After my dad died in September of last year my in laws proved themselves to be emotionally utterly useless. Two days after the funeral we fle wback home and they came to support us that weekend. After being greeted with 'the worst is over now you can move on' I was expected to be happy and jump around and go out on outings for the kids. It was not expected that I take time for myself, withdraw if need be and heaven forbid, show emotion. I was mad at them for a long time.
Then came Christmas and, as I said in a post from the other day, 7 days in their company and the subject wasn't mentioned once, No real how are you, no questions below the surface, and when I did dare to broach the subject, the subject was then changed for me. It wasnt even uncomfortable until the subject was changed, I'd simply mentioned a happy memory which was connected to the conversation we were having. So that was dreadful.
The other day I had a really bad, sad, generally rubbish day and MIL wrote me a message about something else and asked how I was. I said not great today, but I'm still here. She said, why not great? So I said, I'm still coming to terms with it being new year that my dad will never live it, some days are harder than others and I'm still trying to come to terms with it all. In response to that she simply didn't respond, she changed the subject, didn't engage with the subject, she literally wrote something else about something else as if I had never written what I had written.
I really don't understand, her own mother died two years ago, it is not as if she has not faced loss, but it feels as though she will not face this and will not face me. I am genuinely hurt by her lack of care and sentiment and it is starting to create a wedge. I understand that a lot of people simply don't know what to say and so would rather say nothing, but it seems as though she has been saying nothing since the moment he died and is continuing to do so, as shown in the moments she has all but asked me "but wat a minute, i don't understand why you're still sad?".
They're coming to visit us in a few weeks and I am dreading it. I've thought about sitting down and trying to have a chat, but I get so emotional about it that I cannot speak, I can only sob. It is so raw it may has well have happened yesterday, I don't know how I can sit her down and make her understand that, when surely the fact that I can't do that speaks volumes as to what I am actually feeling.
Gah, very frustrated and just wanted to get it out there.