A year tomorrow

[Janlmb]

 Tomorrow it will be a year since my husband died.  At that time this forum helped me so I thought that I should post about how the first year has been for me and my family.  It has been such a strange year with Covid and I was taken aback to find myself thinking "Thank God he is not here to have to face this"
.  So far I am waiting for the healing of time.  I miss him everyday and think about him a lot.  He is with me all the time.  My children have been very good and keep in contact.  I am aware that they too miss him very much.  I have made an effort not to be 'needy' and rely on them for comfort as they too are grieving.  Covid has been difficult in many ways but it has been the same for all of us and I am so thankful that I am not having to worry about money, work and a home as so many are.  Having two dogs has been fantastic.  They make me go out and they are always by my side.  They need care and affection and that helps too.  They are the best companions.  I was a bit surprised that no one offered to help in any way during the lockdown.  (The children are too far away.)  So I have had to rely on myself.  Having not gone out much in the last five years while my husband was so ill and needed care I lost touch with my friends.  I am so lucky to have one friend who has been very loyal.  So a year on I am still very sad, sometimes lonely but also grateful for the good things in my life.  It remains hard but I will do it.  Thank you to all the people on this forum who helped me when I needed it most.  I hope you are safe and well and will remain so.

[Emz2014]

Sending a big hug 
Ive certainly found my dogs have helped me through hard times. 

[Sandra61]

Hello Jan,

I am so glad you posted this. It's such a positive post and so honest. I think this is the experience of so many of us. Friends often don't help as much as we might have thought they would and it is great you have one friend who has been such a help and your lovely dogs to keep you going.

Keep on trying and time does eventually help a bit. You do sort of heal, but the scar remains and you do learn to live with it in time, but you never do stop missing them. It does get better,but what you have to accept is that that things will never be what they were, so you have to  create your own new life going forward. That is hard, but it too helps. 

Wishing you well. 

[Janlmb]

 Thank you for your words of encouragement.  As you say I have to proceed with my "new" life which I am trying to do.  I am very grateful to this forum which helped me very much when I really needed it.  I am also so aware of how very fortunate I am.  I hope that my deep sorrow will improve rather like a wound healing and that eventually I will just have a scar that may even fade a bit as time goes by.  I hope that you have a great day and will stay safe and well. I am mindful that many people on this forum are grieving too and I wish them healing. We will never forget our loved ones but have many happy memories. 

[Karena]

Welcome back  Thankyou for your positive post -you are right about the scar every so often it will give you a sharp reminder of the pain caused by the wound that created it- and the scar is something which becomes part of who you are - but it will never be a painful reminder that you had such a great love in your life, that love will never fade or go away - the scar itself only represents the physical loss and the journey of healing and in doing so finding ways to take that love forward with you.