Author Topic: Intro - 5 months since I lost my husband  (Read 1353 times)

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Offline Kizzibe

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Intro - 5 months since I lost my husband
« on: July 09, 2020, 11:32:07 AM »
Hi All. My name is Helen... I'm 54 in England and I list my beloved husband and soul mate to cancer 5 months ago.
It was an unexpected  whirlwind roller-coaster and from June 19 to Jan 20 we rode it. He lost his battle on 8th Feb.
I'm finding the barrage of emotions feelings etc quite overwhelming... Despite being fairly strong and able to cope. Sometimes I think some of the stuff I'm thinking is madness. Guess we are all in the same boat though.
Would love to hear from some others.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Intro - 5 months since I lost my husband
« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2020, 07:24:29 PM »
Helen, so sorry to hear about your husband. I think we all feel a bit like we're going mad for a while after a loss. The first six months were terrible as I recall and the next 12 not much better, but gradually things have improved a little as time has passed I find. It is a bit over two years since my most recent loss. I think you just have to find whatever you can that helps. For me it was having flowers around and walking in the park. Nature is very calming and reassuring. There will be people here who have lost partners, so you will not be alone. Sending strength.  :hug:

Offline Karena

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Re: Intro - 5 months since I lost my husband
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2020, 03:14:25 PM »
 :hug: sadly this whole journey is a roller coaster that no one ever wants to get on and often longer than people imagine it will be. I have been widowed twice the first time also to cancer and also shockingly quick - not that it isn't shocking however long it is - and it doesnt matter that you know what the outcome will be towards the end it is still a hock because we cling to this mad hope for a last minute cure or that is was a wrong diagnosis - i think we have to in order to  keep strong for them but also to keep ourselves functioning.
Afterwards when that has gone then the shock comes in and all the other things this journey throws at you follow. There was no-where like this back then either. The kids kept me busy and i ended up doing a degree course because it took my mind away from it for short periods during the day. I would drop the girls at school drive to college crying my eyes out then appear in control their - it was distraction and probably not a healthy way to grieve with hindsight but i didnt know what else to do.
The second time it was a stroke and with the girls gone with kids and lives of their own  i really couldn't see the point of my life at all,i  had to move house and start over somewhere else and absolutely i questioned my sanity so many times.
There was one moment after i moved here and took on the garden when i was digging and suddenly became aware of the sun on my back and a robin singing so loudly i couldnt ignore it.It didnt last long but  I clung to that moment to get through the much darker times because it reminded me there could be moments like that when the world was beautiful again. - i think nature is the greatest healer.

There was also this forum and finally i could say how i was feeling and i had somewhere to write. I wrote him letters here and a diary and in writing and trying to make coherent sentences for others to read it helped make sense of the emotions and it felt less as though i was going mad.

That was nine years ago i will always miss him a part of me will always be grieving for them both but very slowly one small step at a time you can find ways to build a safety fence around the massive holes our loved ones leave behind but also take them forward with you in your heart and soul so even without their physical presence you never really have to say goodbye and for me realizing that was a big step.THose steps sometimes feel to be backward ones but when that happens you will take others forward and every time you do it makes you a bit stronger until the backward ones become less far and less devastating. In these early days be kind too yourself and dont give yourself a hard time over your emotions or feeling as though you are going  mad.  :hug: