Hello Aimee, I'm so sorry you have reason to come and find us and am so sorry for your two painful losses. Sending you a welcome hug.
Sadly, all of us who have found our way here have lost someone and felt just the way you do now, hard as that may be for you to believe. I don't think any of us believe that anyone can understand the pain we are feeling, but we do. You are not alone.
I came here after losing my mum in 2017. My dad died after several heart attacks over a period of months in 1985. I was 24, so in that sense, I know how hard it is to lose someone so special and precious in your life at a young age. There are people who visit this site too who have lost loved ones to suicide, so nothing you can say will shock anyone here and you will find people who have been where you are now too.
It is early days in your grief journey. We all travel along it at different speeds and we all fall down along the way, but gradually the days become a little easier as the shock subsides and acceptance comes, as it must. You don't really ever get over it, but you do learn to live with it.
For me when I first came here, it was enough to make me dissolve into tears, just for others to say hello and they were sorry to hear about my loss and understood. So I hope this message doesn't have that effect on you, but we are sorry and we do understand Aimee.
I recognise the feeling you describe of being disconnected from the world and everyone around you. I think we all go through that feeling. Your world has changed and so have you and so you have a huge amount of trauma to deal with and a new you to get to know how to be, because life is never as it used to be after such major losses and you are never the same person you were beforehand either. Loss is a road to a new way of being, complicated even more now, by the current circumstances of the health crisis.
I found the first six months were the worst and it was at least a year and a half before I found I had any longer episodes of feeling better. They say on here, grief is a rollercoaster. You have bad and better days and slowly, over time, more good than bad ones, but my experience is that this doesn't happen on its own. You have to work at it and find things that help you feel better. That can be something as simple as keeping a diary and writing down each day how you are feeling and what you are thinking about, or having flowers around to remind you that there are still good things in the world or sitting in the park. I still find this a calming and peaceful place to be to try to come to terms and take in all that has happened. I also made an album of photos of my mum, after I lost her and that helped.
All you can do is take it one day at a time and try to take care of yourself. I found I could go a whole day and then at the end of it remember I had not eaten or drunk anything and that will only make you feel worse, so try to do that. Tell us whatever you wish and we will be here for as long as you need us. You might also take a look at another site, Let's Talk About Loss, that is for people who have experienced loss at a young age.
Sending strength and sympathy.
