It’s now been 18 months since I lost my wife, Ann, to cancer (I don’t post here very regularly, but my ‘back story’ is
here if anyone’s interested). I’m still missing her terribly; and although life goes on ostensibly normally I still think about her all the time. She really was my everything, and losing her has left a huge hole in my life. Although I'm apparently 'doing fine' I’m quite sure nobody I know (including close friends, my mum and my adult kids) would guess but it’s certainly not unusual for me to end up crying into my pillow at night. I don’t even have photos of her around my home as it just makes me sad to look at them.
Which brings me round to why I’m posting. They say that the majority of widowers end up remarrying, and I’m wondering whether the time has come for me to give some thought to the possibility of sharing my life with somebody else. Half of me says to myself “what are you even thinking?” whereas the other half of me is wondering whether getting close to somebody else is actually what I need to do in order to be able to move on. I ask myself – the way I feel about Ann now, and my situation in general after 18 months – is this how it’s likely to be forever? Is this as good/bad as it gets? Can I be happy again with someone else? Do I wait a few more months/years/decades to see how my feelings change?
I feel I (sort-of) have Ann’s blessing – we talked about absolutely everything together in the weeks before she died, for which I am now eternally grateful, and one of the things she said to me was that I should find someone else one day “but not for at least a year or I’ll bloody well come back and haunt you!”
But maybe the fact that I’m now mopping my eyes means that I’ve answered my own question.