Recent Posts

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General Discussion / Re: New live chat room
« Last post by Emz2014 on March 23, 2021, 08:10:29 PM »
General Discussion / New live chat room
« Last post by Norma on March 23, 2021, 04:21:04 PM »
New live chat room, Hi everyone, We have a brand new live chatroom thatís more mobile user friendly ,Iíll be there each evening at 6.30, please give it a try. Just use the link below, type in your name in the guest box,  no need to register or use a password, youíll see 3 rooms normally the one with a star at the side of it is the one in use  live chat was my life saver in  The early days of losing my hubby,  please give it a try

Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Trying to cope after the loss of my dad
« Last post by Wemu on March 22, 2021, 08:06:37 PM »
Haven't read all of your post (glasses downstairs!) but happy to chat if it would help. I lost my dad nearly 5 years ago. Keep strong, easy to say I know but you will. We can surprise ourselves. Just mail me if you want to. Be knifed to yourself and cry, it dies help xx
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Lost my soulmate
« Last post by Karena on March 15, 2021, 10:39:41 AM »
 :hug:Yes i did when my husband died -it is awful but then everything about this journey is.

I am at the other end to you though and although grief is not something that ever goes away  we learn to live with it and move forward with them in our hearts - It takes a long time longer than people around us  think and because it isnt a physical injury they cant see how much pain we are in - but just like a physical injury healing can be a long and exhausting process -  we start by being kind too ourselves and allowing the healing to begin without  trying to run any marathons As we  learn to walk again  we often fall over - some of the hazards are obvious and massive but more often it is the little things like no longer being able to smell them on their clothes that trip us up  Gradually we take more steps until we can walk again - the ache the scar or the limp remains with us and becomes part of who we are - but those steps are not ones we have to take in a direction that takes us away from them  we can find other ways to take them forward with us i didnt go to bed but slept on the sofa and when i say slept there wasnt too much of that  - didnt watch the same tv shows or listen to CD,s everything changed. When i did start to go to bed though i  filledl the space with cushions - and pushed the bed against the wall it shouldnt have helped but it did. Finding this place helped as well - somewhere to write waht i couldnt say out loud and some-where people did understand because they are on the same journey - we will be here as long as you need us  :hug:
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Lost my soulmate
« Last post by Maxob on March 14, 2021, 05:56:36 AM »
Am struggling after the loss of my wonderful husband
Find going to bed alone really difficult
Also i cant seem to find his Ďsmellí on any of his clothes which i would find comforting
Has anyone else felt like this?
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hello
« Last post by Karena on March 11, 2021, 04:10:49 PM »
bless you - Thankyou for making me smile today i can imagine he would definitely be laughing at you telling the pup off using his name - we had a rescue staffie/labrador called Ben - he was very lost when keith died so we were in good company with each other when it came to being bereft and the  hierarchy had changed, so there were some challenges getting him to understand i was the boss now ( i dont think he ever believed me really )- but he definitely kept me going - you have to get up when they demand food and walks no excuses - but i can imagine  Keith would have said about me letting him on the bed - i did talk to the sky then too - saying something like what are you going to do about it - I didnt really think it through properly though . Ben was getting on a bit and i worried about him on the stairs there was only one way down for him and that was fast and out of control - so i started making him wait at the top until i was halfway down then stopping him, then making him wait again until i did the other half  - then waiting at the bottom - not for my safety but so if he did lose his footing i could catch him  - after that i started sleeping downstairs so he didn't need to go up at all - i was devastated when he died , but i will always be grateful for his company and keeping me going in those early days. - I haven't got another dog but until covid i was at work  all day so not really fair on a puppy or a rescue as they often have problems with being left  - but i do have three dogs who come round for their holidays sometimes when the owners go away - Rufus is also a rescue mainly  lurcher as graceful as a deer and as stupid as a pheasant  - zabba is a Labrador he was supposed to be a gun dog his siblings were - but he is terrified of loud noises and the dark for some reason so he was sold off cheaply and a work colleague got him - and Misty is a springer spaniel - she is probably the most intelligent of the three but crafty with it.

