Author Topic: Four days  (Read 108033 times)

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Offline pennyking

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Re: Four days
« Reply #480 on: September 15, 2016, 08:55:42 AM »
Everyone has their own story.  We don't know what others are going through just like others don't know what your going through.  Hope today is a better day for you.  Take care. X

Offline Hubby

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Re: Four days
« Reply #481 on: September 15, 2016, 10:09:59 PM »
Thanks pennyking. That's very deep thinking.

I did quite well in work today. The contractors were late again but I managed to set them up then get back to the depot and build three bays of industrial racking in a shipping container. The sun was beating down on it and it was like an oven in there. I wouldn't be surprised if I've lost a couple of pounds or whatever they call them nowadays.

I'm still very forgetful. I remember while I was putting my boots on before going out this morning thinking that I had to take a wedge of legal documents into work to get someone to countersign. Of course I left them in the house. Then in work I printed off a letter for my doctor and when I got home realised I had left it on the desk. I've also had to make three trips this week to pick up a clipboard full of plans I left on site when I finished work.

I did a shop on the way home and then had a relaxing evening doing not a lot.

I did have a cry when I went upstairs for a wash before bed but the bathroom is where we found Margaret collapsed so that's always going to bring back bad memories. One day I will redecorate it so it isn't such a trigger.

Hope everyone else had good days.
« Last Edit: September 15, 2016, 10:50:15 PM by Hubby »

Offline angela33

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Re: Four days
« Reply #482 on: September 15, 2016, 10:37:42 PM »
I'm still very forgetful Hubby - the same kind of things as you - leaving documents on the worksurface which I was supposed to take with me etc etc. Often forget things I've told someone and end up like my elderly Dad (RIP) who would tell me the same story five or six times in the course of an hour - always made me laugh though as he told the story with all the enthusiasm of the first time.  Just hope I'm not having to face the onset of Alzheimers as well as grieving!
If you look back at some of your earlier posts Hubby I'm sure you will see that you are making progress and finding your way, even though some days are still total crapola! Its seeing that in small ways in myself and in others that keeps the flame of hope alive.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Four days
« Reply #483 on: September 18, 2016, 12:37:14 AM »
Thanks for the reply Angela.

I certainly am moving forward slowly but still have setbacks, some longer than others.

Yesterday I remembered the paperwork and got it all signed and ready for posting. I had an easy day in work. The contractors actually turned up on time and finished an hour early which gave me a bit of extra time to myself. Bit of a disaster with tea. I got some chicken drumsticks and one of those bags with spices and stuff that you cook them in. Despite following the instructions to the letter after an hour in the oven they were still raw  in the middle. I ended up going freestyle and giving them another 40 minutes at s higher temperature. I was starving by then and would have eaten them even if they were still raw but they were cooked fine.

Today I actually managed to get up in the morning and got a bit of painting done outsede. It was slow work because the brickwork isn't the best and there's a lot of books and crannies to brush the paint into.

I've had a few good sobs today. There weren't any triggers. Just random feelings of loneliness and longing. Fortunately they only lasted about ten minutes then I could get myself together again and carry on. I have also 'talked' to Margaret a lot today as I was up my ladder.  :huh:

Offline Hubby

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Re: Four days
« Reply #484 on: September 18, 2016, 09:18:44 PM »
No crying yet today. Ove been thinking about Margaret but mainly happy memories.

Managed to get up albeit at 11 after a lie in. Got outside and cleared the gutters ready for winter (you would be surprised how much moss I managed to dig out). I did a little painting then set about cooking tea for my youngest daughter and her fiancée. I did a full dinner today, Roast chicken and all the trimmings. I did forget the stuffing but everything was ready at the same time and I'm quite proud of my success.  :yahoo:

My grandson is coming along in leaps and bounds. Hesbeencrawling for about ten days and has really got the hang of it. His smile and laughter really brightens the day.

I'll have a little weep at beftime no doubt but this weekend has definitely been better than the past few.

I hope he rest of you are having good days.

Offline Brian71

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Re: Four days
« Reply #485 on: September 18, 2016, 10:06:38 PM »
Pleased to hear you had a good day Hubby...well done,  that meal sounded delicous.   I'm on a diet so just 1 crumpet for breakfast and,  and a slice of bread and butter with a small tin of red salmon for tea.

Today's not been too bad for me either,  I managed to finally get the freezer defrosted without any disasters,  and mainly did the hoovering right through, and dusted and polished the furniture, and did my weekly wash, and ironed a few shirts.   I was out most of yesterday,  having driven down to Oxford for a Linux meetup we have occasionally (bit like a computer show),  had a pub meal on way home last night arriving back about 9.30,  so overall not too bad a weekend with no tears so far,  probably because Its been quite a busy weekend I suppose.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Four days
« Reply #486 on: September 19, 2016, 02:45:33 PM »
Thanks Brian.

I've had a day that is rapidly going downhill. It is six months practically to the minute that I walked down the ward in ICU, found the consultant and said the hardest two words I have ever had to say in my life ...

"We're ready"

... we weren't. How can you ever be ready to watch someone you love take their last breath?

Now I'm sitting in my van outside the depot in floods of tears. I'm reliving that final hour in my head, minute by minute and it's difficult. Very difficult. I'm probably going to be sat in the van here for a long time.

This thread is very long now and six months is s bit of a milestone. I hoping it's a new stage in my journey. With that in mind I will open a post called 'Six months' later to continue my story and put this one to bed.

Offline Brian71

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Re: Four days
« Reply #487 on: September 19, 2016, 04:17:45 PM »
I relive my wife's last day and final hours too, very often,  I frequently go over in my mind the circumstances that lead to her death.

I've been informed the formal investigation they are doing which has taken 5mths so far is nearing it's conclusion,    If it prevents it happening to just one person again it will have been worth all the time and research I've put into it.   They are sending a copy to me before I have the meeting with them. It may also give me some closure, and afterwards is anyone's guess, a day at a time I suppose.
« Last Edit: September 19, 2016, 11:46:47 PM by Brian71 »

Offline angela33

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Re: Four days
« Reply #488 on: September 19, 2016, 06:22:27 PM »
Brian I feel so sad that you have this additional load to carry - as if the loss of your wife wasn't enough, you are having to go through official procedures which continually keep the memories of the NHS' negligence open and raw. It is generous of you to think that your experience may help others in the future, but dreadful that it should happen at all.  I had a difficulty with staff behaviour and responses when John had his heart attack and subsequent brain damage while waiting in a side ward to be admitted to the respiratory unit. He spent 3 days in ICU after CPR (who were magnificent in their care and service) but when they reduced the levels of sedation, it was confirmed that there were no responses whatsoever from his brain, so was effectively brain dead. I was offered the option of him being kept 'alive' by machinery which would basically just be pumping oxygen into his lungs, but was warned that he could not stay in ICU indefinitely and could end up on a ward somewhere within the hospital and so would not receive the level of care he received in ICU.  So his sister and I had the dreadful decision to make to let him die peacefully and in his own times.  They did in fact provide a quiet and apparently pain and distress free condition for John by use of pain relief and sedation, so as his sister and I sat each side of him and watched his breathing gently slow, we comforted ourselves with the thought that he was in no distress. But that was when ours started.  I thought briefly about challenging the staff behaviour on the side ward, but really had no evidence and felt it would not benefit myself, John or any others, so tried to let my memories of my concerns go. Not easy in the dark hours though.
So Brian, all strength to you as you go through these hard times and painful memories.

Offline Brian71

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Re: Four days
« Reply #489 on: September 19, 2016, 09:09:29 PM »
Thank you Angela,  I wish I could say my wife's death was also peaceful and she slowly slipped away,  but it wasn't, she had an agonizing death,  gasping for every breath,  she could not breath, their oxygen supply delivers  a maximum of 15ltrs a minute and in the final hour it was not enough, it was only in the final minute when they quickly gave her a very large dose of morphine did she stop struggling, as she kept trying to rip the mask from her face.   My daughter was with her, and she told me it was agonizing to watch Dad,  the staff had asked me to leave "saying you have been here all night Brian, go and get yourself a coffee as we need to wash and change your wife's clothes"  They sent someone down to get me but in the 20mins I was downstairs she passed away before I returned... I was absolutely livid,  I had stayed with her every single night and I was not there when she actually died. :cry:
 
« Last Edit: September 19, 2016, 11:42:40 PM by Brian71 »

Offline angela33

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Re: Four days
« Reply #490 on: September 19, 2016, 10:12:27 PM »
This forum is a place for our rants and howling at the moon Brian. Probably one of the few places we can really let go so no apologies needed. We can listen to you here and understand how bad it all feels. Hug to you and real sympathy

Offline Lilian

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Re: Four days
« Reply #491 on: September 22, 2016, 11:03:01 PM »
Dear Brian71, when my father was dying my mum was with him in the hospice day and night but of course she had to leave his bedside sometimes. The nurses said to her don't be surprised if he goes while you are absent as it often happens that way. I stayed with my mum day and night at her end too but she died when I stepped outside while they washed her. The nurses hastily called me back in when it happened and later said I was actually there for her last breath but I'm not sure if I was or they were just being kind. There is so much that we don't know and I find that strangely comforting.