Author Topic: New year. New thread.  (Read 24248 times)

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Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #15 on: January 12, 2017, 10:36:03 PM »
Lol. In work they all say I have OCD. I'm forever straightening things out. Even my counsellor has picked up on it as I rearrange the tissue boxes in the room. In the house though I don't care. Everything stays where it's put unless I have to move it to use the space for something else..

I had a big cry last night so didn't come online and it was one of those that come from nowhere with no obvious trigger. I might have another tonight. I just don't know.

Yesterday and today were pretty much the same as Monday and Tuesday. Get up, go to work, come home, make tea, go to bed. I'm doing what I have to to get by but nothing more. My heart isn't really into anything. I'm coping.  :undecided:

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #16 on: January 13, 2017, 06:15:51 PM »
 :hug: a lot of the time that's what I,m doing work home TV then bed,the last two activity's shut out the loneliness,but in between that there are better times it just takes a long time to build them into some kind of life.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #17 on: January 13, 2017, 10:28:32 PM »
Thanks for the reply Karena.

It's Groundhog Day for me again. Work, tea, bed. Manageable but not good. I can't see anything changing anytime soon.

Today was payday when the lads from work go out for a few drinks and I would have liked to go but I have volunteered for a job tomorrow so I can't drink. Why I volunteered I don't know. I'm not desperate for money and it will tie up all of tomorrow and stop me doing stuff I need to do. I'll be working alone so it's not like i will be getting any company out of it.

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #18 on: January 14, 2017, 04:33:33 PM »
 :hug: distraction maybe .Perhaps he/t time you could go for a drink with the lads,it doesn't have to be alcoholic just go for the company.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #19 on: January 14, 2017, 10:59:58 PM »
Thanks Karena. i think I'm in danger of the old cliche "throwing myself into work" to distract myself.

I did my job this morning and had a few hours to spare before finishing it off so I went home and had a sleep. After finishing the job I got a burger and sat in my van overlooking the river.

I don't automatically burst into tears when I think about Margaret anymore so I seem to be thinking about her more. This causes sadness that I can't distract myself from. It's like I'm on the edge of tears all the time, upset but not enough to let it out. I am coping but it's a miserable existence.

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #20 on: January 15, 2017, 06:17:44 PM »
 :hug: coping is a good start,look how far from the early days coping really is Something you could try in the coming week is listing five things that lift your spirits,maybe time with your grandson,sun shining when you walk the dog,something at work or even a smiley cashier on the checkout,doesn't have to be big or for more than a moment.Gradually increase it to five a day and you will find yourself looking for them and once you start looking then you start seeing that existence is varied not all miserable all the time.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #21 on: January 15, 2017, 10:33:59 PM »
Ollie definitely lifts my spirits. He was around this afternoon and we had our first wrestle. He was laughing so loud as he bounced on me I thought my ears would burst.

Actually it's not been a miserable day.  I woke up pretty early and my daughter texted me asking if I wanted to go to the supermarket with them. I was looking forward to it but as I got ready I was called out to work. It was something easy to fix but it took me up till 1 to travel there and back. I got some flowers and went to the cemetery with my daughter then came home, played with Ollie and cooked tea. I had a bit of a relax after they had gone home. I did just have a bit if a cry as some pictures on the digital photo frame caught my eye but I expect that to happen sometimes.


Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #22 on: January 16, 2017, 08:30:08 PM »
We used to have a thread on the old forum for doing the five a day thing but your one for today is Ollie's laugh, and it really doesn't matter if its the same one every day.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #23 on: January 16, 2017, 09:48:14 PM »
I honestly don't think I could go five a day. I'm struggling with one for today.

It's not been a bad day. A bit if a Groundhog Day again. Work, home, tea, telly, bed.

I had one of those awkward moments today. I was on a site meeting with some high level
Managers and one I hadn't seen for some time asked how I was getting on on days. I said it was a lot different to nights and he joked " I bet your wife had never seen so much of you?".

