Bereavement Support Posts => Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room => Topic started by: Kes1968 on August 28, 2018, 10:11:45 AM

Title: Struggling
Post by: Kes1968 on August 28, 2018, 10:11:45 AM
Six months since I lost mum and three weeks ago yesterday since I lost Harry my dog, I reached my lowest point yesterday and today I phoned cruse bereavement care, the lady on the phone is going to pass my details on to the group leader for the Newquay area ( she feels that group might be best for me) Iím feeling so lonely and I know I have support at work but I have nobody else outside, my brothers are no help at all and tbh I donít want their help, they clearly donít give a rats *ss about me. Iíve used alcohol the past couple of days just to numb the emotional  pain, but a bottle of wine of an evening isnít the best way to go about this. I cant swim at the moment because my feet have got worse ( Iím seeing the doctor next week as nothing is helping and theyíre so sore Iím having to wear cushioned dressings so I can walk without pain)
Iím sorry this is such a dismal post a,d all me me me. I just donít know how to go forward, I need help  I took myself off out for the day yesterday but seeing other people with their families etc just reinforced the feeling of loneliness, I miss my mum and Harry so much, nothing else seems to matter
Title: Re: Struggling
Post by: Karena on August 28, 2018, 12:33:38 PM
 :hug: :hug: :hug: yesterday i saw a couple about my age, holding hands and just for a second re- experienced that pang that it will never be like that for me again, and i am a lot further down this journey than you. Later i saw a dog looking for a foster home on fb and again took a deep breath - he was so much like Ben and even called Benji.
It never quite leaves us, but it becomes more bearable and less all consuming, they were moments in a day not a whole day.The more you see the world i think the more you recognise that it still holds a lot for you and its not your time to leave yet  - so even though you cant walk or swim right now looking outwards, watching the clouds seeing things grow, or listening to birds singing are the ways the world can reach out and restore some peace with with you.

I agree a bottle of wine is only a very temporary fix, and not the way forward in the end, so you have made a positive step reaching out for help.
Title: Re: Struggling
Post by: Kes1968 on August 28, 2018, 05:29:40 PM
Itís my days off that are the hardest and the evenings, I have to find something constructive to do with my time. Having Oscar my borrowmydoggy pal, does help a little, he gets me out of the house and stops me becoming too consumed by grief.
Title: Re: Struggling
Post by: Karena on August 29, 2018, 01:29:30 PM
I used to stand and read every notice in the post office window just to avoid getting home on friday night with an empty weekend ahead. :hug:

I taught myself to crochet which at least occupied me for a while - but somehow those empty nights and weekends have filled up over time -althought thinking about it thats partly due to having house/garden stuff to do, but also simply that i have got more used too it not that i am living the wild party lifestyle.
 One thing i used to do was have friday night treat night - so a bar of proper chocolate, long bath, candles film so at least i had something to get home for to get over that first hurdle of going through the door.Glad you are finding Oscar helps its a step towards filling some time in a positive way and something to look forward too.
Title: Re: Struggling
Post by: Emz2014 on August 29, 2018, 08:24:47 PM
I have found drawing a fantastic help- anything that causes you to concentrate and get into a state of 'flow' can really help - time passes and have a result at the end of it.

I remember during a particular distressing period of my life I spent a whole week of evenings drawing a motorbike, so focused on it the week flew by.

Origami can be a good one too if you're patient! (I do seem to collect hobbies lol!)

Do you have any hobbies, or maybe trial different things and find out what you discover xx
Title: Re: Struggling
Post by: Kes1968 on August 30, 2018, 04:46:55 PM
 :hearts:I donít have any hobbies as such, Iíll have to find one or two!! I enjoy swimming but my feet are so sore at the moment Iím not swimming at the moment, I enjoy reading and having Oscar to walk keeps me busy, I took him out all day today and weíve been on the beach which we both enjoyed, and I like puzzles especially sudoku and cryptic crosswords.