Dying of a broken heart...

[Jackie - Richard]

...We hear such a lot of the statistics of the elderly ( i am one of them ) that after losing their companion, their loved one, passes away themselves within months...I feel that i will be one of them...more so when no family to turn to or live too far away...i am so lonely and frightened, also looking after my MS...I am so terrified of my future, if i still have one...

Jackie... 

[Penelope]

Jackie, I am sending so much love your way. The feelings you have are natural and yes awful, those first months feel impossible to bear the idea of continuing alone. Not having family near for support doesn’t help matters. I am lucky I have my son. But maybe meeting other people widowed might help lift you and give you that important sense of strength. I think on here they do meet-ups. I don’t know for certain as I have only been on here for a day. But I can relate to that feeling when you lose your soulmate. Finding people to talk to like on here is a good start. We spend years doing everything together with our love of our lives, and then find ourselves left alone, it’s a real shock to the system. But I promise, all of us have felt that way, as though we won’t make it without them. I hope you can maybe get to some meetings and get to talk to others face to face. I think it might help you. Keep posting and let us know you are alright

Hugs x

[Jackie - Richard]

Penelope...
...Thank you for caring...but I live on a parkhome miles from nowhere ( off the grid ) and down in the valleys on a steep slope both upwards and downwards, i have no car, i have Multiple Sclerosis...

[Jill]

Hello Jackie,  If you don't mind me saying, it sounds as if you have been left up the creek without a paddle.  I think people here can try to give you some emotional support but it sounds to me as if you could really do with some practical help.  I hope you don't mind me suggesting it, but could you ask maybe Social Services or your local home nurses for some suggestions.  Maybe you could move closer to family, with help of course or at least somewhere closer to civilisation?  Especially as you can't even drive yourself anywhere.  I do wonder how you are managing?  My husband died in July and I am living in the countryside and trying to move back to England.  It was fine living here with my husband but it is very lonely on my own.  I do mean well even if my advice is useless to you as you do sound very cut off there.  I miss my husband very very much too, he was a really wonderful person.

[Jackie - Richard]

Social Services came to my home two days ago, told me i dont fit the criteria...the local MS Specialist nurse, my allocated one if i was to use  her, have 450 plus MS patients to each MS Specialist Nurse on their books...My parkhome is on the for sale market but unlike bricks and mortar homes dont tend to sell so quickly and another problem i face is how do i go to view property 150 miles away...somehow I will make it work, one way or another...The solicitor business is almost complete and they are 150 miles away, mostly all done via the computer-emails..

Jill...
...you say you are looking to move back to England, which country are you in now as you mention living in the countryside...Yes life has become very lonely...we just dont see this coming when we make plans to move so far away from the place we call home...

[Jill]

Hi Jackie,  I am sorry Social Services couldn't help you.  And the MS nurse sounds overstretched as well.  But I am glad your dealings with the Solicitor are nearly finished.  But don't be afraid to ask people for help.  Usually people don't know you need help unless you ask.  I live in France and don't laugh but I want to move back to Dorset!  But like you I am having to be very patient.  One thing I find very hard to get used to is sitting there eating a meal on my own, I hate it.  To be honest,  one of the main things that has helped me is this site and all the kind people here.  I hope the people on your park are nice.  Bye for now, Jill 

[Karena]

  - Jackie it seems clear you need to be able to go back home as soon as you can - but dont give up on life i know its easy to say but we are not statistics and that statistic doesnt have to define you.
 If the park home doesnt sell could you rent it out and cover a rent elsewhere with that ?  Do you still have friends or familly back home -maybe when you are ready to view property book several over a few days and stay with some-one who will help you get around to do so rather than trying to travel back and forth often - is your park home on a site or stand alone -it sounds idylic - but as you say things are until you have to cope alone and then it changes into a nightmare - much as i miss out old home i know it wasnt practical to stay there neither financially or in other ways - how would i have found time to work and  maintain it the gardens and croft  4 bedrooms single glazing no heating just an open fire and frequently in winter  snowed in or out - the year before i was 7 weeks of having to walk the four miles cross country on frozen ground and snow drifts to work -then  home in the pitch dark carrying food supplies - fine when there was some-one there to notice if i didnt get home and i walked in to the fire already lit and the hot food on its way less so otherwise and  what if i slipped - no one would know i was lying in a field in minus 10 degrees - it just wasnt safe any more. 
 I know i will move again when i get older because here the houses are increasingly second homes - i dont have neighbours just holiday cottages - local shops are changing to shops that dont sell even basic food, "boutique clothing" is no use to me  - bus services have all but gone - gp services farmed out -and the day i can no longer drive it will be a massive problem - but i find even now i dont feel i want to have too drive for miles to do anything  - work is the only convenience to being here when thats gone so am i. is using font size helping you at all by the way  ?

Jill i found i didnt even bother cooking for myself  - until the day i found myself with a spoon and a tin of rice pudding as my main meal -and even after that awful microwave meals  - my daughter gave me a book - the cake the buddah ate - and that inspired me to get cooking again -it kind of turns creating food into a mindfulness activity - peeling potatoes is mindful if you make it so (and cheaper than coloring books) but until my eldest grandson moved in a few weeks ago, even then i only bothered at weekends  - i have lived off soup pretty much during the week-  so you are doing well to be eating a meal at all - and  i totally get how difficult it is to do so on your own - it isnt all that long since i came down in the morning and accidently made two cups of coffee - it is one of those things though that generally will become more normal over time.  

[Jackie - Richard]

If i move out and everything with it, whether stuff goes into storage or i go into rental property with my furniture, whether permanent or temporary my money will be going down, if i want to buy, plus the removals upheaval and expenditure again...and not forgetting i still have to pay monthly " ground rent " on my then empty parkhome even when empty and vacated until someone else takes over once sold...
...We cant rent out these parkhomes, they are permanent homes not holiday homes...

Karena - Jill...
...our homes sound wonderful and scenic if we are fit and able, but like this parkhome now for me is not practical, but i knew it wasn't practical when we came to look at it, more fool me..nor for someone without their partner, without a car, and with an MS disability...just was not expecting to lose dog number three and my Richard in less than three years...

[Jill]

Jackie as you say, we are both a bit stuck at the moment but to use your very own words.  We will make it work one way or another.  Hang on in there Jackie.