So sorry you are still feeling like this - but it isnt unusual, it isnt something wrong with you at all and no you shouldnt have "got over this by now" the people who say that have no idea -that you dont get over it, but you do learnt to live with it and that takes as long as it takes
In queen songs
sometimes you are doing "the show must go on" sometimes you are doing "through the night"
and others "these were the days of our lives" and thats all one mad mix up of this journey that no one can put together in a way that makes sense, but the one which stays for me and is always the last line - is from these were the days " i look and i find i still love you" and for me thats always going to be the case i never have to let go of it i never have to justify it to anyone else, it just is.
But that doesnt mean there is always nothing ahead and everything good is past ot that because "those days are all gone now" there cant be other good days ahead.
I think going on holiday isnt something you should not consider doing again - but the opposite.
There is always this period straight after a holiday for a while which is really difficult when we look at the winter ahead return to the same old job same old routine etc and i think a lot of people feel that way without the fact they are, as you say, coming home to an empty house to "nothing" which is a thousand times more difficult than for others who havnt been in this situation.
I am 8 years into this and i still feel that to a degree, but less so now and for much less time, because one of the major parts with that added post trip depression is not having some-one to share the memorys of it with, preferaby the person who should have been there with you and that brings back yet again the depth of the hole your life fell into without them,
and maybe also to some level, not having done anything interesting enough to describe to others back at work - nothing wrong with that it is a holiday after all and its meant to be relaxing but for me, doing something particular means you meet people that you have that thing in common with and can end up sharing those memorys and those good times because you can keep in touch.
and maybe it becomes easier to talk about to those who wernt there because the particular "thing" you went to do is a focus of interest maybe something they havnt done.
When my husband was alive we used to go voluntary dolphin watching to Wales - i didnt go back the first year but then i decided i would as a tribute too him and our shared lives - but not in an official capacity so i could do as i pleased without letting anyone down if i wanted to come back early -and the first time it was really hard i spent quite a lot of time crying, i think maybe i had been at the stage where you subconsciousely somehow think they will be there waiting for you - it was our place we were going to retire there so thats where i would find him -and i didnt find him there that first year, but it wasnt all crying some of it was good and my love for the place and the dolphins had been re-kindled but was underlying my overwhelming feeling of being disapointed that i hadnt found him, also that i hadnt left my grief behind so i crashed righ back down again when i got back.
But over the next few months the love for the place took over more i went back again and it was much easier the second time, and I have gone every year since and the feeling that he is there but not in the way i was expecting that first time has grown and i now feel very close too him there, more than anywhere else in fact.It is still "our place" but also over that time i have made friends with others doing the same thing -I know if i had just wondered round doing the tourist thing i wouldnt have made new friends, but having the goal of the dolphins puts me on the harbour wall day after day and it doesnt matter if i am alone there because i have that focus, and i am not normally very good at socialising at all so its difficult for me to do that, but the ice is brocken when a dolphin appears, everyone is looking the same way, everyone is excited and so there are others standing on the wall all day as well so the conversations go on long after the dolphin has disapeared and when there are none around it turns to other things - its identifying the individual ones we know are resident in the bay, its taking the best photo its sharing boat trips falling of of kayaks and evenings outside with a couple of drinks and silly chat about sea badgers, but thanks to social media the chat goes on through the whole year, new conversations errupt with a new springwatch programme or new sightings in other parts of the world - so we do have those shared memorys and the laughs, and i know it isnt the same as when your husband was part of that, but its still good.
The other thing i have done over the years is go to south africa my daughter lives there, but i have also done a couple of permaculture voluntary projects, sustainable fruit farming, school gardens, turtle counts,zipwiring,(hated it) camped in the Kruger park, snorkelling, even had a go at surfing (badly) and except for the school gardens project i am still involved with even from home, they have been one offs but the kind of thing people at work have been interested in and slighly amazed that the only middle aged woman in the building is the only one who would do anything like that and the school garens project meant studying and learning and using those skills year round to still help out because i cant be there being hands on all the time.
Anyway i have rambled on enough but my point really is if you go with an end goal, whatever that is, something that interest you, that you would like to do or maybe one day before this awful thing happened thought you might like to try, rather than just being a tourist, and when others you meet share that goal, it means coming home is less of a let down,and you learn to pick yourself up again faster,and then just plan the next one, and hopefully are able to stay in touch with those new people to share the joint memorys with them -
It will never be the same as doing things with your husband it will never be the same kind of sharing, and maybe you will chose the wrong thing and go back to square one, but if there is one thing i can promise you, its that its better than staying in that empty house with that nothingness ahead of you