Author Topic: Feeling numb  (Read 1141 times)

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Offline Kovu

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Feeling numb
« on: December 10, 2019, 10:14:02 PM »
I moved in with a friend who hadn’t been well and didn’t want to live alone having lost his partner about a year ago to cancer.

Last week he woke me up at 1.40 am as he didn’t feel right. I let the dogs out to have a quick think and then decided to call an ambulance at 2 am. I packed a bag for the hospital for him and we waited. At 2.15 am he made a sound and in front of me had a heart attack. I called back for an ambulance and did CPR for 20 minutes, the paramedics did CPR and stuff for another 40 minutes but it wasn’t to be.

My CPR felt futile. He was 6ft 5 I broke his ribs I can still hear that cracking sound.
Why didn’t I call an ambulance as soon as he woke me up?
Why did they make him cat 2 response and not cat 1 - what should I have said? If I had called earlier I could have got a different operator who may have categorised it differently.

His partner before she died, asked me to look after him. I had one job to do and I failed, I didn’t save him - I have let everyone down and it cost someone their life.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Feeling numb
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2019, 07:52:57 AM »
Its totally natural to feel like this, the should haves, what ifs. Its hard, but you did all you could at the time with the knowledge you had at the time. You have already shown how much you care by moving in with your friend  :hearts:

Try and be gentle with yourself, it will have been a traumatic experience on top of grief.  Hope you find some comfort from the forum
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Feeling numb
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2019, 08:34:00 AM »
 :hug: Please don't blame yourself. As Emz says, you did the best you could with the information you had at the time. Your friend only felt unwell when he woke you. He didn't know he was going to have a heart attack either, so how could you?

My dad had a heart attack and phoned me from work to go and pick him up as he didn't feel well. He insisted on coming home rather than letting me take him to the hospital as thought he would feel better if he just rested for a while. Neither of us knew he had had a heart attack. By the time he did decide he ought to let me take him to hospital, much of the damage was done and he only lived for another three months, then had another and that one killed him. Again, we had no idea it was going to happen and neither did he. I just walked into the bedroom and found him lying on the bed. He was already gone.

You cannot see into the future. You cannot do more than what you think is right at the time. You did basic life support well. I have been trained in that and I know that if you break the ribs, it mean that you are doing it hard enough to work, rather than not hard enough, so you did your best. It is just a fact that even with life support help, only a small percentage of people survive. You didn't do anything wrong. It just wasn't meant to be. You really shouldn't be beating yourself up about this.

I know we all do the thing of thinking what if I had done this or that or if only I had done this or that, but that is part of the guilt all of us experiences when something hasn't turned out as we would have hoped. The truth is that sometimes the worst happens despite our best efforts and would have done even if we had done whatever we wish we had done anyway. Don't blame yourself. You did do your best for your friend. Sadly, this time it was never going to have been enough. You are not to blame.  :hearts: