Author Topic: Four days  (Read 107964 times)

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Offline Hubby

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Re: Four days
« Reply #30 on: April 03, 2016, 06:11:52 PM »
I went. I cried my eyes out all the way there but, strangely, stopped when I went in the room. She looked different but peaceful. I stayed in for about five minutes. Thanked her for the best years of my life, apologised for any way I might have let her down over the years, told her that her make up looked a kip then placed my letter and a small teddy in the coffin, said goodbye, gave her a final kiss and left.

Outside I cried again for about half a hour while other family members were in with her.

The others are now out visiting people and I am alone after coming back from walking the dog. I feel strangely at ease as if seeing her has made me realise that there was more to her than what I have lost and I still have so much left.

I can't say I would have regretted not going but I am glad I did.

Offline Joann

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Re: Four days
« Reply #31 on: April 03, 2016, 06:49:55 PM »
 :hug: :hug:
Taking it one day at a time.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Four days
« Reply #32 on: April 03, 2016, 08:35:14 PM »
 :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline longedge

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Re: Four days
« Reply #33 on: April 03, 2016, 08:54:47 PM »
A memory that you wouldn't otherwise have had. Tinged with a lot of pain I know, but I found it helped me to acknowledge what had happened. Coming terms with it is still an ongoing process for me and I think that is common to us all.
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Cairo

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Re: Four days
« Reply #34 on: April 03, 2016, 09:16:38 PM »
I agree that it helped me to come to terms with what had happened. I can remember my husband more clearly went I went to see him in the Chapel of Rest than when I was with him in Intensive Care in hospital. At that point I was in total shock and he had tubes going in and out everywhere. I think I needed to see him so my last memory would be of him looking smartly dressed and unattached to medical equipment.
~~~~~~~~
I will survive.
~~~~~~~~

Offline Hubby

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Re: Four days
« Reply #35 on: April 03, 2016, 11:44:59 PM »
Had the family round tonight with loads of KFC. They've all gone now and my daughter has gone to bed. Funeral is first thing tomorrow. I'm in a really bad place. Crying, chest aching, I feel absolutely physically and emotionally drained.

I know I'm not going to be able to sleep but can't risk taking my last sleeping tablet in case I can't wake tomorrow.

Looks like it's going to be a long hard night.

Offline Cleo

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Re: Four days
« Reply #36 on: April 04, 2016, 06:12:47 AM »
Hopefully you will find the day much nicer than you expect as I found it a lovely celebratuon of my gorgeous husband's life.  Just make sure you have support after it is over.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Four days
« Reply #37 on: April 04, 2016, 07:34:07 AM »
Sending a hug to help you through today  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Hubby

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Re: Four days
« Reply #38 on: April 04, 2016, 08:53:45 AM »
Up, dressed, ready. Major panic attack. Feel sick, shaking, can't breathe.

I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS!!!! :cray:

Offline longedge

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Re: Four days
« Reply #39 on: April 04, 2016, 09:25:23 AM »
Funeral day Hubby? Be strong for your wife mate.
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Karena

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Re: Four days
« Reply #40 on: April 04, 2016, 12:54:45 PM »
 :hug: :hug: :hug:thinking of you today

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Four days
« Reply #41 on: April 04, 2016, 12:56:31 PM »
 :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Dave Administrator

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Re: Four days
« Reply #42 on: April 04, 2016, 03:35:56 PM »
Up, dressed, ready. Major panic attack. Feel sick, shaking, can't breathe.

I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS!!!! :cray:

Goodness knows from where but I hope you found the strength to go through this extremely painful almost surreal day and you have a kind of inner peace within you now that she is at rest and the happy memories she gave you, are locked in your heart forever.
Take care and please keep posting however small or large you can manage, we need them.

Offline Joann

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Re: Four days
« Reply #43 on: April 04, 2016, 06:38:53 PM »
 :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Taking it one day at a time.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Four days
« Reply #44 on: April 04, 2016, 06:52:28 PM »
Thank you all for your thoughts.

It's done.

Incredibly hard at first. Waiting in the street with all the neighbours standing opposite. I cried a lot then the hearse arrived and I totally broke down. The slow drive to the church where I found lines of my workmates had turned out and the church packed with people who's lives she had touched. I couldn't pick out a face in the crowds it was all a blur.

The service went well, varied between sad and funny moments especially the eulogy by my eldest, we left the church to the sound of wig wam bam by the sweet, a song she always used to dance to at parties. The graveside service was really short which I was thankful for.

Then the nibbles. The club I booked managed to display the photos I prepared for the digital frame on a big screen which looked good. My youngest daughter had also prepared large display boards with photos from her life which was a nice touch. That part was easier than I thought.

Then home, to an empty house.

Feeling better? Not really but another day got through, something I didn't want to do out of the way and, hopefully, another step forward.