Why shouldn't he, he doesn't know and I've managed to considerably cut back on shoehorning my bereavement into every conversation. I saw my bosses face drop when he heard it but even though it hurt I just smiled and nodded. It's just easier that way.

I'm actually quite proud of that. No tears, no conversation stopping 'putting him right'. Just rolled with it. Manys the time that would have set me off.

I coped.  :yahoo:

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #24 on: January 17, 2017, 07:43:26 PM »
 :hug:I had a conversation like that more than once.I am stymied though because on the one hand I want to keep wearing my wedding ring but naturally  having conversation with anyone who doesn't know leads to the question, about him.
Almost every time I have been to ZA someone has said how brave travelling there without my husband,which is easier than the direct question because I can just agree without offering further information.

Five a day is just a guideline five a week is a good starting point,you get 2 days off,you used one.Best get round and see Ollie. :hug:

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #25 on: January 17, 2017, 08:32:01 PM »
I never really wore my wedding ring. Rings are a bit dangerous working with electricity and machinery. I don't even know where it is but I have had an M tattooed on my wedding ring finger as, as far as I am concerned, I am still a married man. 

Today was a bit 'more of the same"Ish. I feel like I'm getting into a bit of a rut. I just don't  seem to have the energy, inclination or time to do anything outside of work at the moment. It had been a long day though so I'm going to have an early night.

I did have a spirit lifting moment today when I saw a toddler running around the toy aisle in ASDA hugging all the other toddlers. It just looked so sweet I couldn't help but smile.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #26 on: January 17, 2017, 09:27:41 PM »
There's your second positive there, watching and smiling at that toddler :-)   

It is actually scientifically proven that focussing on, and documenting, positives start to focus the brain on noticing more positives - tuning in to them in a way.  Even the smallest positive, such as making/having an amazing cup of coffee or just succeeding in getting out of bed and achieving a small chore some days, make a big difference when we notice and allow ourselves to recognise we've achieved/experienced a positive. There's a great TED talk which also covers part of this, I can send you details, if anyone would like to watch it (I'm finding some great talks on TED which can help inspire, motivate or make you feel a bit more hopeful)

Whilst this doesnt take away our loss, it helps to lift our spirits, even if just a little, which helps us to have the energy to cope and tackle things  :hearts:

I've been battling a lethargic, unmotivated and down feeling which keeps trying to descend/stay and do believe winter has some influence in this, I'm certainly not getting as much exercise, fresh air/sunlight as I think I need. Im trying to be kind to myself and eat well, rest when I need - knowing it won't be too long until Spring. Sending a hug hubby   :hug:xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #27 on: January 18, 2017, 10:36:26 PM »
Thanks emz.

I'm finding it hard to find positives. Lately the days have all been pretty similar. I don't feel happy, I don't feel  sad, I don't feel anything really. I'm just plodding along with no real purpose.

I did pop in to see Ollie after work tonight and he's taken to launching himself toward things in his efforts to learn how to walk. Watching him certainly lifted my mood.

Offline Hubby

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #28 on: January 19, 2017, 10:04:21 PM »
More of the same today. No positives at all.

I did have a major cry on the drive home and had to pull over. The trigger was "Your song" playing on the radio.

Curse you Elton John.  :angry:

Offline Karena

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Re: New year. New thread.
« Reply #29 on: January 20, 2017, 11:32:53 PM »
I once got up to sing circle of life in front of an audience,despite knowing the song inside out and rehearsing the words took on a whole new meaning I broke down after a couple of verses.Luckily a friends daughter who was only 9 realised I was struggling and came up to join me.Then her mum and others in the group I was with also stepped up and we finished it together.It was a very poignant moment they had been friends of both of us from camping events so there was More than one tearful person up there.Heaven knows what other people in the venue thought was going on. :rofl: but yes I also cursed poor Elton.