Six weeks

[Cairo]

I reply as well ...

Probably our sub-conscious so we're talking to ourselves but I think what I hear is definitely what he'd say. You know your loved one so well it's easy to imagine what they'd say to you if they could speak to you and it certainly doesn't do any harm.

What I think is that it's honouring the memory that you have inside and letting it guide you.

[Hubby]

I never believed in an afterlife but I do find myself talking to Margaret quite a lot when I am alone or walking the dog. I can even imagine her saying things like "why didn't you do the washing up while I was there?". It's probably just my imagination but it gives me small moments of comfort.

I am pleased to hear that your weekend was OK. It's always reassuring to hear when someone else on this terrible journey has a break from the pain.

 

[Cairo]

The past three days were definitely an improvement but I know it could be temporary. Everyone is different so don't be concerned if you don't feel any better for a while. I could plunge back into despair in a few months whereas you may feel more optimistic by then.

What I do believe very strongly is that, if you keep working your way through the grief, accepting the pain and all the other feelings, but remaining determined to build a future for yourself, you will eventually succeed. It's the timescale that can't be predicted. 

We each have different life experiences, different resources of strength, different amounts of support, and there are differences in the manner in which we were bereaved and the things that happen to us subsequently. Each journey is unique but if we keep travelling we'll each discover a new landscape ahead. You can give in to the pain when it hits but you must never give up.

[longedge]

You know your loved one so well it's easy to imagine what they'd say to you

It was a constant source of irritation to Chris that I didn't speak much. I always used to say that we didn't need to speak because we knew what the other was thinking. Sometimes I used to answer her questions before she had asked them. When pressed she always had to admit that, yes that was what she was going to say or ask. We were almost telepathic.

[Karena]

I dont think you have to be religious to believe in an afterlife i think we have become so used to demanding proof for everything and being laughed at for believing what is outside current institutional standards - whether it is science or religion.
We have forgotten to believe in our own experiences and instincts and have forgotten to accept that some things we just dont know,but not knowing makes all things possible and creates a freedom of belief we are unacustomed too,but should embrace.

[Hubby]

You are right about the timescale Cairo.

We are all on the same journey and aiming for the same place but some will have a longer journey than others. Whichever path we take there will be obstacles and resting places but we will get there in the end.

[Cairo]

Yes we will but there may be many hills to climb on the way.

I'm not feeling too good today. Met a couple of people who knew my husband and ended up crying because they were talking about him. This morning before work, when I was feeling stronger, I printed off the form to apply for his medical records but I don't feel up to completing it tonight.

I did sort out one of his polo-shirts and dressing gown to send off to make memory bears for our two little grand-daughters though. Think I may have one made for myself as well but I'll get theirs done first.

[Hubby]

So sorry to hear today has been tough for you 

I know how you feel about filling in forms. I did a few online last night and had to force myself through them. I just don't have any appetite for dealing with officialdom. 

The memory bears sounds a great idea. At the moment I have one of Margaret's dressing gowns in a cushion which I like to cuddle when I need a bit of comfort. I also sleep with it as it makes the bed less empty.

[Cairo]

I usually get up sometime between 5am and 6am and open the bedroom door. My Labrador, Bonnie, comes and joins me on the bed and I like that. Don't feel so alone when it's time to get up.

Couldn't face the form at all tonight but have promised myself I'll do it in the morning.

[Hubby]

Little billy, the Jack Russell, sleeps in my bed all night. Always has done since he was big enough to get onto it and Margaret and I too scared to chase him off. It's a bit of a mixed blessing. On the one hand he snuggles up behind my legs and keeps me warm but on the other he keeps getting in and out of bed depending on how warm he gets and, if he gets caught short, it's horrible being woken in the dark by a Jack russells tongue in your ear. 

My advice for the form is put it aside it till you can face it. Don't put a time on doing it because, in my case at least, it only leads to disappointment when it doesn't get done. 

[Karena]

  Form filling is a pet hate of mine -why has something which used to be so mundane become such a chore, i can only conclude because there is no-one to look over your shoulder or help you understand whats required with some of the more obscure questions.

yes crazy isnt it dog keeping you awake all night. I sleep dpwnstairs because mine is too old for the stairs once he sets off down he cant stop and i,m scared what will happen at the bottom but darnt go first in case he sets off too soon and takes me with him, then neither of us will be any good.But the bed setee is 20 years old and really getting past it i,m at the stage of  being dependant on a pile of books to prop it up and the matress is hopeless -but its low to the ground so he can kind of slide off without the big impact on his legs when he lands and he finds it comfortable so i will have to put up with it until i can find and equally low one somewhere.