I have a goldfish (rescued from fairground care,)  and two ex battery chickens who are  full of character ( i chat to them as well) - plus a few wildlife rescues that still hang around so i,m not short of animal company.

Exactly right though - i imagined if there is some sort of afterlife then it might be a short conversation if we dont share with them now - as we would have when they were physically here and that means sharing not just our pain at their loss  but the love and the laughter that made our relationships so special in the first place.   :hug: 
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: My story
« Last post by Emz2014 on March 10, 2021, 08:51:17 PM »
Sending you a warm welcome hug  :hug:  losing loved ones is so hard, yet made so much harder with this covid situation
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hello
« Last post by MrsT on March 10, 2021, 08:31:08 PM »
 :hug: thank you Karena xx
I got home before from my Mum n Dads (been a difficult day with Dad his Dementia has been challenging today) rightly or wrongly I reached for the Gin! I'm so tired n feel so alone , I just hate this !!
Anyway , I was in my kitchen and shouted out loud , it wasnt supposed to be this way, we had so many plans, things we wanted to do...
Dave and I loved our dogs , we had a Westie and a Scottie , our Westie , Hamish was having health problems and we decided we needed another because Nessy wouldnt cope without Hamish xx
So I now have two pups Dave (after my Hubby) and Angus! Why am I telling you this , because Dave will never ever be forgotten , his name is mentioned daily , Dave Stop, Dave put that down, Dave behave and i honestly believe he will be laughing his socks off at this , but to me it brings comfort and that is all that matters xxx
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hello
« Last post by Karena on March 09, 2021, 06:51:22 PM »
 :hug: i dont think it sounds mad at all - - well if you are i certainly am  something which might seem mad when life was "normal" doesnt seem that way when our "normal" has been taken away from us --  i fell in the pond (long story) and looked at the sky and told him out loud dont you laugh at me - then laughed at myself knowing he would have been in stitches i spent a lot of time telling him not to laugh at me after that,  -but its the same with the bad stuff as well though - my younger daughter was involved in a car crash when she was pregnant - i rushed down there with her husband in the car but the traffic was queued back quite a way so i had to pull over and we ran past all these cars - he soon got ahead of me but as i ran out from under the trees there was a rainbow behind the hill - i dont know why i thought it  was a message but as soon as i saw it i stopped panicking and this voice in my head said she will be ok  - things like that have happened quite a few times  its as though he is still looking out for me - but  i also think  in the early days we look too hard and we look for signs that other people have talked about and perhaps because of that miss others and that includes the silent voice inside us -  so when you know he  would have known what to do then, you also know yourself because deep down you know what he would have done and listening to your heart and hearing their voice in there is how they can still talk too us.

Maybe i am mad or maybe not -  but i will take my chances and continue to believe what i do about how we can take them forward with us even while others tell us we should leave them behind  -   its how i cope and its how i live with hope and no one has proof that there isn't something  that keeps us joined  in some way in fact quantum physics makes it more possible than traditional science used to tell us.  so keep looking at the sky but dont miss whats  in front of you or what your heart is telling you.
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Hello
« Last post by Nice2bNice on March 08, 2021, 10:30:40 PM »
Hi, I'm near 10months since I lost my lovely partner, the hurt, the anger, confusion, helplessness, numbness and everything in between are all experiences we unfortunately experience after loss of a loved one however as often mentioned we do manage our own grief differently albeit similarly. Try to be sure and find comfort within your saddened times, music, photos, memories. All these emotions and nobody understands or so it may seem.
Talk, explain and allow others to share your grief when you want to, friends will listen and try to comfort you as best they can and if they understand a little better of how you are feeling they may be able to change their approach to one that supports you better and help you find a balance where memories bring as much joy as they do sadness.
You're world has been turned upside down, no one can possibly know how you feel, even ourselves to be fair. We understand and we can offer empathy as well as supportive guidance BUT we don't know how you feel, we are not you and you are not me though together we can stand strong no matter how much we're falling apart.
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