6years ago to day grandad

[missfrier]

you grew  your angle  wings i rember it  it well  it had  been had  hard  week and  i had  planned  to travel from deveon    to  to london see  ou as  i knew  you didnt have    long   only my  land lady had  other  ideas as she wanted  us  out  by 1st  of april it was  snowing  to     i wanted  come  see  you  as  i knew  i wouldnt get to see  you  again . at  9 am  on the 7th april i rang mum    when mum asnswwerd she    said she  ring  me  back i knew then   that you had grown  ur  wings  i  miss  you so much   and nan   wish icould have  cuddle  with  you right now   it been  hard  lots  going  on   mentally    just  t hear  your  laugh   nan  telling  you slow down  in ur car  s  ur doing 30 mph  in  a  30 speed  limit   and  hanging  on for dear  life    nan was  funny    bless her   you telling nan    that it  ok  as  ur in speed limit   want  th  happy  times     back   wish you  were  still here  . i know  everoen    wishes ther e loved  one was s still  here   it  does get  easier  know that to but  it  just feels a alot harder  today i dont no  if  it becuase  of the  way i  been  feeling  this  week and   things  keep happening   or that    on saturday bradley best friend  stopped and  he  brad were  talking   his friend  said he was  uncle and had niece  to which bradley said mummy  has  lots  nieces and   one of them   died   she  was  baby then  he asked  me    said you had  niece called   niayah   didnt   u   then i had  explain to brad    hat i did and dr couldnt make her better      to which   bradley replied  that shewas  baby    i said she  was  thought  i wouldnt have to have chat  just now       as  i tried  t hide i know think  i should  of  told     him  mayb  i should     but  i dont know  he was only  7  it was only  18  months be fore we  my other grandad  died things running through my head    questions  but i will never now  im sorry. 

sorry  i didnt meant  to  ramble type all that 
     

[Hubby]

No need to say sorry missfrier. You type whatever you feel you need to. You loved and missed your grandad and recent events have brought his loss back to your mind.

 

[Karena]

Lisa one thing i do know is that Brad always comes first with you and everything you decide around him is because you are a fantastic mum.

[missfrier]

Ty   bradley is my world ,  thank you hubby  niayah was just baby  sje was my brave beauitful niece  with grandads anniversry today feels. Like.it  hardest anniversry i know it gets easier  today im hurting   i have no motivation  just want shut myself away

[Karena]

There are bound to be days like this Lisa,just before Xmas I had the radio on and they played a carol my mum learned at home for her infant classes nativity,I was astounded to find myself crying it is 11 years since she died.Once you start feeling down you start feeling down on yourself and questioning your decisions but I know you did what you felt was best for Brad and it seems he was quite calm in the car when he mentioned it.

Your grandad would be so proud of you and everything you have achieved.

[missfrier]

thank you  karena he was  really  calm and  he seemed  to accept it     and carried talking  to  his friend when we we  in london half  term  he  mentioned  somthing on train but  he never mentioned    anythi    he  may picked  up as my dad  has  the  lovley  photo   of blues sky  and  wings  with  niayah   i dont no if  i can  get  it  come  here i will tyr  and  post it

[missfrier]

it  not   one  i meant   

[Karena]

its a beautiful picture though Lisa
Hope you have a better day today.

[missfrier]

thank you    i slept better  ty  and feelogn  positive again  goign to some  course work   bradley at nannys  i will g pick him up atr  5

[Emz2014]

Children can often surprise us with how much they pick up, and how much they understand sometimes (in their own terms)  I am sure you are doing a fantastic job with Brad and are a wonderfully caring mother  xx

[missfrier]

thank you emz

[Hubby]

That is a beautiful picture misfriar. Niayah looks every bit a princess. 

[missfrier]

Thank u she was,just bravest  mist beauitful little.girl i know niss her soooooooooioo much shebwas just baby

[Karena]

I am sure your grandad will be looking after her.

[missfrier]

Thank you  xxxx