Author Topic: Is this right?  (Read 1292 times)

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Offline Janlmb

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Is this right?
« on: December 30, 2019, 07:54:44 PM »
 It is now just over four months since my husband of thirty six years died.  The Children came home for Christmas and Boxing Day.  Of course we had some sad bits but all in all we managed the first Christmas without him.  Yesterday I unexpectedly met a "friend" who asked me how things were going.  I told her the truth that I miss him very much and think about him all the time.  She responded by saying "If that really is how you are feeling you need therapy.  You need to see a counsellor".  I thought that I was surviving and coming to terms with things but her remark really took me by surprise.  Do I really need therapy?  It seemed painful, but to me normal, to miss him and to think about him a lot, after all we were together for 36 years.  Who is right?

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Is this right?
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2019, 08:50:28 PM »
Four months is not much time atall. As time passes we learn how to cope, the awful pain eases, in my experience even the 2nd year brought its own challenges. It seems your friend has not lost a close loved one.  Therapy can help when struggling but does not remove grief.  I think sometimes others wish it would as they feel uncomfortable when someone is grieving but it takes time and we have to go through the bereavement journey

We won't stop thinking of our lost loved ones and I feel its healthy to remember them and talk about them. I've thought of my loved ones lots over christmas and I'm many years down the line. It sounds like you have coped with Christmas and are doing fine. If at any point you feel stuck therapy could help, otherwise little steps forward are fine.  :hug:
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Janlmb

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Re: Is this right?
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2019, 01:12:14 PM »
 Thank you Emz2014 for your reply.  I was rather upset that this person seemed to think that I should have as she put it "got over it".  My husband was very ill and I nursed him day and night for 5 years.  She said you should be happy "you have got your life back and can now enjoy yourself". True in one sense but I never resented the care that I gave him and would do it all again.  I miss him every day and although I did not like to see him struggling and in pain I would gladly have him back, absolutely if he was enjoying life and not so ill.  I think it is going to take more time for me to really move on and although I am sure counselling is good, I don't feel inclined to undergo it yet.  Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

Offline GHOST

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Re: Is this right?
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2019, 09:15:19 PM »
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« Last Edit: November 15, 2022, 03:56:07 PM by GHOST »

Offline Janlmb

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Re: Is this right?
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2020, 10:58:48 AM »
Thank you so much for your reply.  It has made me feel better.  I am doing my best and really trying to get on with life and like you I am trying to do what he would have approved of.  He was an accountant and was always horrified that that I did not have a budget written down on a piece of paper.  I have done one now.  Wherever he is he will be smiling.  I have done all the probate stuff and distributed the inheritances to the beneficiaries.  (Solicitor was very superior about it and said "When you get in a mess, which you will, I will help you".)  It was not that complicated.  He would approve of that too.  I have planted a tree for him.  I am very grateful to you for your reply.  Isn't it good that we have this forum?