Author Topic: Devastated  (Read 544 times)

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Offline Vilnius

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Devastated
« on: July 01, 2020, 01:49:30 PM »
Hi , I am a new member. My husband died yesterday on his 66 th birthday. We have been married over 40 years and I cannot imagine my life without him. I just keep roaming around the house bawling my eyes out.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Devastated
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2020, 01:21:36 AM »
Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your husband. There are lots of people here who will sadly have been through what you are going through now. Please know you are not alone. Everyone here has lost someone and I am sure will be able to help you feel less isolated at this terrible time. Sending you a welcome hug.  :hug:

Offline Karena

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Re: Devastated
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2020, 10:14:33 AM »
 :hug: Its such early days and they really do put you in a state of shock.I could not imagine life without my husband either - and for a long time afterwards i had absolutely no idea what the point of anything was any more.

The best, the only thing you can do now, is to get from one minute to the next, one hour to the next one day to the next and be kind too yourself - if roaming round the house bawling is how your emotions react then its ok to do that - any reaction is ok because thats what grief really  is - others dont cry at all until after the funeral and thats ok too - its not some neatly parcelled up timed set of generalizations.

I found this site a few months in and it became a lifeline for me - not only because others here understood better than anyone but because i could write what i couldn't say without fear of emotional outbursts stopping my words -  i could write letters too him and poetry and in doing so - having to make a feeling into a sentence it helped me to make sense of that feeling -  and also because the support is here for as long as we need - where-as we worry that people in the "real" world will grow weary of supporting us and so we paint on the smile and say we are ok when we are not whereas here we dont have too. The same applies now, we will be here as long as you need us to be.

Offline Kg47

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Re: Devastated
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2020, 05:02:43 PM »
Hi Iím new here. I lost my beloved husband just over 3 weeks ago, I havenít stopped crying & feel a physical pain in my heart. Iím so lonely & cant imagine my life without him.

Offline Vilnius

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Re: Devastated
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2020, 05:26:24 PM »
Kg itís the most awful pain isnít it. Just keep crying and letting it out. I,m on week 6 and I still cry everyday.
I too cannot imagine my life without him. Itís early days for us and still very raw but it canít get any worse.
I still talk to him and tell him how I feel, I sometimes shout at him for leaving me. Just get it all out xxx

Offline Kg47

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Re: Devastated
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2020, 07:51:33 PM »
Thank you Vilnius, itís devastating isnít it? Iíve never experienced pain like it & just cry all the time. I donít want anything other than my husband back....the one thing I canít have.
Itís just so unfair that the loveliest, kindest people get taken too soon. My husband was only 67 he was my rock, carer, best friend & the other half of me. We have grown up sons but they live a long way away so Iím on my own. Like you I shout at him for leaving me..it was a week before our 38th wedding anniversary.
Do you mind me asking if your husband was ill or was it sudden? It doesnít lessen the heartache or tears.

Offline Vilnius

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Re: Devastated
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2020, 08:05:39 PM »
Hi kg, my hubby did have copd but he died of pneumonia and it was a sudden death, it was such a shock, he wasnít well but I didnít think he would die from it. He died on his birthday aged 66 and it was our 41st wedding anniversary this Tuesday. He too was my life, we lived in each otherís pockets, we didnít need anyone else. Like you we were best friends and lived for each other. It makes it so hard when they go because you lose who you are as well donít you.
I am just muddling through each day, I have his ashes here now which gives me more comfort than I thought they would. I just tell him heís back home. Just take each day one by one xxx

Offline Kg47

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Re: Devastated
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2020, 08:29:03 PM »
Thank you for replying. Iím so sorry that it was sudden, that must make it doubly hard to accept. My husband had lung cancer diagnosed last September, had 40% of his lung removed in December & was making a good recovery. Then developed secondary brain mets in May, his one & only chemo/immunotherapy was too severe for his weakened state & hospitalised him with excruciating pain. I couldnít visit due to Covid restrictions so we were apart for the first time in 38 years, I fought the hospital to get him home where he desperately wanted to be. After the longest 13 days I won & we cared for him for just short of two weeks when he slipped away in my arms & our sons holding his hands. Iím filing a complaint against the oncology department when Iím stronger .
Like you we did everything together we didnít need to socialise, we had each other. One of the last things he said to me was ďit wasnít meant to end this way, we should have grown old together ď. I go over it in my mind hundreds of times a day it physically hurts .
I havenít got his ashes yet but Iím having some made into a ring so heís with me all the time.
Take care, thank you again for replying xxx

Offline SarahB

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Re: Devastated
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2020, 04:02:48 PM »


I'm really sorry for your losses ladies. They sound like wonderful men and wonderful marriages.

I have some of my Mum's ashes and I had them made into a lovely heart shaped necklace in green (her favourite colour). Actually they're mixed with some of her little dogs ashes who we lost this year too :( That wee doggie was my buddy.

I touch the necklace several times a day, especially when I need strength. There's lots of places that can make them, respectfully and with care.  :hearts: