Hello all, Can anyone help me with some guidance and help please I’m broken 😢

[Sandra61]

Hello again, Kitty. I think we all have those days when we can't even muster the energy or enthusiasm to get up and can't feel any point to it. I know I did. I think if it will help you to write a letter, then do it and dropping it into the sea sounds a nice idea to me. It doesn't sound silly at all.

I think we all dread attending the funeral. It was my biggest fear too, but once it is over, I think you do feel a sense of finality and some closure. Your friend sounds like a strong and positive character wanting everyone to wear bright colours. Clearly she wanted everyone to celebrate her life and I love red. It's my favourite colour too and also the traditional colour to signify love - think of Valentine's day; red everywhere! So if you wear red, you will be signifying how much you loved her and I am sure she would approve of that choice, especially if it was her favourite colour too.

Don't worry about what you write or how you say it. That's what this forum is for, for everyone to express how they feel as best they can. No one thinks straight when they are in such a dark and unhappy place.

We are here for as long as you need us. Sending strength. 

[SarahB]

Hi Kitty

Red is my favourite colour too!

What you have written really resonates with me as I lost my Mum in December. I too had already lost my Dad and I'm only 44. I feel exactly how you do. There are days I literally cannot function and nor do I want to. I've contemplated suicide because the pain is just too great, but I know she wouldn't want me to do that.

I managed to get through the funerals of both my parents but I honestly think we go on to autopilot. You do look back and think 'how did I do that?' I do remember thinking I couldn't go to either, or find the strength to prepare for either (the arrangements). But I did it.

My Mum's favourite colour was lime green. She had lovely green eyes (I don't know anyone with the same colour), so I wore green to her service. A lot of other people honoured her with bright colours as this was encouraged.  Even the funeral director and the staff wore green ties which was a lovely touch, she would have liked that.

I don't know how to keep going either. I think what is making it worse is this Coronavirus is really depressing in an already very depressing time.

I'm not sure I'm much help to you but wanted to let you know I'm feeling the same way as my Mum was my best friend and I would give just about anything to have her back. Sending you lots of love. 

[kerrysmith]

hi im broken too and new to this xx

[“Kitty123”]

Hi Sandra,

Thank you for getting back to me with your kind words and assurance that the way I am dealing with things are normal. I’m so happy that red is a colour that means so many lovely things. I think my best friend would be happy, and would probably be saying “ how much did you pay for it” haha! We have come up against a few hurdles the last few days due to the Coronavirus so everything has been scaled right back, just cemetery for family and very close friends. I have had another tough few days, but have taken your advice and written my best friend a letter, Infact it’s a bit of a poem, and my friends parents are actually asking if it can be put inside the coffin inside my best friends hands. This has given me such a warm feeling of closeness and that she will be taking with her some of my kind words that describe exactly what I thought of her and how special she a was to me.

I hope you are also doing ok Sandra, it is such a nice feeling to know that there are kind, caring and loving people out there that actually want to help people that are suffering loss and not coping well.
 Sending you big hugs, Kitty 

[“Kitty123”]

Hi SarahB 

Firstly I would like to say that I am so very sorry for your loss and for the pain that you are feeling. I am 43 and There is no feeling in the world like this and I can only say that I wish there was a way of us not feeling the pain, It does literally hurt so much it is physical. To lose your mum and your Dad I cannot even bare to imagine how that feels. I also have felt like the pain is too much and that suicide might have been a way of the pain stopping, but trust me that really isn’t what our loved ones would ever want for us. I do understand exactly how you are feeling and my loss is very recent too, the 5th March. Our loved ones would want us to thrive and succeed and to do all of the things that they can not do now and for you to live your life in their memory to the fullest. I am very glad that you have come to this wonderful forum that will help you through your grief and loss. I am a newbie here and have already felt  such kindness and found comfort in the kind words of help and guidance from others that have suffered similar losses.
You are not alone, you have all of us here for support now. So stay strong, take each day as it comes, and use the wonderful memories and thoughts of your loved ones to get you through each day. You will cry, you will feel angry, you will feel lost, but you WILL find strength from taking help and support from people that have lived through what you are going through.

If you ever need to talk I am here, and so are many other wonderful people to get you through this Sarah.

Sending you big hugs 

[“Kitty123”]

Hi KerrySmith

My name is Kitty, I hope you are ok. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling broken, I can only assume you have also suffered a very sad loss. Well done firstly for getting yourself on to this forum for support, there are many kind people here that are going through a bereavement , myself being one of them. You can share your thoughts, your pain and feelings on here. If you have questions or need any advice on anything feel free to ask any of us. To start to heal is when you start to share. When you talk about your feelings and what you are going through it really does take one tiny bit at a time of the pain away, although grief never really goes a way, there are ways of making it so that you get through each day so that the pain gets that little bit easier. This isn’t something that happens over night, I have literally been wearing the same clothes almost for a week where grief has just hit me like a bus. Grieving is different for everyone. Stay strong and reach out when you need to, talking to others really does help. I speak from experience.

Big hugs to you Kerry