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Stop looking for the purpose in all life! 
Start looking for your purpose while alive!
You'll find it!

Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: My Brother 💔
« Last post by Karena on September 09, 2021, 10:06:12 AM »
 :hug: I,m sure you will - its just getting over the hurdle of going back that's the really difficult thing - the first time i went i came back  disappointed - i think i was trying too hard - expecting some kind of miracle where he actually was there in person in front of me - after that i was more relaxed about it all focusing on the dolphins or just sitting on the harbour wall literally like the song dock of the bay watching the waves seagulls boats etc  between them showing up.
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: My Brother 💔
« Last post by estherelyse on September 09, 2021, 06:41:26 AM »
 :hug: Karena,
Thank you for your response and sorry for your loss of your husband. Your message has so much meaning. I'm glad you felt your husband's presence during your outing, dolphins are such beautiful animals. I hope also to feel my brother's presence in the things/places we have gone together.
Introduce Yourself To Us All / My Dad
« Last post by Sparrow on September 08, 2021, 10:48:46 PM »
Hope I'm posting this in the right place, I've never used a forum before! My Dad died suddenly in August of a heart attack and I'm really struggling to talk about it with anyone I know, which is how I've found myself here.
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Introduction
« Last post by Em1986 on September 08, 2021, 03:46:32 PM »
Hi Everyone,

I have just joined today as after 6 months since losing my Gran, who was always really my Mum I am finally able to reach out.
I guess I just want to connect with others and not feel like I am alone and also that I wont always feel this way,
Thank you  :candle:
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Hoping to find some reassurace
« Last post by Em1986 on September 08, 2021, 03:44:50 PM »
Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all keeping as well as you can be.

I am reaching out as since the loss of my Grandma who has always been my Mum to me, my whole world has caved in. Internally anyway. For the most part I seem like I am coping 'so well'.

But it triggered a huge amount of change for me or a journey at least of many things, from the grief that consumes you and you just cant let it go through to making changes in my own life such as quitting alcohol and going alcohol free and realising and digging deep on past hurts. It has hit me like an avalanche but I wasn't expecting it to pour over and influence my whole life and very being.

One thing I have struggled with so very much is feeling as though life is so very pointless. As though, we all live day to day doing what we do, but it amounts to nothing in the end. That scares me and its a horrible place to be.

I guess I just want to hear that this is part of grief - that this isn't how I feel forever now that she is gone and now that I don't drink and can see life through sober eyes  :cry:

I have never lost anyone before her and she was my world so I know it might be normal to feel this way but I cant help worry its just me now. And I don't want to feel like life is meaningless.

I am attending therapy as well to work on things but I wanted to reach out on here too - to see if anyone can relate to this whole questioning meaning and purpose and really digging down on what its all even about.

Thank you
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: My Brother 💔
« Last post by Karena on September 07, 2021, 05:12:43 PM »
 :hug: My husband died and that brought me here but i also lost my parents previous to that.
I wonder whether you are looking for joy in the wrong place - i found little bits of it for fleeting moments usually in the natural world and in my memories of the time we did have together because we both loved nature and growing things - i could have avoided it, not taken notice of it, feared it even because the memories might be too painful - but then having lost - what felt like everything good in my life i would have thrown away even more rather than held on to what was left  - and feeling there was no point to my life it seemed the best thing i could do would be to live it for him and do the things he loved - we loved - on my own. Even 7 years in i couldn't seem to feel any happiness for more than those moments - but the thing to do is collect them and keep them imagine one of those moments is a piece of jigsaw then as you collect them and put them together then the picture becomes a happier one.

You obviously were close to your brother so you must have a lot of happy memories of time spent with him going back to childhood - what were his passions in life - what did you share. A lot of people would have us draw a line under our grief tell us to move on and they mean move on without the person we have lost and leave them behind so we think we have to break that bond to do so - we dont.

