Author Topic: Lack of meaning  (Read 6729 times)

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Offline angela33

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Lack of meaning
« on: July 29, 2016, 01:18:33 PM »
Does anyone have difficulty with a lack of meaning to life after loss of spouse?  I am on my own (no family or children) and although I am keeping everything going in terms of myself, my dog and home, somehow everything seems meaningless. When I've done some gardening or cleaned the house just feel overwhelmed by a sense of futility - no-one going to come home and notice or comment on what I've done, same when I've washed my hair for example or dressed up, just feel awful that no-one will notice or comment. I know I need to build a life that includes the reality of my situation (alone) but am finding it so very hard. Its like I have not only lost my husband but also my purpose, role and identity, so aloneness is all I feel.  (I have been widowed for 9 months and am 68 years old)

Offline longedge

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2016, 01:32:31 PM »
Hello Angela, I feel very much the same way that you do despite the fact that I have daughters, grandsons, brother & sister in law all within a few hundred yards of where I live. I'm sure that the loss of your life partner is something that nobody can make up for. It's a half of the whole that has disappeared and there isn't a salve available for the gaping wound that's left.

Do you get out and about? Are there any local organistions you could join just to get some company from time to time. I had the offer of joining a long term bereaved support group through our local hospice some time ago and although I didn't take up the offer, I had previously attended a 6 week support group at the hospice which I found helpful.
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Julie Magson

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2016, 02:42:22 PM »
Hello Angela- wow you've described me perfectly in your post. I noticed the front of the kitchen cupboard need washing but I feel like- what's the point doing them? Sometimes I can't even be bothered having a shower- I can always do it tomorrow. I don't drive and my children are 2 and 3 bus rides away. I've been widowed for 11 weeks and I'm 64, it's all very 'what's the point' for me at the moment. Do you want to swap emails ( I don't know how to message someone privately on here - if someone can advise if that's possible?)and at least we could chat that way?

Offline longedge

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2016, 04:04:05 PM »
Julie - to p.m. someone just click on their user name and it will open their profile. One of th links in there is to send a p.m.  :smiley:
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Julie Magson

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2016, 04:08:17 PM »
Oh thank you!   :smiley:

Offline colin

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2016, 04:36:54 PM »
Hi ,I have the same feelings,I lost my darling Pat 16weeks ago tonight,feel totally lost and broken,we had been together for almost 52yrs from being 17yrs I Worshiped my princess{thats what I used to call her},we were always together,walked the hills of Cumbria,Peak District,did Mt Snowdon etc thought we was so fit.Just dont  want to go out on my own, if I do go out I get back home a.s.a.p.I have had some reasonablely good days.My Son and family have helped,but they do not know how much I loved my darling,miss her so much it's hard to explain or put into words how much.Talk to her every day,cry for her all the time,we will be together again one day.that thought keeps me going. Sending my best wishes. :hearts:

Offline Julie Magson

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2016, 04:41:41 PM »
Hi Colin- if nothing else at least we all know that we are not the only ones in this dreadful place right now (although I wouldn't wish it on anyone). The best thing about here is that you don't need to try to explain- everyone just 'knows'.

Offline sue smith

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2016, 05:31:20 PM »
Hello Angela and welcome.   I am also 68  (although if asked I am 35)  and I know exactly how you are feeling.  I do have a daughter and grandsons but they have their own lives and actually most of the time it is just me.  I was carer for my husband for around 40 years and then suddenly I had no husband, no purpose.  It took a lot of getting used to and after nearly 6 years I still can't say I enjoy it - but I do cope with it and I do have a life on my own.  I miss Colin all the time and always will.  I think we are at a difficult age,  not really old but nowhere near young any more,  no job,  in my case - never a joiner so hard to find something now.  All I can say is that you will get through this,  it will take a little time but you will get there xx

Offline Julie Magson

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2016, 06:07:08 PM »
We're getting quite a little group of young oldies together here!

Offline sue smith

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2016, 08:59:07 PM »
maybe we should be "older youngsters"   -   you are as old as you feel,  which some days gives me a bit of a problem !!!

Offline Hubby

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2016, 10:39:45 PM »
Hi Angela.

I also have lost purpose in my life since losing my wife, Margaret. In the early days I couldn't manage to do anything, not even getting out of bed some days, but now I find myself doing more and more jobs just to keep my mind occupied and try to keep the maudlin thoughts at bay.

But no matter what I do it all seems pointless. I can even walk away from a job halfway through knowing it might be days or weeks before I return to it because I'm just not interested. I used to enjoy doing little jobs because I would get a bit of praise or see a happy look on Margarets face when it was done. Now I feel all the joy has gone and I am just passing time.  :cry:

Offline Norma

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2016, 08:30:38 AM »
Hi you young oldies, yes im one of you as well. I understand exactly about life not having a meaning anymore, im coming up to my 2nd anniversary without my hubby, at times i just dont know how ive got here, but here i am. No its not been easy, but i can say life does have meaning again but it means something differant now, I think when weve retired and then lose our partners there is no meaning at first, theres nothing to get up for in the morning, nobody to do anything for  anymore, whats the point cooking just for myself, whats the point doing anything theres only me that can see the mess, but when the rawness wears off and believe me it will i promise you, you start to think ive got to shake myself out of this, i was lucky i suppose i volunteered at my local community centre, joined lots of groups helped  out with others, i even set up my own friendship group 'mind  body and soul' we meet weekly, go out to various places of interest, had sessions of dfferant things, we did a six week course on using  smart phones and tablets,  at the moment we are doing a six week local history  course, when thats finished were doing a stress busting and relaxation therapy sessions,  then healthy eatibg and cooking for one. I like to think my hubby would be proud of me.  I still miss my hubby terribly, touching his photo and saying goodnight and  goodmorning are still the first and last things i do everyday. I still write in my diary which has become a journal of my bereavement journey, i dont write everyday now like i used to do, but still tell him about things that have happened, and reading back i can see how much i have improved over the past 23 months. And finally i have got to say how much being a part of this amazing group has helped me get through, so thank you Dave and all the friends ive made on here.
I  suppose all im trying to say is hang on in there life can  have a meaning again, albeit differant but you owe it to your beloved partners to get as much as you can out of life, because whatever you do you are doing it for both of you.
Phew i think thats the longest post ive ever done on here im ready for a  :coffeetoast: i think
Xxx

 :hug::hearts:
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Julie Magson

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2016, 12:55:13 PM »
A lovely post Norma- gives me a bit of hope as I am at the 'what's the point in doing anything' phase. I do envy your ability to join things and arrange things- I know that's what I need to do but it will be very difficult for me as I've never been that kind of person, I find it very hard to do.

Offline angela33

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2016, 08:45:01 AM »
It really does help to hear from all of you others who are struggling with similar feelings as you tiptoe forward into this unwelcome new life. When things feel so hard and painful it just helps to know I'm not the only one who has felt this way and especially to know that somehow it does get easier. Thank you for taking the time to reply and share your feelings and experiences. xx

Offline Rayvon

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Re: Lack of meaning
« Reply #14 on: August 09, 2016, 11:51:22 PM »
A lovely,post Norma , it's given me hope . I'm trying to get,a new routine going. At the moment I have my daughter living with me and grandson , but it's not happy circumstances . She's having marriage problems. So it's not going to be for ever . She's jst getting some space. I'm going to try and join some groups . Im also involved at church and I have lts of friends . Life feels very strange at the moment . I can identify with what others have said . But I'm taking it a day at a time thanks for sharing some hope norma . Really feel of revert one who has shared their struggle  :hug: