Author Topic: Losing my friend  (Read 1168 times)

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Offline KathrynM

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Losing my friend
« on: February 25, 2020, 09:07:19 PM »
Just over a month ago my friend died. I hadn't seen him for a while and I was cross with him at Christmas because I made him promise that we'd catch up whilst he was back in the UK but it didn't happen and he hadn't returned my message until it was too late. My last thoughts about him when he was alive were pissed-off ones, and I will be forever sad about that.

Just sitting here typing this, I've realised it's impossible to sum him up in words, so for now I'm not going to try. He was my friend, he was always there for me, I could talk to him about anything and now he's gone. There is so much love for him from all his friends and family, but his body hasn't yet been found so we haven't been able to come together for a funeral or memorial. I'm helping to organise a remembrance and fundraising evening this weekend, so we will get a chance to be together but I have been finding it so hard to look through lots of photos and talk about him all week. I thought the raw angry snotty crying, being in total shock bit, was the worst. But I'm now feeling detached from the world and not wanting to engage in anything. I just don't know what to do with all these feelings. If someone said I could spend the next month in bed with the curtains shut, I would jump at it.

Anyway, just going to leave that there so that it's not all completely in my head! Back to trying to be a reasonably functioning adult and parent for a bit...


Offline Sandra61

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Re: Losing my friend
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2020, 10:33:37 AM »
Hello Kathryn,

The experience of grief as you describe it sounds very normal. I think most of us go through these stages, if that is any comfort. At least you will know you are not alone or experiencing anything that others have not also been through.

Sending you strength.  :hug:

Offline Karena

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Re: Losing my friend
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2020, 12:23:23 PM »
 :hug: I think that feeling of wanting to hibernate is also part of grief we are shocked in the same way physical injury creates shock , then we find ways to torment ourselves with guilt even for our thoughts,  and spend so much time crying  it isn't surprising we get exhausted to want to hide away is our brains way of following what it an instinct it wants us to take time out then start to deal with things one at a time.
I know it probably seems irrelevant but if you look at animal bereavement studies - that's what other salient creatures do - they go into a lair and hide away -we are not so removed from them - we still have instincts of flight or fight just as they do  so why not this too - the only thing is society and work demands we ignore that instinct, but if you have the opportunity then don't be afraid to follow it for a while.  :hug: