Author Topic: New year. New thread.  (Read 24224 times)

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Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #30 on: January 21, 2017, 12:02:10 AM »
I wouldn't mind so much but I don't even like Elton John. It was just something in the words that struck a nerve.

I've had a stinker of a day today. I took the day off work and had a little lie in then went to the market with Billy. Came home and did sausage butties for dinner. All OK so far.

Then it was off to my friends mothers funeral. Not having a car I had to choose between attending the church service or the crematorium. I opted for the latter and went with my daughter. I got a bit more upset in the service than I expected but I held it together. Afterwards my daughter and I walked to Margarets grave then walked home. On the way home my daughter was dawdling and huffing and puffing and eventually I had enough and had an almighty row with her.

We got home and had a cup of tea and I then got a taxi to the after funeral do. I didn't expect what happened next. I went in and bought a drink and spoke to a couple of people. I had drunk a few sips and decided to go outside for a nicotine break. Once I stepped outside I broke down completely. Everything was just so wrong. I had only ever been to things like that with Margaret by my side. I hadn't realised it was another 'first' until then.

So, after less than five minutes in there, I couldn't face going back in. I varied on walking, tears streaming down my face. I walked all the way home which took over an hour and I was still crying

When I got home I made tea and then fell asleep on the sofa.

Still feeling pretty down.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #31 on: January 21, 2017, 09:03:10 AM »
You've reached another tough part on the rollercoaster.  You have come so far, achieving so many things and the rollercoaster has reminded you you're still carrying a fragile part within you.  Take this time to be gentle with yourself, increase the TLC and try to incorporate some of the easier/simpler things - such as seeing your grandson.

Sometimes on this journey just 'existing' day to day is ok for a while, you've made it to that 'step', for a little while maintain at that level (kind of a rest) then when you're ready you take the next little step forward. In a way, to me, it feels like conserving/building our energy for the next step forward.  (Maybe its that flat,easy bit on the rollercoaster where we catch our breath before we start the journey upwards again) xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #32 on: January 21, 2017, 08:51:54 PM »
 :hug: sorry you had such an awful day,I remember my first funeral hitting hard,not in the service itself I had expected that it would be difficult, but afterwards.then a bit of guilt too because it was someone's funeral but there I was crying for someone else.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #33 on: January 21, 2017, 11:31:28 PM »
It was pretty unexpected and there was a bit of guilt about walking away but staying wasn't really on the cards.

I was upset at bedtime last night, which is when I am normally at my lowest, and I woke up sobbing at 6:20 this morning. Took me a hour to get back to sleep.

I got up at 11 and had breakfast then went to the bank to close some accounts and move some money around as there is no point in having ISAs and other accounts while interest rates are so low. I suppose I was thinking it will be easier for my daughters to sort things out when I pop off  if everything isn't spread all over he place.

I did a tiny bit of housework and gardening this afternoon but my head has been banging and I've felt very tired. Setbacks seem to do that to me for a few days.

Fairly melancholy now.

Offline Angleseywidow

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #34 on: January 21, 2017, 11:42:55 PM »
Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time 'Hubby'. Some days really are c**p aren't they? I had a bad one yesterday but have my 4 year Great Granddaughter with me tonight - she tires me out. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #35 on: January 22, 2017, 06:41:52 PM »
 :hug: I,m looking at the workplace pension thing,no choice but to join but you can opt out which I was going to do,its hardly going to be worth a fortune at my age,but you can top up,and you can nominate someone to get it as a tax fee sum or it goes into your estate if you don't live to claim it or all of it.Havnt got the pack yet so no idea if its likely to be worth it. Hate having to do paperwork,I get so stressed about it.
Hope today was better for you.
Anglesaywidow too,Little ones certainly help time pass.I had one overnight last night, but his older brother turned up this morning just after he had gone , as his rugby was cancelled ,and he couldnt get home.He is no trouble though,just plays with his phone,but not so grownup he doesn't appreciate a special hot chocolate or a cheese toasty.Its nice just to have company.He did laugh at me though when he walked in as I wasn't expecting him he caught me giving it big licks singing along with Sowetto gospel choir.(well it is Sunday ).

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #36 on: January 22, 2017, 09:46:29 PM »
Some days are just bad days but I wish I knew what I was going to get in advance so I could plan around it. As for pensions and the likes I really don't have a clue. I'm not really savvy about financial matters.

Today's been a mixed day. Had a big cry at 7am, went back to sleep, got up at 9, my daughter went out with her friends so I was alone in the house. Believe it or not I had another cry. I did a bit if shopping then went to the cemetery with my youngest daughter.

