Trying again

[Carol]

Hello everyone.  Well I joined on here about a year ago when my oldest son suddenly passed away.  But I couldn`t bring myself to continue as it felt too awful to even discuss it.  I sought escape in drink - that didn't help much of course.  I didn`t show my real feelings in front of people but pretended to be "strong" and "coping". This was for my daughter-in-law and grandchildren.  In private I would disintegrate.  Several months on all I can say to others is you can have some sort of a life - it and you won`t be intact but you find you can look at other people without dislike and resentment for being alive. I know others on here have been through similar and worse.  I hope our memories carry us through.  Sorry if this all sounds rubbish but it`s what I truly feel.  Wishing you all well.

[Cairo]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand what you mean about being strong for other people but that isn't always the best thing for ourselves.

You sound as if you are doing well. You'll never heal completely from your loss but maybe you can move forward.

[Emz2014]

  it makes sense Carol xx

[Rosaleen]

Hello Carol,I've just come across something called the fried egg theory of grief. I think I'd seen this title before* but was put off by the strange sounding name. However this time I looked it up on the web and one site explained it very briefly, I'm a poster - which you don't need to buy, it's shown on the screen- For me, it was like a weight being llifted slightly.
You could have a look and see what you think. I know it's helped me

*Ps sorry if it was on this forum and I haven't acknowledged the person who recommended it

[Rosaleen]

Just to add, it's now 5 months since I lost my beloved partner. I know if I'd read this theory earlier in this grief journey there is no way I personally could have taken it on board

[longedge]

My sympathy to you Carol. I'm sure it's much the same for most of us. I don't believe that it's either better or worse for any of us, just different in the same way that one's love for a child and for a partner are different. Some very close friends of ours lost their son a few weeks before my wife died. His Mum seems to be holding things together (I know it's a front) but no matter how hard we try his Dad and I can't talk to one another, we both just end up blubbing uncontrollably

I've been to a series of support group meetings and one of the topics was the way that we eventually manage to resume a different normal life. Our grief never goes away or diminishes, we just grow bigger so that it takes up a smaller part of us.

[Joann]

Hi Carol, so sorry for your loss. Your comment about resenting others for being alive made me smile because I am like that when I see older people than my Mum and I thought it was just me, so thank you for that.