Yes you are so right longedge. I have only really pursued things because I could see my mother would never get over this without having some answers. Really, my Uncle was horrible to my mum all her life, but he was still her best and only friend apart from me and my wife. She never speaks to anyone else, and misses their chats, even though he always upset her. It was only a few months ago that I asked her if she would want to go to his funeral if the inevitable happened, and she said she really didn't feel she would be able to, but she wouldn't forgive herself if she didn't. We talked about him, and she told me that he never asked about me, told her to shut up if she mentioned me, so basically he doesn't know anything about me over the last 20 years. On the other hand, before that when I used to meet up with him and his second wife, all he ever did was criticise my mother, and it seems that he was like that with everyone in his life.
Anyway. Yesterday I call in at the Registrars to ask if it was all legal and above board to register a death with such little regard for family. They were very helpful, and went through the list that says - Family... Anyone present at the death... organising the funeral.... executor.... friends.... He categorically stated that the list doesn't mean anyone on the list, it is all in an order to be worked through. For friends to register the death they must have stated that there was no family at all, or no family was able to attend, and that a fraud had been committed. He suggested I think about what I wanted to achieve, maybe contact a solicitor or the police, or just let it go.
I then visited my mother, she was still awfully upset, and now she is scared to death of this couple turning up at her door demanding money or being nasty to her. I've blocked withheld number calls to her phone now so they will have to show a number if they ring. She thinks that with their attitude in the past, my Uncle has probably told them all kind of lies about her.
So on the way home I decided to call in the funeral home just to try and find out how many were at the service, if his second wife's family were there, or informed, or anything else they could tell me. I was super polite, but the lady running the office turned on me and refused to discuss anything initially. She said she had a duty of care. I asked "but not to the family", she said no, to the person paying for the service etc. I said "well that would be the deceased because there was a funeral plan". She looked really shocked, and asked how I could possibly know there was a plan. That seemed very strange. I explained that I had bought for plans 20 years ago and my Uncle had thought it was a great idea and followed suit (he even demanded the £40 M&S vouchers that my mother got for recommending him).
The lady said that "in that case you know that when he took it out he named who he wanted to make the arrangements" - the couple in question, who I got the impression the lady knew well. My answer to that was that he didn't even know this couple then, they were much more recent. We then got to what the Registrar had said. She replied that this was absolute rubbish and she fetched the list and said "it is anyone on this list". I said "yes but in order of who is available". She disagreed and said "well your mother couldn't have done it, so would you?". I said yes, she laughed and said "what and arrange the service. I said "of course". She just stood shaking her head.
I got up to leave and said "well it looks like a matter for the police". I thanked her and left, but she ran after me and asked me to come back and asked why I would involve the police. I said "because there is something not right here". She then told me that all she knew, and not to quote her, was that my Uncle had left a letter to be read out at the service, and the Celebrant had opened it, and rung her to say he would not read it out because it was so nasty, and also that it was defamatory. I asked who to, she said she didn't know, I asked where the letter was now, she didn't know. I left then.
Maybe the letter was about me (except he knows nothing of what I have done in the past 20 years). Maybe my mother (which is why the couple didn't tell her where and when or take her). Maybe it was about the couple themselves, because he did bad mouth everyone in his life. Or maybe it was his second wife's family, who he always said he loved, but apparently told the couple bad things about them, so much so that they were going to be saying some things to their face.
Well. what a revelation. Probably best not to tell my mother. More questions than answers. I'm not sure how I feel now.