Author Topic: Getting worse last 4 months  (Read 241 times)

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Offline Colmort1

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Getting worse last 4 months
« on: December 02, 2020, 09:15:21 AM »
Hi, rather than hijacking another post plus as I haven't been around a few years i feel like a newbie but maybe I'm not. Can you please place where is appropriate.   I joined 2 and a half years ago when my husband died at 51 of cancer. My dad then died 7 weeks later. I was so busy then and never had any support to help with things so didn't get that time when people were around then gone. Then my lovely sister diagnosed 6 months after that with cancer. I'd held it together despite terrible sadness and grief. But needed to be the backbone for my family. I got a job after 5 years as a full time carer, started study. But now, i just lost my job , which wasn't a supportive environment at all anyway. I have been separated from friends and family due to covid. I live alone. But boy do I miss my husband (and dad). It's like im back when he first died. He was my best friend as well as husband. Been like this for months. I realize i probably never fully grieved as so many people were relying on me to hold things together, mum & sister. I want to crawl into a hole and stay there.

It's hard to see a brighter time at the moment when I can never imagine loving like that again. I feel I'll be this way now ongoing and I'm only 53. Hopefully it's just a bad time with covid and all. That's why i rejoined as i realized I am in grieving fully over again.  I just needed to write it down, get it out as I have no-one I feel I can talk to honestly. I feel selfish moaning on about myself when people are much worse off than me but I feel so very sad and angry.

Thanks & much love,

Colmort
« Last Edit: December 02, 2020, 10:38:24 AM by Colmort1 »

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Getting worse last 4 months
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2020, 09:45:25 AM »
Hello Colmort,

So sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. I think many of us are at present. It does emphasize your awareness of feeling alone when you are stuck at home in lockdown and losing your job cannot have helped. I would encourage you to try speaking to your GP to access grief counselling as one option. You can still do that despite Covid restrictions. It sounds to me as if talking might help. You can always talk to us here and know we will understand, but it isn't the same as speaking to someone directly, so it might be worth giving that a try.

Wishing you well and sending an understanding virtual hug.  :hug:

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Getting worse last 4 months
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2020, 07:47:20 AM »
Covid and isolation certainly makes things harder, things we naturally relied on before are suddenly harder - all the small things make a difference, little interactions in shop we didnt notice before do have an impact and have now all been affected.  We do also go through a form of grief when we lose a job or big life change - thats totally normal, a change we have to adjust to

I dont think we ever 'get over' grief, it will still ebb and flow, especially at hard times.  Talking will definitely help, especially with people who understand. I find trying to not fight how I feel, and treating myself as I would a friend helps me cope with the lows  :hearts:
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Colmort1

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Re: Getting worse last 4 months
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2020, 08:31:26 AM »
Hello, thanks for replying..Your replies have been a great help. Lots of good suggestions and reflection. It has been a horrendous time. I always seem to be the person everyone can rely on, which is nice to be that but relentless at times.

Your reflection and kindness in replying have been a big help. At least it feels real once it's said.

Many thanks and gratitude
Colmort1

Offline Nice2bNice

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Re: Getting worse last 4 months
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2020, 01:27:26 PM »
Hi, I'm no advisor however I'm glad you popped back in. If this forum helped the first time then hopefully it can help again. The chain of events lately would certainly remind you of events gone by and perhaps that's why these feelings are so strong, you're being reminded of all the feelings all over again.
Hopefully happiness can be found somewhere within this current feeling of loneliness, you can be alone but never be lonely the same as you can feel lonely within a big group of friends.
Talking to people is probably one of the most difficult things to do, reaching out also can be difficult and you've already managed both albeit via keyboard text and with that managing to express yourself.
Being of a similar age and losing my dad on St Andrews day a few yrs ago and my loving partner a few months ago I can honestly say I have found comfort and answers to how I manage and reflect on my own feelings from reading through threads on here.
We all manage our feelings and reactions to situations so differently and that is the biggest obstacle to overcome because nobody else knows how you actually feel or what reactions you give, we know what the emotions are, we know what loss is and we know there's no answers in a book.
Live Love Laugh, yeah right but I'd like to return to this place one day yet I do not know how far I must travel to reach it, take care. Gordon.

Offline Colmort1

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Re: Getting worse last 4 months
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2020, 11:39:31 PM »
Hi,

Thank you Gordon for your thoughtful reflection on loss as well as sharing your own experiences. To be honest the more time goes on the harder I am finding it without my husband. But I think I am no longer the same optimistic person I was before seeing so many get ill and die (there's been close friends too) As you say everyone is different and I agree no book or person can give us an answer. As you say live, love laugh is a great aim..but it's not easy to see how or if we will get back to that. It helps sharing with other people on this hard path.

I said to a friend before lockdown, my husband had to face dying young. I feel.its my job to try to make the best of the years he hasn't got ahead. It's not easy though to be left behind. Especially when your rock and support is no longer around.

Best wishes Gordon for your own journey..



Colmort1