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General Discussion / Hi I've not been here in a while but at certain times I need to return !
« Last post by Mandyo550 on October 08, 2021, 08:06:55 PM »
Hi I've not been here for a while but from time to time I just need  to log on and chat to people in similar situations ! Not for just me but to chat and maybe help  with experiences that people are going through x
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Life Without My Brother
« Last post by esther e on October 04, 2021, 06:20:35 AM »
Life without my brother is no life at all. There's three things that I can say that keep me here, otherwise there'd be no purpose in my life. Life changed FOREVER when I lost my brother. I'd never think in a million years my brother would be gone, I assumed we'd be together forever. I've failed my brother, you wouldn't understand what I mean by that unless you've felt it too. Maybe one day I can forgive myself, I don't know. Has my brother forgiven me, I don't know. He's gone now and I hope there is this beautiful Heaven like people say so I can see him again. Tell him how much I  love and miss him,hug him, kiss him and never let him go. And ask for forgiveness;
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Hoping to find some reassurace
« Last post by esther e on September 19, 2021, 06:59:16 PM »
Em1986,
Sorry for your loss of your grammie/mom. Try to think of the happy memories you've shared together and they will stay with you forever. I understand when you question your purpose, I too question/have questioned the same thing. I have 3 responsibilities in my life,they are my purpose. Without them I question my life. I'm here on this forum because I lost my brother, my only sibling. And life as I knew it, changed forever.  It's beneficial that your going to therapy and also that you stopped drinking which can lead to health problems later in life. I should go for therapy because I have alot of things on my mind and complicated grief. It's good to have someone to share that with that you can trust. And someone that will listen to you.
Take care friend  :hug:
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: Hoping to find some reassurace
« Last post by Ian Haines on September 15, 2021, 10:18:51 PM »

Stop looking for the purpose in all life! 
Start looking for your purpose while alive!
You'll find it!

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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: My Brother 💔
« Last post by Karena on September 09, 2021, 10:06:12 AM »
 :hug: I,m sure you will - its just getting over the hurdle of going back that's the really difficult thing - the first time i went i came back  disappointed - i think i was trying too hard - expecting some kind of miracle where he actually was there in person in front of me - after that i was more relaxed about it all focusing on the dolphins or just sitting on the harbour wall literally like the song dock of the bay watching the waves seagulls boats etc  between them showing up.
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: My Brother 💔
« Last post by esther e on September 09, 2021, 06:41:26 AM »
 :hug: Karena,
Thank you for your response and sorry for your loss of your husband. Your message has so much meaning. I'm glad you felt your husband's presence during your outing, dolphins are such beautiful animals. I hope also to feel my brother's presence in the things/places we have gone together.
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / My Dad
« Last post by Sparrow on September 08, 2021, 10:48:46 PM »
Hope I'm posting this in the right place, I've never used a forum before! My Dad died suddenly in August of a heart attack and I'm really struggling to talk about it with anyone I know, which is how I've found myself here.
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Introduction
« Last post by Em1986 on September 08, 2021, 03:46:32 PM »
Hi Everyone,

I have just joined today as after 6 months since losing my Gran, who was always really my Mum I am finally able to reach out.
I guess I just want to connect with others and not feel like I am alone and also that I wont always feel this way,
Thank you  :candle:
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Hoping to find some reassurace
« Last post by Em1986 on September 08, 2021, 03:44:50 PM »
Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all keeping as well as you can be.

I am reaching out as since the loss of my Grandma who has always been my Mum to me, my whole world has caved in. Internally anyway. For the most part I seem like I am coping 'so well'.

But it triggered a huge amount of change for me or a journey at least of many things, from the grief that consumes you and you just cant let it go through to making changes in my own life such as quitting alcohol and going alcohol free and realising and digging deep on past hurts. It has hit me like an avalanche but I wasn't expecting it to pour over and influence my whole life and very being.

One thing I have struggled with so very much is feeling as though life is so very pointless. As though, we all live day to day doing what we do, but it amounts to nothing in the end. That scares me and its a horrible place to be.

I guess I just want to hear that this is part of grief - that this isn't how I feel forever now that she is gone and now that I don't drink and can see life through sober eyes  :cry:

I have never lost anyone before her and she was my world so I know it might be normal to feel this way but I cant help worry its just me now. And I don't want to feel like life is meaningless.

I am attending therapy as well to work on things but I wanted to reach out on here too - to see if anyone can relate to this whole questioning meaning and purpose and really digging down on what its all even about.

Thank you
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: My Brother 💔
« Last post by Karena on September 07, 2021, 05:12:43 PM »
 :hug: My husband died and that brought me here but i also lost my parents previous to that.
I wonder whether you are looking for joy in the wrong place - i found little bits of it for fleeting moments usually in the natural world and in my memories of the time we did have together because we both loved nature and growing things - i could have avoided it, not taken notice of it, feared it even because the memories might be too painful - but then having lost - what felt like everything good in my life i would have thrown away even more rather than held on to what was left  - and feeling there was no point to my life it seemed the best thing i could do would be to live it for him and do the things he loved - we loved - on my own. Even 7 years in i couldn't seem to feel any happiness for more than those moments - but the thing to do is collect them and keep them imagine one of those moments is a piece of jigsaw then as you collect them and put them together then the picture becomes a happier one.

You obviously were close to your brother so you must have a lot of happy memories of time spent with him going back to childhood - what were his passions in life - what did you share. A lot of people would have us draw a line under our grief tell us to move on and they mean move on without the person we have lost and leave them behind so we think we have to break that bond to do so - we dont.

In the physical logical sense we have no choice when they have died, but bonds are very flexible they change direction as our lives change and remain even when we are not in the same place so  we dont have to break them - in other words we dont have to say goodbye and leave them behind, moving forward with our lives is possible when we take them forward with us in different ways and not only keep the bond but strengthen it.

A key moment for me was returning to dolphin watching seeing a dolphin and also feeling so strongly he was standing behind me it was our favorite place our favorite thing to do together and he was still closer to me there than anywhere else - if i hadn't overcome that fear of painful memories hurdle and gone back there i would never have experienced that.So dont think you always have to change, find new things and new people to find any joy - first you have to find yourself and re discover that bond then start to bring those memorys into the present and future. It isnt easy and sometimes there are so many hurdles we want to give in  but let him pick you up now just as he did in life. :hug:
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