Today is a hard day. My mum's Godmother, who has been like an Auntie to her, died over the weekend. She was 91 and was found in her home. She had just managed to find a place in a home for her husband (90) who has alzeihmers. As sad as it is to say, I think she stayed strong for him, as long as she could and then her body gave in. My mum is very upset, she knew her a lot better than most of her family who never really bothered or made much of an effort. The family is now arranging the funeral and making decisions which were not her wishes. The service won't even be held in the church she visited every Sunday. Of course my mum has no say and can do nothing about it.
Meanwhile a friend of mine's husband is terminal. He has a tumor on his brain stem and doesn't have long to live. They have a 3 year old girl.
There seems to be so much death and sorrow.
I want to write to my friend to offer her my support (she lives in a different city), but as stupid as it sounds, I don't know what to write. All the things people told me when my dad died didn't help. To look at the faces of my children, to remeber the better times, he's in a 'better place' - all of those sounded like empty clichés to me and simply didn't and still don't help. So I wan't to write to her, but I don't want to write to her as a negative person, bumbling along my own giref journey with no words of wisdom to offer.
I want to tell her how sorry I am, how much I am thinking of her and her family and how lal she can do is spend the time that she has with the man she loves.
It just sounds so empty. I still can't justify death, I still can't understand any of it, there is no rhyme or reason to life, why some people are killed in freak accidents and some people live long and full lives. At the end of the day it ends, there is sorrow, and we all try to get along the best we can. I prefered to live in blissful ignorance of death and sorrow, before my life was altered by it. I can't be ignorant anymore, I know what death is, I feel loss every moment of every day. How can I possibly say anything of any use to somebody who is about to go through that?