Author Topic: Nightmares  (Read 1274 times)

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Offline Barney

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Nightmares
« on: August 12, 2020, 05:55:10 AM »
I have started having nightmares about losing my teeth. I have read that this can relate to the loss of somebody in your life and that it is not something to be brushed under the carpet. However at the moment I am in need of dental work and at this particular time due to the Covit situation my treatment is not considered to be an emergency. But if I don'tget the treatment I need it will get worse. Then I will have to spend mire on dentist costs when I have no money. This is making me feel worse and I am scared the stress will make my dental problems even worse. I know a lot of people will think that fear of losing teeth is just vanity but when you suffer from low self esteem, anxiety, and other mental health problems it doesn't help. I am just going round and round in circles. Unable to sleep, leading to health problems, unable to get medical help,


Offline Karena

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Re: Nightmares
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2020, 12:31:37 PM »
Hi Barney Having nightmares is an all too common but still awful part of this journey - dreaming about losing your teeth is believed by many to be the result of losing some-one and when you think about that it makes absolute sense - because in older days long before cutlery and dentistry surviving without teeth would have been extremely difficult - its almost like a primeval instinct to go back to the basics of ancestral survival instincts  - and when you lose someone close then you wonder how you are going to survive without them not just physically but mentally -  so it isn't about your teeth,  only in as much as you are, in the real world concerned about not being able to get the work done on them now and worrying that will make them worse and be very costly and again its back to survival how can you afford it now with less income.
When catastrophe like this has hit you then you become more wary of everything - and start then to catastrophise.and actually i am very familiar with that i do it a lot.

There is no dream analysis book that connects nightmares about camper vans but  i did the same with my camper van - had nightmares it was falling apart sometimes bits dropped off and sometimes i crashed into walls and worse i ran over my husband - which also fits - he was a mechanic the van was his pride and joy - and with hindsight now which i didn't have at the time of that nightmare, it was when i was going through the guilt phase of believing i had let him down and here i was not just letting him down by not sorting the van but running him down.The nightmares reflected not just how i was feeling about losing him but combined with that real world anxiety over a current real world problem - it was the only transport i had, i needed it to shop, to get to work, to have any kind of social life, and it was the only way i had to move house or i would have to pay some-one else to do that meaning even less money for repairs to the van  and if i didnt do something now it would get worse and be even less affordable and round it goes again.

Then you find you cant sleep because the nightmares wake you or because you are afraid if you do sleep the nightmares will come. and another circle starts.

It took one initial step to stop the circle of camper van nightmares for me - to tell someone i had a problem with the van - a friend who knew what he was doing and then came over and fixed the problem and checked all the other ones which as it turned out were not as bad urgent as dangerous as i had made them be in my head  .  But you dont stop at one step you take the thing apart and look at it in bits - it also taught me to learn how to do more myself and keep on top of repairs myself, get breakdown recovery and find a local trustworthy mechanic for the future and keep the numbers to hand on my phone - thats kind of a lesson for  coping with anxiety over anything - it doent take it away but reducei it or allows you check it by having solutions in place for the what iffs  - often if we have anxiety we go straight to the worst case scenario - and taking steps in advance to cope if those situations do actually arise means they are less likely too and we are less likely to allow it too.

Of course you are not going to have a friend pop over and do your dentistry and you cant do it yourself - but maybe there are things you could do - first of all will the problem get worse as quickly as you think - has your dentist said so -can you speak to them maybe they can re-assure you.

Secondly if it isn't an NHS dentist look around for one in your area and ask to register - check you are not entitled to free or reduced NHS dental care but if you are not  there is still a maximum charge they can make - it used to be £250 not sure what it is now but at least if you have that maximum in your head and you know what you are aiming at where-as if you dont know how much its going to cost by the time you get there your anxiety will have pushed it up into  the thousands. You can also see the costs of something that needs mch less attention - there are set prices for a filling /extraction etc google it now.
Thirdly if its a private dentist and you want to stick with them or cant get an NHS one in your area  again look and see if they have set prices but also look and see if they have an insurance or payment scheme

If none of that is available then at least you have been pro-active and that in itself is a step forward.

When it come to sleep there are herbal teas or medicines you could try - also white noise sounds or just some music that relaxes you, but you dont always need to spend a lot on these things put a lavender plant next to you bed -  but also try having a relaxing routine - but one which changes what you do now in some small way so that you change the way your mind associates your habits with going to sleep. _ so for example if you go to bed at a certain time go later - if you watch tv or check facebook just before you go to sleep read a book instead - change something in your room round - dont make cleaning your teeth the very last thing you do - do something else after that so it isnt the last thing your mind associates with the same way . Most important dont lie there worrying you cant sleep or counting the hours until you have to get up again - switch your light back on and pick your book up again and try again do the same after you have a nightmare that wakes you rather than going back to sleep thinking about that and then repeating the cycle.

Finally i lost my top front teeth in an accident a few years ago -i have  false ones now - at first i hated them, i hated the very idea of them i was terrified they would fall out in public or even if they didn't everyone would just know - at first i wore a scarf over my mouth every time i stepped outside - then i contributed to half the micro bead plastics in the oceans using tubes of the stuff to stick them in - and there was no way i was going to tackle anything food wise in front of anyone else ever - now i have got used to them i barely think about it - i am not going to eat toffee or starburst sweets  they stick too it - and its not ideal trying to clean them in a campsite shower room ( not that thats been an issue this year)   but other than those small adjustments its fine -

I promise even if that's what actually happened with yours in the end which isnt likely,  but lets work with your worst case thinking, you can adjust and survive,and it doesn't change the way people look at you or think about you and mine dont or haven't as yet randomly fallen out anywhere and none of my own grand kids even know i have them . :hug:
       

Offline Barney

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Re: Nightmares
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2020, 06:55:55 PM »
Thank you so much for your kind and wise words.  I really like the idea of changing sequence of how and when I do things in order to change what I think about before I go to sleep.  After 25 years of caring for my husband the realisation that I am free to do things as and when I want to rather than need to is still very alien to me.  :heart:

Offline Karena

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Re: Nightmares
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2020, 10:59:05 AM »
 :hug:I think we spend a lot of time keeping the routines almost as though its a way of keeping them near us - it takes time to adjust but making little changes one small step at a time doesnt push them further away as we might imagine -and sometimes there is no choice because we need to look after ourselves the best way we can.

Eventually the van rusted beyond help and i was devastated - it is crazy how something in animate can hold such emotional value but they are old vans not made any more so i thought at least if the engine and other working  parts are used as spares for others who still  have theirs rather than scrapping it it/he will keep on traveling so i found a place that strips them down to do that -

I had thought maybe i should throw in the towel get a "sensible" car and grow up - but wasn't feeling any enthusiasm for doing it hadn't even bothered looking but when i took the van in they had one the same model for sale and sensible went out of the window -maybe it was co incidence maybe divine intervention - and they are such nice people they even swapped the seats for me so both front seats are the same seats we sat on in the old one -  sometimes maybe we over think things and cant find answers but they come along or are sent anyway - was i being foolish and wallowing in nostalgia  - absolutely - but only too a degree

It is ours in some ways, but more mine than the other was and am pretty sure he wouldn't have been quite so keen on the girly surf theme i have made for this one - palm leaf curtains, flamingo cushions, and crocheted seat covers along with dolphin palm tree and surfer decals and a surfboard shelf - but i think if he is somewhere around somehow he will be laughing knowing i was laughing when i put them on, and i was laughing knowing what he would have had to say about it when he was here - so even while you are making those changes the relationship is continuing in your heart and mind.