In the physical logical sense we have no choice when they have died, but bonds are very flexible they change direction as our lives change and remain even when we are not in the same place so  we dont have to break them - in other words we dont have to say goodbye and leave them behind, moving forward with our lives is possible when we take them forward with us in different ways and not only keep the bond but strengthen it.

A key moment for me was returning to dolphin watching seeing a dolphin and also feeling so strongly he was standing behind me it was our favorite place our favorite thing to do together and he was still closer to me there than anywhere else - if i hadn't overcome that fear of painful memories hurdle and gone back there i would never have experienced that.So dont think you always have to change, find new things and new people to find any joy - first you have to find yourself and re discover that bond then start to bring those memorys into the present and future. It isnt easy and sometimes there are so many hurdles we want to give in  but let him pick you up now just as he did in life. :hug:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: My Brother 💔
« Last post by estherelyse on September 07, 2021, 05:06:06 AM »
Thank you for your response. I know my brother would want me to go on with my life and find some joy, but I know that's not to be. Sometimes I don't feel like going on with my life without my brother in it and as for joy, there will be no joy without my brother here. There are so many triggers everyday, little reminders  that make it worse. I do some things in my brother's memory and also have a memorial tattoo. I have a collage of his pictures on a board in my livingroom. 
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Breaking Heart
« Last post by Sandra61 on September 06, 2021, 11:16:38 AM »
Hello, so sorry for your recent loss and for the pain you are feeling as a result of this. Loss can cause schisms in families and that is like a separate loss that you also grieve for. It does help to know what happened to the person you have lost, but it is not always possible to find out and if you were not there, you can never really know. In the end, it makes no difference though. Much as it seems to matter now, if you did know, would that really help very much? The loss would still be there. Better to focus on the good memories you have of your lost loved one and the good times you spent together. Dying is such a brief moment in a lifetime and the lifetime of great things they did and times they had are ultimately what mattered the most. That's what matters the most for all of us. Acceptance of the loss will help you and that only comes gradually. Try to remember that the person you have lost would want the best for you and that the memory of them is yours forever. Look for little things to take pleasure from each day, be it taking a walk in the park, seeing the sunshine or a looking at flowers or anything that still gives you pleasure. Grief is a long road that can't be rushed and you have to make an effort to find your way forward along that road, so do whatever helps you to do that. It does slowly get easier. Grief never leaves you entirely and it changes you, so you are  never really the same person you were before it happened again, but you learn to live with it and it affects you less badly over time, so give yourself time and look for the things that help you and you will find a way forward. Wishing you well.  :hug: :hearts:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Devastated I lost two family members in 6 months
« Last post by Sandra61 on September 06, 2021, 11:04:36 AM »
Hello and welcome to this website. I am so sorry to hear of your recent losses. It is hard enough to lose your mum without losing your cousin so shortly before. I lost my mum in 2017 and it seems like yesterday still to me, but I have found a way forward and although I miss her and my dad every day, I am slowly building a new life for myself in my new normal. The first six months after losing my mum were horrendous and I despaired. I started making an effort to try to recover and move forward after that, but didn't really notice much difference until two years after I lost my mum. It is never over, because once you are a grieving person, some part of you will be a grieving person for the rest of your life, because grief and loss change you and change your world and you can never change either back. Eventually, you will accept that this is your new normal, but slowly you have to try to build a new life for yourself in this new normal for you and as you do, it does slowly get easier. The bad days become fewer and the good days get a little easier, but you have to make an effort to make that happen. There is no going back, but your memories are your treasure and will be your strength going forward and your mum and your cousin will be in your heart and you will carry them with you always, because that is what grief is; just another side of love. One day at a time, tiny steps forward and your way will become clearer. It was a help to me to imagine and remember that my mum would have wanted the best for me and would have wanted me to go on with my life and make it the best I could, so that is what I try to do for her and I take her forward with me in my heart. I hope this helps and wish you well.  :hug: :hearts:
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