Later in the afternoon she brought Ollie in and he day brightened up no end. Kids do have a way of lifting the spirits. I did peri peri chicken for tea as a change from curry. When Ollie left I was worn out as I always am after a visit from him so had a chill out.

Early night for me now as I have a very early start tomorrow.

Hope you all had a decent day


Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #37 on: January 24, 2017, 09:26:29 PM »
Never got online last night.

Yesterday and today were mainly fine but I got really sad driving to and back from work. Driving is so automatic it's easy for the grief to get a foothold and before I know it it's taking over again. I've also changed radio stations in my van from radio 4 to a local channel and I think some of the music sets me off.

I'm doing pretty long days in work and I am very tired. I was in bed yesterday at eight and went out like a light.

Tonight I was tired and came up to bed early but I had a bit of a sob when I came up. For some reason some of Margarets last words before she was taken to hospital were going round and round in my head. I thought I had put that sort of thing behind me but it looks like the thoughts are still in there. So a few upsets but mainly ok


Offline Emz2014

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #38 on: January 25, 2017, 07:41:41 AM »
When you're driving hubby, can you be more aware of the process so it's less automatic. So focusing attention on what the driving feels like, feel of the steering wheel, feel of the road surface,  sounds you can hear alongside the radio, noting people's number plates or shapes of cars? (choose something for each journey, something that focuses attention but also ensures you're concerning on driving :-))    that might help to stop some of the grief ambushes whilst driving  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline colin

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #39 on: January 25, 2017, 03:47:35 PM »
Hi Everyone,
        Not been on the Forum for some time,things for me have  not got a great deal better,its just over 9 months since I lost my Darling Pat,I keep a Diary of my daily activities and how I love and miss my sweetheart.As for going out the only place I visit is the local Supermarket about 3miles away,just cannot seem to get the strength and will to go to far from home.We often went into the Peak District doing rambles of 8/9 miles distance,enjoying our time together and the walks we did some in the Lake District and Snowdownia,including Mt Snowdon in 2011.How do you revisit these places on your own it is so heartbreaking I just cannot see me walking the hills again,so miss my baby.
                                                                                          Best Wishes to all,
                                                                                                Colin. :hearts: :hearts:

Offline Norma

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #40 on: January 25, 2017, 08:07:58 PM »
Hi Colin, small steps is all you can do, is there a walking group near you that you could join, and go walking with them, you wouldnt be alone and it might give you something to focus on that you enjoyed. Xx

 :hug:
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #41 on: January 26, 2017, 10:41:21 PM »
I do really need to concentrate more in my driving instead of going everywhere on autopilot. The journeys are just so monotonous. I've done them so many times I know every pothole and dip in the roads.

I'm sorry to hear things have not changed much for you Colin but 9 months really is no time at all to adapt to the loss if someone you have spent the majority of your life with. I think it would help if you could get out more though if only to give you a few hours of distraction.

I didn't get online again last night but yesterday and today were pretty much the same as monday. I am really tired though, all the time. I don't think it can be put down to grief or the long hours I am putting in so I think I might be coming down with a bug or something. Either that or I'm not sleeping properly. I have been waking a few times in the night. I can't wait till the weekend for a welcome lie in.

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #42 on: January 27, 2017, 07:44:10 PM »
Grief is a tiring thing so have the lie in and treat yourself kindly.re the driving I know what you mean I used to do that then realise I had no idea where the car in front of me had gone .is there any way you can change the route sometimes,I sometimes do this .I might see a sign to a village think one day I will see what its like then one day just do it.sometimes I have had to come back the same way because the road was a dead end others I,he come vpback to the usual road but clocked up in my brain a potential way round a traffic jam but I at least had to concentrate.I don't have satnag so it can be handy to have some idea about where side roads go.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #43 on: January 29, 2017, 10:15:07 PM »
Thanks Karena. I might try a new route. The motorway is just so monotonous.

I've not been online much over the past few days. I have been really tired and I've had the worst headache I have ever had in my life. Then again I don't have headaches very often.

I've spent a lot of the weekend in bed trying to sleep. Only getting up to cook tea and to spend time with Ollie today. I keep having little cries but they don't last too long. Sometimes there is a trigger for them like if I see a picture or something but other times it just happens. On Friday I had one in the middle of a shop as I walked past the Valentine's Day display. Another first.

All in all another few days wasted.

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #44 on: January 30, 2017, 06:44:07 PM »
They're not wasted,if you need to rest you need to rest.trying to fight on is sometimes the worst thing for our bodies and results in wasting far many more days when we can no longer go on. I used to do that every year,carry on as normal never take time off and without fail I would be Ill in the holidays for the whole holiday.Now that was a waste of time.
I hope your headache has improved,if not or if it starts happening a lot please go see your GP could be migraine which needs different tablets to the everyday pain killers.