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Author Topic: Painful Reminders  (Read 11421 times)

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Offline Joann

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Painful Reminders
« on: March 25, 2016, 03:20:33 PM »
So I am sitting on my lunch break at work yesterday when an advert comes on the TV about the new Motown CD and I thought Mum would like that and then it hits me all over again that she is gone!! Am laid listening to one of her favourite CDs, Dr Hook's Greatest Hits, and I long to laugh with her about the funny songs on there. Music was a big part of Mums world and when the Ventilator was switched off at the Hospital we put her favourite Christian song on repeat and left it playing by her ear. I have not been able to listen to that song yet even though it is a favourite of mine too. I know if I play it I will totally breakdown and I am never in the right place to do that. I do cry with my Sisters but then make myself pull it together to be strong and supportive of them. I can feel something building inside me that wants to drive somewhere on my own, play the song and totally give into my grief. Is this normal?  I feel like I am screaming inside with no outlet for it and without this forum where I can be totally honest, I would go mad!!
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Offline Karena

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2016, 06:41:10 PM »
Its five years since I lost my husband and there are still a couple of songs I can't listen too and yet many more that have been some comfort.when I got an mp3 I organised playlists one for happy songs one for sad songs,and sometimes I would play the sad ones knowing they would make me cry but needing to cry too.There's nothing wrong with crying and I have known people here before who have gone off somewhere to scream,nothing wrong with that either.I think its important that when you are on a roller coaster like this one of grief you are presented with so many emotions you allow yourself to go along with rather than suppress them.

Its many years since I lost my mum and I was taken by surprise just before Xmas by a Christmas carol.
The songs on my happy list are almost all Motown,so why not by the CD for yourself it might be a way to feel closer too her and if it makes you cry no harm will come of that.
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Offline Cairo

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2016, 06:43:41 PM »
I've sat in a car and screamed and yelled and I've played music that had me totally in tears. Think it's perfectly normal and made me feel better afterwards.
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Offline longedge

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #3 on: March 25, 2016, 11:51:00 PM »
Let's all scream together...

I was going through some old videos and in one of them Chris was filming me. She spoke whilst filming and it shook me to the core. I could always pick her voice out even though I don't hear well. Just for a second she was really there with me. Some music tracks take me back to certain moments in our life together but hearing her speak to me again has left me well - I don't know what?
« Last Edit: March 26, 2016, 12:30:23 AM by longedge »
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I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

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Offline Joann

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2016, 07:07:15 AM »
Thank you everyone.
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Offline Dave Administrator

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #5 on: March 26, 2016, 09:38:50 AM »
Quote from: Redeemed on March 26, 2016, 07:07:15 AM
Thank you everyone.

Hi R.

Just a little suggestion you may want to try and that's to put a nice avatar on your posts? Maybe a nice one of you and your mum if thats not to painful or choose one from the selection they supply here or whatever. You do it from your Profile/Forum Profile... up to you just a thought.  :smiley:
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Offline Joann

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2016, 08:29:58 PM »
Thank you will try that.
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Offline Karena

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #7 on: March 27, 2016, 06:53:19 PM »
I know I have said it before but its a beautiful picture.something about your mums eyes she looks like someone quick to laugh, a tad mischievous and lots of love to give.
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Offline Joann

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #8 on: March 27, 2016, 07:02:41 PM »
 :hug:   Thank you Karena, that is my last ever picture taken with my Mum. She loved a laugh and liked to be a bit naughty. But most of all, she had love by the bucket full!! She had 9 children who she loved and she absolutely adored her Grandchildren. You summed her up great!!
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Offline Dave Administrator

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #9 on: March 28, 2016, 11:59:00 AM »
Quote from: Redeemed on March 26, 2016, 08:29:58 PM
Thank you will try that.

Well done R, it adds such meaning to a post and your avatar speaks volumes. xx
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Offline Joann

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #10 on: March 28, 2016, 12:11:02 PM »
 :hearts:
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Offline Karena

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #11 on: March 28, 2016, 05:42:53 PM »
 :hug: she sounds like an amazing lady.
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Offline Joann

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #12 on: March 28, 2016, 07:53:08 PM »
She was. She was certainly unique and I miss her dreadfully.
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Offline Karena

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #13 on: March 29, 2016, 11:21:14 PM »
 :hug:
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Offline Soleil

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Re: Painful Reminders
« Reply #14 on: March 30, 2016, 09:34:05 PM »
OMG Cairo,

That's exactly what I have done - screamed in the car. Kept all the windows closed and look around and when nobody is there I just get it out. I also stomp all over the apartment, shaking my fists of screaming into a pillow. I hate doing it but it just gets me and I have to. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.  I have heard that anger is a necessary stage in healing and we should never deny ourselves any chance to allow it. I'm starting to feel normal that others are doing it too. Sometimes, we feel so isolated when these things happen.  :hearts:
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