-)
I do believe some members have actually met future partners via a meet up. But you will always come away with fun memories and friends.  People often arrive nervous, as it is something they've never done before or out of their comfort zone but within minutes people are talking away and very soon laughing together
If you go on the Facebook page atall you will see various photos of meets,  a little group met again recently.  Definitely come away with friends from a meet, I came away from the Bristol meet last year with great friends who I'm looking forward to seeing again
If people here aren't using Facebook and would like to see some photos from previous meets let me know and I'll see if I can add some here
Xx